Volume II

FOLLOWING FATHER NON-CHURCH SEEKER I was on the way to San Diego riding in first class reading JESUS THE PROPHET. While I was absorbed in the book I did not pay much attention to the man who sat down beside me. But when the meal came and I was out of the book we began a conversation that lasted a long time. He was from a little town North of Forth Worth, Texas presently living in Indianapolis.

It so happened that he was coming back from San Destin, Fla. We talked about the area that I knew so well. Then we spoke about children and he was glad that I supported his decision not to have his children come and live with him after they finished college. Then the subject switched to a number of crucial issues that face us as a society like --- abortion, euthanasia, the government Health Plan, and Religion and homosexuality..

He wanted to know about the Presbyterian stance, carefully telling me that he was not religious. Of course, coming from Texas, he was likely a Southern Baptist or had been at one time. Then, he confessed to being the black sheep of the family. He questioned me about the Presbyterian form of polity, then he wanted to know about the basic beliefs. I told him the TULIP (total depravity, unconditional election, limited atonement, irresistible grace, and the perseverance of the saints) story and then modified some of the extreme points of John Calvin, telling him that each of them and been thought and rethought through the years.

Then he said to me, "I would like to tell you the story of my life." He then began to tell me how that his mother was the religious one in his family. She took him to church between four and fourteen. He went to church twice or three times on Sunday and then attended Wednesday night services. He recalled the preacher yelling at them and telling them that they were going to hell if they did not serve God in a special way.

"I have not told many persons this story," he said. "When I was fourteen I felt an enormous tension between what my mother believed and what my father was living. He was a real guy. I loved him. He did all the things that the Baptist thought were wrong -- got drunk on Saturday night, smoked, and cussed. At the age of 14 I felt that I had to decide, either my mother and the Baptists were right or my daddy was right. I decided that he was right and told my mother that I was through with church.

"Then, right away things changed. One Sunday I got up and was going into the bathroom trying to be quiet while he was sleeping off his drunk of the night before. To my amazement I ran right into him putting on a tie in the bathroom. He was going to church.

"At the close of the service as they always do, the minister gave an altar call. There in the midst of the singing, my dad nudged me to get out of the way and there he went down the aisle. I was never so shocked, disillusioned, and afraid in my life.

"I felt left, abandoned. Here I had chosen his way and now he was joining my mother. I felt anger rise in me. How could I cope with this?" (His dad had died 2 years before. Now he is caught with all these feelings and never resolved them.)

After listening to him tell this whole story I said that it seemed to me that he had lots of unresolved "stuff" around his daddy that was probably affecting his feelings and attitude toward the church. He agreed. Then I said, "You can work on this even though your father is dead." He seemed amazed. Then I suggested to him that he write all this story and get it down on paper so that he could read it and see it for himself. He had never thought of that.

Then, I suggested that he write a letter to his dad and tell him what he felt when he left him that Sunday morning in church. Express all of your anger and your doubt and your fear. Especially that you felt exposed because you had trusted him and it had left you embarrassed while you were standing there with your mother. If this does not give you the resolution that you seek, then write a dialogue with your father. How? Just ask him a question. He will answer you in your head. You have internalized him; listen to him. Write the dialogue until all has been resolved.

You can write your way through to resolution!

PRAY FOR MY DAUGHTERS I knew the woman was sincere. She was a small squatty woman who came up to me during the women's retreat at Rock Eagle, Georgia. She had a hungry, pathetic look in her eyes, a longing for help that she could not reach. I responded to her as best I could.

Then the second night while I was waiting to be presented to the group, she came up behind me and motioned for me to leave the room so she could talk with me. When we went outside she gave me a note. It read:

"My two daughters Wendy 41 and Donna 36 are in a post trauma state since their father died in August of '92. Their memories of their father have gradually returned as flashbacks and nightmares. He had abused them all their life and had allowed a satanic cult to come into their lives. They are victims of SRA, Satanic Ritual Abuse. One young woman is dissociate, the other has Multiple Personalities Disorder -- both of them have children. Their brother died at the age of 20. I have asked hundreds of persons to pray for Dana and Wilhelmina. Will you pray for them?

DIRECTION MERTON ROAD AHEAD "My Lord God, I have no idea where I am going. I do not see the road ahead of me. I cannot know for certain where it will end. Nor do I really know myself, and the fact that I think I am following your will does not mean that I am actually doing so. But I believe that the desire to please you does in fact please you . And I hope I have that desire in all that I am doing. I hope that I will never do anything apart from that desire. And I know that if I do this you will lead me by the right road, though I may know about it. Therefore I will trust you always through I may seem to be lost and in the shadow of death. I will not fear, for you are ever with me, and you will never leave me to face my perils alone. (Merton, THOUGHTS IN SOLITUDE p. 83 New York: The Noonday Press, 1958, 1992.

AFRICAN AMERICAN PREACHER AND CONGREGATION Will Coleman, a colleague at Columbia Seminary lectured about the African Experience to the Thompson Scholars who had come to study Church Growth for ten days. He said that the black preacher knew that he only had half of the sermon -- the rest of the sermon was in the congregation. He prepared, prayed and opened his life to the Spirit but nothing happened until God came and the people entered into the experience.

The black preacher does not come, then, and begin preaching immediately. He does not plunge into the preaching experience and lay out his thesis, his remarks etc -- rather the black preacher makes voyages into the congregation, he is testing, seeing if they are ready. This is not wasted time and energy – the preacher is making space for God. This is his dialogue with the congregation, his query of them that he is saying, "Now we need the Lord here today if this service is going to mean anything."

As the preacher begins to preach, he invites the congregation to respond. They let him know if they are hearing, if they are with him and something is happening in the service. This is the "call-response" when the minister calls the congregation and they respond to what he is saying. As this call response continues there is built a mystical ecstatic experience for the preacher and the people. The Word, the response and the litany continues as the whole congregation joins in feeling and vision into the word that is being sent forth.

The SHOUT is an indication of experiencing the over-powering presence of God -- The "mysterium tremendum" of Rudolf Otto. What does this mean for us in a typical, white congregation/ Can we accommodate this kind of engagement with God? Are there counterparts in the worship that do the same thing in the spirit of the preacher and of the congregation?

PRAYER Not knowing how to pray. I had a student in a D. Min course who gave this testimony. "I grew up in a family that did not pray. I got through 8 years of ministry without knowing how to pray. The people in my church were there also and I guess that we found each other in our ignorance in prayer.” Minister in New York

BEING SPIRITUAL Mary Ann was doing the Spiritual Directives. She tried to do them when her children were away but they would on occasion come in and find her with Bible open and in a posture of prayer. They asked "What are you doing?" She said, "I am reading the Bible, praying and writing my thoughts in a journal." Later they came in and asked, "Mother are you being spiritual." Maybe one of the greatest unsought benefits of the experience was having the children come and find her in a moment of prayer.

FAITH AND LIFE Lee James in the Thompson Scholars (A ten day study experience at Columbia Seminary) program told about a woman who was being examined by Detroit Presbytery. She spoke about everything in a very orthodox way but he said it sounded like she was a speaker with someone else's voice coming through her. When she was asked, "What does the death and resurrection of Jesus mean to you, she broke down and cried. Then someone moved that her examination be sustained. I wonder if that person felt so threatened that he could not let her cry and perhaps find peace with God? How is it when we move into the dimension of real confrontation and possibly of transformation we run away from it, we do not know how to handle this side of the faith. When people are struggling with their faith, they don’t need rescue with psychological jargon.

NO RESPONSIBILITY TO CONVERT Gayle White from the Atlanta Journal and Constitution called me. The paper had helped fund research with The University of North Carolina to get the pulse of the south. She had data that she did not know how to interpret. The older generation all believed they should share their faith and seek to make disciples of other persons. But the younger generation did not share that faith. “Why,” she asked, “does this younger generation not feel compelled to share the faith that has given them birth. Perhaps they lack both passion and role models.

THE GOSPELS -- FOUR LIVING CREATURES – Book of Revelation SYMBOL In a talk by Dale Brunner, he pointed out that the 4 living creatures in Revelation have long been used as symbols for the 4 Evangelists -- Face of a man, Mark, humanity; face of ox, Luke earthy, face of a lion, Matthew, royalty; Eagle as the gospel of John -- Flies high (and collects no flies).

"THE SOLUTION to the enigma in space and time lies outside of space and time." Ludwig Wittgenstein.

TRUST YOUR SENSES ? A pilot knows that you cannot trust your senses. If you do not believe your instruments you will fly into the ground.

CHURCH * SURVIVAL G. K. Chesterton Five times it looked like the church would not make it through the early days -- Aryanism, Gnosticism, Dark Ages -- Looked like the church had gone to the dogs but the dogs died and the church survived.

GRACE Someone visited a Unitarian church and saw banner: "Amazing grace how sweet the sound that saved a soul like me." She felt it should have read, "Understandable grace, how sweet the sound that saved a wonderful person like me."

PROLOGUE TO JOHN – (John 1:1-18) "When philosophy became biography." Bishop Gerald Kennedy.

MAINLINE DECLINE Someone studied the sermons preached in the Presbyterian Church over the last 10 years. Nobody is preaching on repentance. Andy Sales said to me, “You should call the church to repentance.” Is it sin that blocks us from change and growth? What sins do we need to confess?

SMALL GROUP -- Bruce Swenson said that the most significant thing that Ihe did in a ministry in St. Louis was to establish a group of five men with whom he met for nine years.

THE CHURCH, THE STEEPLE Betty McLean showed us how to do put our hands together and open them saying, "Here's the Church and there's the steeple, open it up and there are the people." Then she told us about a Sunday School teacher who was using this illustration in a class and she asked kids to do it. Then it struck her there was an amputee in the room with a stump for an arm. Suddenly, a little girl jumped up and rushed over to him and said, "Oscar, lets you and me make the church together." Is that what it means to care for one another? Is this completing the other?

BUILD ON THE ROCK -- The words of Jesus at the end of the Sermon on the Mount contrasts two types of people: 1. Everyone builds a house (your house represents persons values: play, living room, bed room, entertainment etc.) 2. Every house faces storms -- what are the storms that come? (Job, sickness, blood pressure.) 3. There are different ends for these houses. 4. There are Contrasting Foundations: The foundation is Christ. What you build on must be able to stand the storm

FLEXIBILITY -- The Golden Gate Bridge rests on two piers at the entrance to the harbor from the Pacific Ocean. One sits on the San Andreas fault. Massive cables hold the bridge to the towers. It is the safest place to be in a storm because it flexes – officials sometimes close it in high winds lest it flip cars and trucks into the bay; the bridge will flex 22' from side to side and 10' vertically. Flex so much that if suicides try to jump in a storm it will flex under and catch them. Every piece of material in the bridge is preserved by its connection to the foundation. Being bolted to the Foundation is so important in today’s world.

DARKNESS STRONG FOUNDATION To a woman who had lost an adult son, a minister wrote her saying, “When you walk into the tunnel and the way gets dark and you can see no light, you come to the end and step into the darkness -- there is either a firm place for your foot or you must learn to fly.”

STUPIDITY CHANGE When we keep doing what we know doesn't work! Two men were digging a ditch. Why are we digging and the boss is not. I don't know go ask him. Why is this man digging and you are not? The boss said, "Hit my hand." He took the shovel and swung hard and hit the boss’s gloved hand. Then he said, “Hit my hand: as he held his hand in front of a tree. The inquiry swung at the hand but hit the tree and jarred his hands. Do you see the answer? You are stupid. Went back. Fellow asked what boss said. He said, "I'll show you." "Hit my hand, and held it up before his face." Bashed him in the face with the shovel. Stupidity. It is stupid to do the same thing when you don’t know the reason why.

PASTOR SATISFACTION. Only had 50 members in his church. Someone remarked, “It must be tough not having much growth and challenge.” "No, I rather like it like that." Not too much work to do."

Grumpy Grower. A woman said regarding her place in life, “I don't like where I am in life but I am a grumpy grower.”

A Celebrity's worst nightmare is "not to be recognized." But their greatest burden is that they are always recognized.

Pastoral Icon. Maria Price spoke of Rev. Cartledge who was for 49 years the pastor of the small church that she was serving. On the wall of the church a large picture of him hung, as though he was observing everything that occurred in the place of worship. He was always looking at her. One day she was conducting communion service. The old plate and the goblet were slightly bent where a roll top desk had crunched them. One day a pesky little kid came for communion and got his tongue stuck in the communion cup. He simply could not get his tongue out of the cup. She was about to burst her sides and there before the Old Preacher on the wall and the whole congregation she blurted out, "I'm sorry folks but this is funny.” The Old Preacher on the wall did not crack a smile.

PASTOR RENEWAL CHURCH William Stone, pastor Church in the Hills, burned out. He went to the session and told them he was dry and that they deserved better ministry than he was giving them. He had to make a change. They asked him, “What do you need?” I think I need a sabbatical. How long? Six months are a year.

Negotiated with them for housing and pension. He did not want a salary in case he felt called in a new direction. They agreed. Put him in a chair and laid hands upon him and prayed. Many prayed who had never prayed aloud before. They were being the church. One of them said, “You have spent seventeen years helping us be the Church and now it is coming back to you."

The pastor went to Regent College to spend time with Eugene Peterson. He then spent eight days at Conyers, Georgia at the Monastery of the Holy Spirit. Wrote me a card from Conyers telling how after about six days he hit a wall. I needed to talk with a human. I had too much silence. When told his experience to the Retreat Master, this spiritual director said, "You are a Franciscan and not a Trappist."

CALL CHRIST EXPERIENCE Sandra Smith, directed the Cursillo team. The theme was, “I surrender all.” In the chapel she felt this light from the picture of Jesus, "I want you in my ministry. I will be with you. I will make a way for you." She heard and obeyed. With two children at home with her husband, she was preparing to serve God in the ministry of the church. Spent her life being a mother and feels loss but she is making the best of a hard situation.

DIVORCE HEALING GUILT Eunice from Raleigh. I want to talk with you. My preacher announced: "I’m preaching on divorce today." Why are you doing that. She was divorced 22 years ago and still felt guilty.

She wondered how she could absolve herself of the guilt. I shared with her my experience with Bishop Bennett Sims, how he invited me to St Philips for a service of absolution. In the course of the service he read the story of the paralytic recorded in Mark, chapter two. These words burned into my heart, “Which is easier to say to the paralytic, ‘take up your bed and walk’ or to say ‘your sins are forgiven?’” Then Jesus added, “That you may know that the Son of Man has power on earth to forgive sins, he said to the paralytic, “Arise, take up your mat and walk.” I explained to the troubled woman how these words came to me like a telegram from God. “Which is easier, Ben, to tell you your sins are forgiven or to say, get up and get on with your life.” "I can do that,” she said. “I don't need to carry my guilt any longer." Thank you!

CONTEXT WORLD MISSION A summary of Carlos presentation in the class on Nov. 9, 1994.

The present context: 1) Breaking down of nation states like the Soviet Union. There is a growing suspicion of the Nation State re: policies and power. Some think this model has run its course; religiously the break down means the break down of civil religion and the glue that holds it together. The civil structure provides the language and form of the civil religion. 2) The emergence of Racial/Ethnic Groups and other Religious Groups. In post-modernity there is developing a new world culture. *The philosophical posture is a critique of the Enlightenment and the epistemology of the scientific method. Some aspects of this emerging culture include: Cultural pluralism (knowing in a different way), joy and pleasure in relationships, expansion of the market economy, emergence of the "other” (i.e. suppressed persons and marginalized persons) in the world culture

The Familia Mission Paradigm based on the Latino Culture: 1) Family reaches beyond the nuclear family (responsibility for all aunts cousins, etc.) 2) Family reaches beyond geographical boundaries (immigrants are told of other Latinos, also it reaches beyond class, race, economic), 3) Families are hospital (extra water in the soup/ welcome the stranger who happens by), (in Spanish there is no word for private, as close as they come is solo which means lonely or the word that means intimacy) 4) Family goes beyond biological relationships; 5) Latin families by definition are inter-racial (Carlos great grand mother was African) and this was kept from him for a number of years.

Negatives: Rigid (authoritarian); and awkward communication structure -- hierarchy. Would take hours of talk to confront father. .

JESUS SUPERSTAR Erica came home with assignment from school. Kindergarten. One of the assignments with which the parents were to help was to develop a story about Jesus, Superstar. Doing so disturbed Ginger, the mother. Are they teaching religion in public school? What else are they teaching. She stewed. Talked with another parent. They debated about going to the principal, or the teacher. Decided to talk with Erica -- "O, she said, "In class we have different students who are superstars. This week it is Jesus (pronounced He Sus in Spanish). And I am to tell a story about him.

Burnout Paul Landsing wrote about attending a conference with Barbara Wheeler. Talked about the church of the future. In groups they were sharing. He was talking about what the Church did not do and a few questions made him aware that he was burned out. Went home began pray, started a group to pray, looking for a renewal event that he had scheduled.

Sexual Misconduct of Minister. Sandra was bright and giggly the first day. The second she was distraught. When she was asked about her demeanor, she broke down and cried. Then she said I am guilty of sexual misconduct with a minister. Talked about how she had an affair with her minister. Then the new interim came who had been married 3 times. He suggested that she not sing in the choir. He thought that it might be better if she went to another church. Then she said, "This is what I am thinking about when you talk about ministers being bearers of the presence of Christ, that he is alive in them and ministering through them."

Search Not Religious Church Back: I had boarded Delta's flight 936 to Chicago. This was one of those times I had treated myself to First Class with an upgrade.. Sometimes I hope that no one will sit by me, and this was one of those times. I'm comfortably parked in 2b, an aisle seat and 2a is vacant.

Busy at work, I glance at the floor and I notice a pair of shoes in the aisle. "Don't let her sit here!" I whispered a brief prayer. She sat across the aisle in 3b. As I continued work, I was smitten with conviction that I a minister, an evangelist at that, was hoping no one would sit by me. I quietly repented. "Lord," I continued, "if you wish me to talk with this lady, just place her over here." Honestly, I felt safe, it was only 5 minutes to departure.

One minute before departure, a businessman bursts through the door. He came and stood between seats 2b and 3b. I hear a woman's voice speak these words, "No, this is not my seat, I belong over there," she said, pointing to the seat next to me.

She got up, walked over, sat down. Immediately she asked, "Are you a minister?"

"Well, yes, but I didn't know it showed."

"Yes it does. I could tell by the way you looked that you were a minister. I am not very religious," she began.

Hearing that I closed my book, stuffed it in the pocket and prepared to listen. "What do you mean by religious?" I asked.

"Oh, going to church, worshipping God serving Him in the world, trying to love people."

"Sounds pretty good to me."

"I don't go very often. When I do the thing that I detest," she said, "is that every time I go to church, about all the minister preaches about is how much money they need. It doesn't seem to me that it takes that much money to tell people about the love of God."

(Our conversation continued until we got to the gate at O'Hare, but the point I want to pick up on this morning is her notion that "all you hear about in church is money!")

Lay Pastors New Church Development I interviewed Dick O’Brien in St. Paul. He is a lay pastor who has begun a new church development with little support. He was always in the Church. Sold Insurance and worked as a lay preacher for 5 years.

Had an interest in NCD as a lay pastor. Asked Presbytery and they said NO.

Finally, got approval. He was under the control of a committee. Slowed down lots of what he wished to do. Began with 12 persons in this retirement area. Began an Ecumenical relation with other churches and became visible in the community.

About four stages in development. Overcoming the old pastor who wanted to mentor him (not helpful), 4-5 persons showed up early on, then 15-20 came to worship, then 20-50 came in the winter.

A very talented group of people. The church is a mixture, gathered those in the community who had no interest or connection with the church.

Dick has gone from part time to full time. There are no church benefits of insurance or assistance but there are many God benefits.

Signs of Presence are occurring -- organ, zerox, new bulletins, pick flowers by the road to church. "I nearly lost myself trying to intellectualize and then I found my own voice and spoke with the people." Members are inviting friends.

"God chose me. The most important and humbling thing about this role. I am chosen. I should have done this at 15 but the time was not right. I hope to work myself out of a job and then I can begin a street ministry. Pray for me that I may be faithful to this calling. (Just do what God calls you to do!)

DISTRACTION. Old story about a farmer who decided to plow the south forty acres. His tractor need oil, so he started for the barn to get it, but on the way he noticed that the pigs hadn't been fed. So, he decided to feed them. Near the corncrib he noticed a pile of sacks, reminding him that the potatoes were sprouting. But on his way to the potato pit, he passed the woodpile and remembered that the kitchen stove was burning low. While picking up wood, he saw that one of the chickens was ailing, so he dropped the wood to doctor the chicken...and so it went till the end of the day, and he still hadn't oiled the tractor or plowed the south field. Good warning!

LIFE PUZZLE MEANING I MET Jan Cross in Virginia. She had never been to church until she was mid 30's. And there is a story about why? Her folk had told her that the church was only interested in money, not to bother with it. She came to the church, heard, was awakened.

After being there for a week-end, she wrote me a letter. She was describing how her life was coming together:

"When I was growing up my family loved to put puzzles together. We would buy the hardest one we could find, open the box and dump the contents out on the dining room table and start piecing it together a little at a time. Sometimes shoe puzzles would spend weeks on that table. And what a sense of accomplishment we got when that last piece finally got placed into the hole.

Many months ago, just like those puzzles, all my pieces got "dumped out on that dining room table." And just like those puzzles, I have been piecing it back together a little at a time. the border is together and now I'm filling in the center.

(For me: "Meeting you, Sir, was when a majority of pieces fell into place. The funny thing is, it wasn't the topic of your message, that is was great, the person that you are and your words of advice for me, "Be patient and be kind to yourself." I want you to know that for the last couple of months I have tried to live by your advice. I know that with time, all the pieces will fall into place and what a sense of accomplishment I will feel when that last piece fits into its hole."

"Ben, you are a wise and wonderful man. I truly believe god worked His magic on that day in October. I had prayed for a light at the end of the tunnel. I realized on that day that God lovews me and it changed my outlook on a lot of things. I hope that we will get another chance to meet and talk again someday. With appreciation, Jan

GOD WILL EVIL AND THE WILL OF GOD The birth of our child is the greatest thing to happen to my wife and me. I love Stevie and I'm proud of him. But I must confess that one of the things that we learned early has been a shock.

Stevie was just minutes old and we rocked together in the nursery while all the extended family stood on the other side of the window cooing and gooing. I smiled so big that my cheeks hurt. But I said to myself, "He looks like he has downs syndrome." Driving back to the hospital I remember saying to myself, "If he does have Downs . . we'll just love him even more."

When the elevator door opened I could see our doctor in the nursery with Stevie. He held out his fingers so that Stevie could pull up but he couldn't. I stood there a few minutes and asked, 'What's wrong with my son?" And then all the weight of heaven and earth came down upon me: "Your son has Downs Syndrome."

I went to Elizabeth's room and told her. I buried my face in the pillow and cried the most honest prayer I've every cried. "God, what did I do? What I do that was so bad that you willed my son to be like this?' Before long I was asking, "God why did you do it? Why did you do this?"

Before that time everything had gone well for Elizabeth and me. I had what might be called a Midas touch, everything turned out right. It had been easy to place my faith in the Sovereign Lord, the God who is in complete control, the god who wills all. Now that was tougher.

I know I didn't get it worked out that week, maybe never worked out but I recall thumbing through cards and letters with my Dad. I had a lump in my throat that lay somewhere between disillusionment and joy, and I asked him, "What is God's will?" He studied for a moment and then said, "I don't know what God's will is, but what I do know is that if you knock off the apostrophe S, what you're left with is the most important thing of all . . . the faith that God will." Not God's will but God will.

God will always be present with us God will always see us through will always love us will always be for us ... will not abandon us, even in the most hopeless situation. God will even take what seems to be a hopeless situation and transform it into something incredibly joyous. God will not allow anything to separate us from His love.

REJECTION BY THE PRO Concerto No. 1 in B-Flat Minor for Piano and Orchestra, op. 23. Piotr Llyich Tchaikovsky (1840 to 1893) Composed when he was 35 years old. While at work on the Concerto he felt a need for help since he was not a virtuoso. So he turned to his mentor Nikolai Rubinstein.

T. played through the concerto for Rubinstein in a Moscow Conservatory. Response: less than enthusiastic. He played more. No response. T reacted in fury and humiliation. Later he was to write:

"I played the first movement. Not a single word, not a single remark! I fortified myself with patience and played through to the end." He stood. "Well?" "Then a torrent poured from Nikolai"s mouth, gentle at first, then more and more becoming Zeus hurling thunderbolts. It seems my concerto was worthless and unplayable; passages were so fragmented, so clumsy, so badly written that they were beyond rescue; the work itself was bad, vulgar, in places I had stolen from other composers -- only 2 or 3 pages were worth preserving....." "I was a maniac, a talentless, senseless hack who had come to submit his rubbish to an eminent musician."

Perhaps Tchaikovsky over-reacted. Misinterpreted. But he withdrew the dedication to Rubinstein and bestowed it upon Hans von Bulow, who gave the concerto's first performance. Rubinstein was not forgiven until he had apologized and added the work to his own concert repertoire, some 4 years later.

But no one ever played it like Andre Watts -- he played with soul, with abandon, and the audience and orchestra loved it. Tchaikovsky would have been proud and Rubinstein outperformed that night in November 1994.

ARTIST WORK IMAGINATION SERMON We had Joel Seesley from Wheaton College come to CTS and lecture on art and the culture -- how the artist works to communicate his/her message in the culture through the medium of the culture.

At one point someone asked Joel how he worked as an artist. He began to describe his process:

1. He at a point realized the stage for his work. It was suburbia with all the ambiguity and contradiction and joy that lives there. All his paintings have the same stage.

2. To get material he would go to a playing field or a sub-division. These two things were the framework of his art.

3. Make photos and put them in slide carrousels

4. Cut pictures from the newspaper and save them

` 5. Go to the studio and look at the slides, pull the ones out that seemed to speak to him.

6. Begin to combine these images in an imaginative process

7. The Picture.

As he spoke it sounded very much like what preachers do when they write sermons. Get into life. Into the text. Have a frame of reference. Look over their exegesis notes. And then brood over the material until the creative Spirit grasps them.

CHRISTIAN CHRISTIANITY HOW TO BE A CHRISTIAN Danny called me. "You may not remember me but I need some help." Fellow came into my office and asked, "What is. Christianity? What is a Christianity?" I didn't know the words to use to help him. I have graduated from seminary but I don't know how to help anyone get into the faith. Like, I know how to go to my grandmothers, but I don't know the names of the streets that take you there. From habit over the years I can do it but I don't know how to tell anyone else

I recalled the conversation with the Dean of a well-known theological seminary. When in Cambridge I told him that ministers did not know what to say when asked this question. He said, "I don't know what to say, that is a very complex issue."

CENTER COMMUNITY MARGINAL Bob Ramey, my colleague, spoke in class about the abbot who took the monks from the monastery and drew a large circle, then he put a dot at the center, and began to draw lines from the center to the circumference. He said, "The circle is the world; the dot at the center is God; and the lines represent the people. The closer the people get to God, the closer they get to one another." And one of the students said, "Yes, and the people work back and forth between God and the circumference of the circle." From the center to the margin! And, from the margin to the center!

NEW YORK FIRST PRESBYTERIAN HUNGER While it is rather fresh on my mind I wish to set down what took place in New York City this past week end. I preached at First Presbyterian Church. in the morning on the subject of "An Announcement that changed the world!" The birth of Jesus.

I had a very short workshop from 1:15 to 2:45. It was my intention to break the 60 persons into small groups, to have them pray, share etc., but the interest and response did not permit it.

I began by asking the group to free associate with the word JOURNEY -- "How is this like life?" They came up with some very exciting responses -- begin and end, growth, change, surprises, changes, dead end streets etc. etc. Then I worked with "spiritual" and broke it down spirit ual ity. What does it mean? What are your stereotypes? etc. Then, I got into a definition of spirituality. Basically, exegeted Urban Holmes: "It is the human capacity for a relationship with that which transcends sense perception. . ."

While I was describing the dimensions of Spirituality, I noted that people in the group were wiping their eyes. There were 5 or 6 persons at the time who were very emotional like the words were cutting into some of the deep places of their lives. They were unashamedly honest, seeking, questing, confessing to each other. I have never spoken to a group so hungry! (And that covers a long time.)

For example, persons in the group said, "I am here to find out about 'intentional' -- How I can be on my journey. Another, I know when it began. Nov. 17. What time? 10:30. Still another said, "We are all part of God, god?" Spoke about the Christian view of this statement. Another, "I am becoming increasingly disabled..." (MS) another came at the break, "I came to this church for fellowship. I am not sure that I believe in God. Convince me! "I can't. God is not arrived at like that." But this woman haunts me. I called and said, "I ' d like to walk with you on this journey." She accepted and I will be faithful to her.

I called Ginny. "I 'll give you a month of my time in May." Yes, I am hooked by these folks. I have a desire to speak and work with persons who wish to know God. I wonder if I will go there and meet with folk at luncheon meetings, small groups, lectures in the evening, anointing with oil, prayer for the sick, and communion -- all in a week of spiritual ministry to searching souls.

ACQUIRED TASTE WORSHIP I was having lunch with Norman Springsteen, once ran for governor of the State of Georgia. He said, "I was reared in a Baptist Church in South Georgia. They sing different songs that have lots of feeling and energy. But when I started dating Linda, she was a Presbyterian so I began going to the Presbyterian Church.

"You know Presbyterian Worship is an 'acquired taste' -- kinda like drinking beer -- you can't stand the first gulp. It takes time and even after a while there are some things about it that you just don't like. "I think the first time that people come to worship you must give them something that they can understand, appreciate, and identify with..."

UNRING John Wolfe said, "You can't unring a bell!" Once the sound is out, it is out. That’s like gossip – you can’t ungossip gossip.

CHEESE RAT TRAP "There is always free cheese in the rat trap!"

OBEDIENCE I recall one instance when I was a sophomore in college. A freshman woman had caught my attention. She had stirred deeply feelings in me. Beautiful. Charming. Showing interest in me. We got serious. I began to pray: "Lord show me if this is the woman that I am to marry. Reveal your will to me."

One morning in my prayer while I was reading Jeremiah for my devotions and I came to this verse: "Jeremiah 16:1-3 The word of the LORD came to me: You shall not take a wife, nor shall you have sons or daughters in this place. For thus says the LORD concerning the sons and daughters who are born in this place, and concerning the mothers who bear them and the fathers who beget them in this land:

Notes for a class in Berkley, CA.

Kathleen Norris describes the way of knowing familiar to a poet, much like that of Hildegard of Bingen . . . "thoughts and images constellate, converging, sometimes violently, in the subconscious. The sounds of words and the silence of images are more important at this stage than sense or meaning." See The Cloister Walk from Penguin Press

Emily Dickenson at the end of life spoke of "My little story, which was like a fairy tale, has turned into prayer." My little story has turned into prayer.

"For much of that fall, I experienced the most intense and prolonged writing period of my life. Poems were coming almost every morning and, unlike my earlier work, they came out whole, and nearly finished. As I hadn't written any poetry for several years, I was extremely grateful." p. 35 (Came at a time that Jeremiah was speaking to her – spty and creativity go together.)

Pain. "All of us, I suspect, have times when we're made to suffer simply for being who and what we are, and we become adept at inventing means of escape…. But Jeremiah reminded me that the pain that comes from one's identity, that grows out of the response to a call, can't be escaped or pushed aside. It must be gone through. He led me into the heart of pain, forcing me to recognize that to answer a call as a prophet, or a poet for that matter, is to reject the authority of credentials, of human valuation of any kind, accepting only the authority of the call itself." p. 38

Maturity, "Negative capability … (is being) capable of being in uncertainties, mysteries, doubts without any irritable reaching after fact and reason." John Keats.

My Very First Dad. She saw on the paper when she glanced down on the boy's paper. She had asked them to deal with simile. Didn't recall what she asked them to write but certainly nothing as invasive as their family. She talked with him and told him how good the writing was, how he had used such good similes and even slipped from simile into metaphor.

He had written of his father. "I remember him/like God in my heart, I remember him in my heart/like God in my heart, I remember him in my heart/like the clouds over-head,/ and strawberry ice cream and bananas /when I was a little kid. But the most I remember/ is his love, as big as Texas/when I was born."

That was all that Kathleen knew. Then the teacher filled her in. He did well but he had never done well before, not a good student, he tries, but never produces much. Then she told me that the little boy had never known his father. He had skipped town on the day he was born..

He was able to tell the visiting teacher, his teacher, classmates, mother and step-father that a "very first dad" looms large in his psyche – like God in his heart, to quote the poem.

Metaphors. PRAYER. Kathleen Norris was introducing metaphor to a writing class in poetry. The teacher said that they had not studied metaphor, it would be new to them and they would not know how to do it. K. said, "They'll know how to do it; they just don't know the word for it yet." p. 60 How many things can we do, do we do, that we just don’t know the name for it yet?

SEEKERS "I hear many stories these days from people who are exiled from their religious traditions. They, also, speak from the margins. Many, like me, are members of the baby-boom generation who dropped religious observance after high school or college, and are now experiencing a tremendous hunger for spiritual grounding.." Cloister, p. 65.

LUCY ROSE – FAITH IN THE FACE OF DEATH. She was a colleague of mine while teaching at Columbia Seminary. A beautiful soul.

"The new hormone medicine the doctor has me on seems to be lessening the pain, so that I have cut back substantially on the pain medication. Consequently I am functioning more lucidly and actually feeling good.

I also find myself, for the most part, living each day with a profound sense of peacefulness and joy. In the past few days I have come to an odd realization. If I had the choice of erasing the last month and a half (the time she knew she had the recurrence of the cancer) and continuing on as before or being where I am now, having lived through the catastrophe of the last six weeks, I would choose being where I am now. I have felt the love of God so tangibly, as though I were immersed or engulfed or bound up in God's faithful love. Several times a day I am moved to surrender myself to that love. Then I can entrust my heart and my body to that love, I can entrust those I love to that love, and I can rest in that love, and I become aware of a deep sense of connectedness with all people and God's creation. As I return to many of my former activities, I pray this peacefulness remains.

May the peace of Christ be with each of you that you may glorify and enjoy God each day. (to all her colleagues in the pastoral area)

Jewish Spirituality – The high and holy days of Jewish faith stretch between Rosh Hashanah (Jewish New Year) to Yom Kippur, (Day of Atonement). On Yom Kippur God makes his final decisions about who will live the next year, closes the book of life, and sets in motion the cosmic forces that will rule the world for the next year. The beginning is announced with the sound of the Shofar (reed instrument about 2 -3 feet long), an instrument that was used to announce war, to confound the enemy, and to assemble the people.

God lays out what is to befall us, some believe. And the High Holidays provide a special time for all persons to examine their lives and make changes, especially in their spiritual life – so believes one modern Jew.

Deborah Goldstein, director o Jewish Learning and Living Center in Atlanta, speaks of her religion: "Judaism is a religion, a peoplehood, a nationhood, and an approach to life. I see this as the strength and beauty of Judaism."

Another testifies, "I believe in Judaism, the religion. It brings comfort to my life, practicing many of the traditions, hearing the prayers, being a Jew." (Yet this man does not keep kosher, does not celebrate festivals, keep Sabbath, or believe the bible is divinely inspired. He also sends his daughters to public school.) Believes in the religion, not the God of the faith.

The Word of the Lord spoken to Catherine in the Dialogue:

I tell you, therefore, it is far better to walk by the spiritual counsel of a humble and unschooled person with a holy and upright conscience than by that of a well-read but proud scholar with great knowledge. For one cannot share what one does not have in oneself, and because these persons' life is darksome, they often share the light of Holy Scripture in darkness. You will find the opposite in my servants, for they share the light within them in hunger and longing for others' salvation. p. 157

MINISTER AND PRAYER THE LACK OF IT. Tallmadge came into the office and sat down. I want to waste some of you time before I get into the paper that I am to write for the program. I hope that you know more is going on here that listening to lectures, reading books and writing papers. I have had my life turned upside down. I am being impacted by something that I never expected. I had my paper half written before I got here but everything has changed.

For the past ten years I have been building a Constantinian Church. We have grown and the budget has increased dramatically. I think that I serve the people well. I visit and listen and seek to pastor.

But I do not have a life with God. I read the Bible and seek to preach a descent sermon but I have no devotional life that reaches beyond preparing for the sermon. I don't pray and this has been my patter for ten years. I am in need of help. I feel pretty desperate.

I find myself moved by this man's story knowing that it is the story of so many who have no time for God.

Perry Wooten -- A man for years in International Banking

He came in to talk about his sense of call. As I listened to him speak about 10 years in the Bronx, pastoring a black congregation, and being 57 years of age. I realized that there was no much out there for him. He circulated his Personal Information Form and got virtually no response so he has been very discouraged.

Then, it occurred to me that he might be open to working with CLC. I spoke of NCD and the possibility of working with businessmen and others in small groups etc. He was very open to the possibility.

Prodigal Son. In the ladies bible class room of a church that was having a hard time raising their budget, there was the picture of the rich young ruler who had just been told to sell what he had, give to the poor . . . And the expression on his face, contorted, struggle, etc. And that icon had formed the thoughts and feelings of the heart of that church for decades. Watch the symbols.

Preacher's Choice. We visited Scott Weimer to talk about what he had done at his church to bring it back from the dead. As he talked about working in this church that was near death, he said there were 6 things that he had decided to do. 1) He decided to give affirmation and love because the church was a wounded church; 2) To preach the good news because they had heard enough bad news; 3) Make hard budget decisions which mean cuts in salary and the number of staff members; 4) To work at conflict resolution and communication.; 5) Staff cuts; 6) Emphasize the importance of casting a vision. This membership was fairly well convinced that the best was behind them and they had no vision for the future. Needed: Vision Casters.

Endurance Here for a Long Time A grandfather (Frank Harrington) asked his older grandson, "What do you think of your younger brother?"

"Well, he eats and sleeps a lot."

"What else do you feel?"

"It looks like he's going to be here for a long time!"

WOMAN'S SHAME Beth is the DCE at the Clairmont Church.

A friend of her daughter had asked her to attend Sunday School with her but her mother was checking out what went on before giving her permission. A woman called about her daughter coming to Sunday School. "If she comes, what will you do with her?" I would like to come with her but I am anxious. I don't know the answer to many questions and if you should ask me questions I would feel ashamed that I do not know the answers. She said, "I have never been to church and I am embarrassed that I do not know anything about it. Lesson: Make it easy for outsiders.

EFFECTIVE PEOPLE ... know what to do; do what is right at the right time.

Effective people are acted on by an outside force or cause. They have a sense of call, a vision, a dream that propels them forward.

Recall Joseph, the Dreamer. He was drawn from without. This was not a group experience, a collective, but a vision by a person, highly personal and individual.

"God is with you and God knows all the turns in the road."

In one weekend Saul of Tarsus had a vision. It was a vision that shaped his whole life. He had a vision for the remainder of his life and never veered from it.

"God has decided to bless you and you must catch up with it."

(Joseph provides a model for vision and finding the Will of God.)

Question to the Church. "What does it mean to be the People of God in this place at this time, with the resources that are available to us."

VISION QUEST What would a week of seeking a vision for a particular church do for that church. Question: "What would God do if his will was done in this Church?"

Robert Schuler's son wrote a biography of him and named it "Goliath." In an interview he said that he named it this because his whole history had been doing battle with the giants.

Is it safe? Peter on the water was not free of risk, but he was safe. "Are you practicing a profession or following a call?"

VISION. Vision requires articulation. "Vision is caught. It is told in stories. Can't be reduced to precepts." Carl George said that when he went to Fuller to teach, he went up on a hill overlooking San Bernardino. He sat there on a rock waiting for the guidance of the Lord. He seemed to hear, "I will be your fortune." Later he took his granddaughter up on that mountain and showed her the rock that this decision was made. Wondering what she would think, as they came down the mountain she said, "Thank you for taking me up on the mountain and telling me the story."

Tell the story of how your vision began. Vision usually comes when you come to the end of yourself. And it materializes when you take the risk to follow it.

VINEYARD CHURCH IN ATLANTA Johnny Crist was a 10th generation Mennonite educated at Goshen, Eastern Seminary and then Melodyland center. Doing his D. Min at Fuller, he met Peter Wagner and came under the influence of John Wimber.

He said I had to build on my own foundation not another man's -- thus he had to get into New Church Development.

First he was an associate in Oklahoma City. In 1982 he came to Atlanta to begin the Vineyard Movement. He reached 6 persons in one year. It was a most painful experience. In 1984 he inherited a group of 30 persons from another new church start and by 1989 he had 150 persons but the church never got off the ground. He left the city a failure

In 1990 he came back to the city with a commitment to found the Church of Jesus Christ where there was equality between the pastor and the laity. He ordained laymen to pastor groups of disciples.

By 1991 there were 5 other vineyard churches.

In 1992 there were 250 persons in the churches. and in 1993 500.

In five years he had planted 5 churches and aims to plan 100 congregations in the city of Atlanta.

We have decided to "Be a Church for people who don't like Church." We recognize that we are more a hospital than a church. Things often look sloppy. "I don't want to walk with a man unless he walks with a limp."

TREE IS THE IMAGE OF THE VINEYARD CHURCH. There are 5 values in the Vineyard Movement. 1. Worship; 2. Relationships; 3. Healing; 4. Equipping persons for ministry; 5) Ministry to the poor.

CHURCH CHANGED Bruce Barstow is the pastor of a church in upstate New York. Twenty-five years ago one pastor could take care of 500 members, now it looks like you need a minister for every 200 members. He is part of a church that has changed drastically in the last two decades. First Order change is a matter of degree, but the structure has not really changed, a kind of evolution. Second Order Change means stop what you are doing and start up all over.

SECULAR REJECTION OF CHURCH. Today more than ever before in the US we are facing resistance to the church. 1. A church was cited for letting non-members park in their parking lot; 2. Churches are facing restrictive zoning so that they cannot buy houses and make parking lots, or expand their facilities; 3. Sued because they were playing their Carillon; 4. One church was sued for painting a door blue when it was on the national historical registry.

MAYAN PEOPLE IN MEXICO The development of the Mayan settlement began in 8th or 9th century a.d. and ended about 12th or 13th. They had a very high culture. They knew much about mathematics and astronomy:

- invented the "O"

-predicted the year of Venus within 16 seconds

-defined the 365 day year

-built observatories

-predicted eclipses

The life of the people focused on their religion. They built up a sacred place about 10' high which was about 10 square miles. In the center was a pyramid on top of which were offered sacrifices. Human sacrifices were offered to "the rain god," and to the "Feathered Serpent of sea and water."

Stadium. The had games like ball through a hoop, similar to basketball. The stadium was 185 feet by 100 feet and had perfect acoustics so that you could sit in a box at one end and speaks naturally and be heard at the other. The captain of the winning team had the honor of being sacrificed to the gods.

Temple. The Temple was so constructed that at the Winter Solstice the serpent made by shadows of the stones seemed to crawl up the temple. In the Summer Solstice he seemed to crawl down. This was achieved by shadows that came from stones precisely placed. The event lasts about 45 minutes and 30 to 45,000 persons gather to observe it.

Sacred Well. Divers have found people, plates, jewels, precious stones at the bottom of this sink hole. In addition to this sacred well there was a well for drinking water.

ABUSE There is so much abuse in today's world. A chaplain named KIP was abused by his father. He made him look as he shot his dog and then hold rabbits while he cut their heads off. He was told all of his life that he was no good. Nearly killed in an auto accident and still carries a plate in his head. How many children have suffered such thoughtless abuse!

IMAGE OF GOD The Chaplain said that he could not use his father as an image because he left when he was a child; could not use his mother because she was sleeping with men for years. Felt rejected and left out of life. He turned to God and gave his life to serve others, but he still carried pain.

BOB LUPTON ISSUES IN SOCIETY VISION THEOLOGY FOR RECONSTRUCTION When Bob began his ministry he was working with youth offenders whose parents were not concerned about them Soon he saw that if the parents were not concerned the youth had very little chance of making it. But when he began to work with the parents, he realized that a number of societal influences were impinging upon them and that unless you worked with jobs, money, community support then you were fighting a losing battle. These visions or insights led him into the work that he is now doing.

Soon after beginning this work he realized that he could not be a drive in minister, he had to move into the community. He and his wife were in the process of building a new house in Stone Mountain. He said to her, "I believe that God wants us to move into the Summer Hill area and work with the people there." She said, "If it is of God, I will go but if this is just another scheme of yours, count me out. Write it down and give it to me." She then took it to her friends whom she trusted and asked them to read it and tell her if was of God. They moved.

They have been able to reclaim a two-block area in Summer Hill. Once was an area with 5 groceries and other merchants with Greek, Jewish, and Anglo residents. Went bad. In these two blocks they have built houses and gotten folk off the street, into homes, and into community. Had one man across the street that started brining home a little fun drug, soon others were joining him. Neighbors got together. You will have to stop this. We are drug free and we don't want our kids to get caught in a crossfire and hurt. Stopped. Lest they report it to the police.

But another family had a son who was dealing drugs. They went to the family. They did not believe he was dealing. They made pictures of the cars, the encounters, and transactions but the parents still did not believe. Then the neighbors went to the owner of the property and said that illegal activity was going on, a boilerplate condition of renting, and demanded that they evict the tenants. They did. This is a community being and pulling together.

Lupton said that we ought to look at 3 theologies: community, neighbor, and deployment. The latter relates to sending people into the city to be neighbors and to reclaim the city for God and goodness.

The development of the old prison was a vision. It had not been used since the turn of the century. Someone got the idea that it could help Atlanta's homeless. Brought out the Architects and asked them to think about it. They got caught up in the vision and donated all the drawings. Then they went to the Contractors with whom they work and they offered to help remake the place, then they went to sub-contractors and they donated their time and others gave materials. Three or four million have been given and the lawyers got it off the tax books 62 apartments. Church, AA meetings, small businesses, building houses in Summer Hill.

Joan Woodward met Ms. Brinks who is the aunt of Joan Woodward. She told her she had always been an actress. Spoke of her mother as not being a very good mother -- she lacks childmind. What would it be like to parent with a childmind – what understanding

BLOOD AND FIRE MINISTRIES The vineyard movement has spawned a church in the inner city. Began when David who was asking over a $100,000 felt that God was saying to him, Feed the Poor. One Saturday he and a few friends of his bought food, put it in the back of the car and began to drive through Atlanta looking for a place to give it. They found Capitol Homes. Started 4 years ago (1991) and they have grown since.

The old warehouse was filled with junk, debris. Move 62 tons from the 5 story building. As the man walked about he told us how David and wanted the building. The owner wanted 3.2 million. Kept praying. Owner called, "You God must want you to have the building because all my offers have fallen through." Went to the table -- you will need a substantial down payment. OK, we have a $1000. What were you thinking? About $450,000. They began negotiating at 3.2 million, but bought the warehouse for $450,000.

As he walked through the warehouse he began to share the vision. Here we will worship God, this will be a gym with basketball courts, boxing rings and Holy field will help us instruct the kids. Here we will have classrooms to teach people about the faith. Over here will be training for small businesses. And we will tear this strip away and hav an open air amphitheatre. On the second floor is the World Headquarters. Third and Fourth floors will be for dormitories when 5,000 youth come in for the Olympics to work for Christ.

The greatest impact was the fact of the vision that propels this action. Not once did they get focused on the building. They are there to reach people.

Culture Formation Yesterday in church we sat behind Ken Quist. He and his grandson, Michael, and his daughter in law were sitting in front of us. While we were singing, the 4 year old was holding the book and going yah, hay, eee. When we said the confession of sin, he was catching ever 5th word and saying it and faking in between. He was so excited about his part in the service.

That is what formation looks like when it is happening. Those who are forming are not thinking about shaping a 4 year old and the four year old does not know that he is being formed. He is. Community has that kind of power.

Pain Father Intellectualize Angry at God

Dick Long began talking about his father, a step father because he was the brother of Dick's natural father. (Natural father left him, his uncle adopted him when he was 2) He loved him and encouraged him all his life. At 54 his adopted father died. He did not shed a tear at the wake, funeral, or on the way home.

Dick went to Vietnam and came home. Got off the bus in Harvard, Illinois and walked to the little house in which he was reared. He went in and sat down and cried for 5 hours. He felt the pain so deeply at the loss of his father.

As he was talking, he said, I can still feel it, I still feel the loss. I said, "Are you angry about his dying on you? Is your anger toward him for leaving you or for God for taking him?"

"I think that I am angry with God for taking him. He was a good man. A church man and he loved me and believed in me." With that he broke down and began to weep, painfully and deeply.

"You still have some grieving to do, Dick." It is still there and you can't deny it.

He then began to explain it. Can you imagine my sitting here in this club and crying like a baby? What is going on with me? I think that I should not be doing this now."

"Don't intellectualize it, Dick. You've been doing that too long. The only way to deal with these feelings is to feel them. And I know that is scary to you. They are wild and painful but you have explained them too long and kept them away from you."

But they hurt, he said.

Yes, they hurt but like a boil, they have to be faced and dealt with.

In this unplanned moment you came to me in the pain and tears of a man whom I've come to love. I want so much for him to be awakened to You, to stop running from you and open his life to you. I ask you for him, to help him find his way. I don't think you want him to change all that much but to look to you and love you. I have talked with him many times about you. He calls me his 'private padre" and I'm willing and hopeful for him and Sue.

(Sue said that she needed Christian Science to give her an intellectual framework for her life but that it did not get to her heart. Something else is needed for that.)

Church Dick Long told me about a boyhood friend who grew up and bought a church. “I have a book in mind, he said. "My friend who grew up and bought himself a church." Dick said the Episcopal Church was small in Harvard Ill. and it decided to move to the edge of town. They built and moved but the old church did not sell. Finally, his friend, Bob, who owned a parts store bought it for storage. He filled it with tail pipes and mufflers. Church vacated the building and it got filled with tail pipes and mufflers -- seems to be a parable in all that.

Spirit at work Awakening Vocation

Cindy (Diane's sister in law) came by to look at certificate program. She told me that five years ago she began to have a hunger. She prayed and waited. Then she had an experience in which God seemed to wrap her in love, she was at a crisis point in her life and she was held for a long time. After that God has been slowly revealing himself to her, step by step.

Her minister has noticed and has asked her to teach a class. Once was 3 or 4 and now 35 or more. She has a small group come over to her house to talk with her and pray with her. She has led a spiritual retreat for 25 women. Now another is in the offing. She wants the certificate because she feels the need of becoming a better and more informed leader. (chose us over SFTS).

People have been saying to her, "I want what you've got." When asked how, she said I thought about what I had done and all I did was pray. I asked for him to guide me. And now I expect him to guide me slowly and step by step.

My husband who has a good business does not understand. I go off to Mexico and live with the poor and serve them and this astounds him because I have a comfortable home and good living.

(I think there is something special about this woman and that one of my roles in the future is opening doors for her ministry. I had the thought today that I

Angel. Vision. Dick Lind told me about his accident. His life was mixed up and his marriage was threatened. He was driving home when a woman ran a stop sign and hit him broadside. He was lying on the street when a woman with a blue dress appeared to him and said, "If you will put your faith in Jesus Christ, you will be okay." He said, "Get out of my face,” at least, he reports it that way now.

Do you think there was a woman there talking to you?

No. It was a vision because when they put me in the ambulance she was in there with me.

Friend at Georgia State talked about IEE intense emotional experiences. This was one for me. It changed my life.

Linda Bowman, Semi-Hermitess at the Monastery of the Holy Spirit.

Yesterday when I visited with Walter and Adrian they told me about this woman who had worked for CNN and had rented a house from them in order to be near the monastery. I felt an urge to meet her. This morning after the Mass I went out to meet her but I didn't see anyone who looked like her.

Jackie told me that she belonged to Oblate and that Gus had her phone number. Gus let me use his phone to call her 760-1675 and she made time to see me this afternoon. I spent nearly 3 hours listening to her story of pain and discovery.

She is an adopted child of immigrant, Italian parentage. They were from nobility but during the depression he gambled away the money and then was on the street, destitute. The priest gave them the basement of the rectory to live.

* A visiting priest molested her when she was young. It was found out and she was sent away to boarding school. There she had strong spiritual influences.

*When she graduated she offered herself for the convent but they said that she was an illegitimate child and they could not have her as a nun. This crushed her and she left the church for 15 years.

She went away to NYC. Met her husband and they lived through a variety of pain for the next 15 years. He (Dan Boland) is an engineer for AT&T retired. Now he is consulting around the world.

At about 35 she came to the place that she could not bear her pain. One day in her home she sat down to pray. I want to know you and love you. I don't know how to get along with your church but I do want you. In the time of the prayer the burden, anger, and resentment left and she was freed and on her way to new discoveries.

She then had to look for a church. She told the priest that she wanted to pray. He put her in with a Charismatic Prayer Group and this helped for a time but did not seem to be the thing that she was looking for. When she went back to the priest, he sent her out to the Monastery. There she met Gus who has been a faithful Spiritual Director. He has been like a father to her in talking with her and leading her.

Two or three years ago she was put with Jackie who has many of the same concerns. They have spent 2 years writing the rules for their lay apostolate. They went to the monastery for them to provide formation but the Abbot said that he felt it better they work it out for themselves. Finally, they wrote the rule, the plan, etc. and he welcomed them as an Oblate of the Monastery of the Holy Spirit.

The Oblate began with 5 members. In two years they have grown to 25. The year of their institution the Abbott at the H.S. Monastery brought them into the church had them in the choir and announced their intention. Each too vows in the church. The brothers were invited to come and about 1/2 did. Each year they have a renewal of vows and they gather in the church to make these commitments.

Linda is a person that I would like to introduce to students.

In March of 1995 she retired from CNN where she was making $120,000 per year. She has enough in treasury bills to produce about $12,000 per year and a condo in Florida and a pension fund of $300,000. This is probably about $500,000 and 8% will give her enough to live on for a long time.

Vision Angel

Sometimes God speaks to persons we are with and we do not know how deep is the word and how great is the need for love and listening. Diane Canfield told me of the loss of her son 6 months ago. He was riding his motorcycle home from a ball game and run straight into a tree and was killed instantly. She had tears as she told the story.

Then later she enlarged the story. He was diagnosed a few years ago with cancer, rare and incurable. A year ago he was taken by his retired gynecologist father to the best doctor in the country re this form of cancer. He told him to go home and prepare.

His mother met him and his father at the restaurant with his son, William. (Bill was his name.) He and William (4) sat down and waited for mother to get the food, he was tired.

When his mother got to the table he told her this story. When I sat down I saw a black woman wiping off tables. She was the ugliest person I have ever seen -- contorted face, teeth that did not match, very large. She spoke to him. "You sure do seem to have peace." He was stunned. Me have peace when I have been told to go home to die. Maybe he said. He asked her name; it was Sherry. She said, "I will pray for you." He said, "I'll pray for you too." All this was highly unusual for Bill. When he finished telling his mother, he said that I saw her but William did not. Mother I think this was an angel. She came spoke and prayed for me and was gone.

Kinds of People in Church:

I met Laurie at a conference near Pittsburgh. I was struck with her insights and asked her to write to me. She did and in the letter she expressed her struggle with different kinds of folk in the church.

"There are three groups of people who attend church here (and everywhere else I suppose).

1) The first group is composed of those who know God and long to know God better. These people are exciting to minister with. It is usually easy for them to understand my vulnerability to share their own vulnerability and to vision themselves as pastors. Often they are recovering alcoholics or drug addicts or people with other very visible wounds. They have met the Great Physician and healing has begun.

2) The second group is made up of people who long to know God, but who are very attached to a lie within their own lives. They long to believe "Their marriage is perfect" instead of facing the truth about its emptiness. Or they wish to believe their lives are wonderful without confronting the barrenness, which has overtaken their fertile dreams. (Or they harbor other lies, which often they share with no one.)

It is hard to find God when we seek to hold on to our lies. God tends to confront people with truth. The popular TV show, Touched by an Angel illustrates this truth beautifully.

3) The third group of people is those who have managed to anaesthetize themselves from their need for a personal relationship with God. They have discovered wealth, power, drugs, alcohol, etc.: All of which are more than capable of numbing our inner need for God. These people like to "play Church' but they want very little to do with a living Lord.

Though I have been a parish pastor for eleven years, I am not convinced I know how to do it yet. I know it has something to do with healing and with bringing others to God and with standing with others in God's presence when the reality of pain is too great to be diminished by words. about awe and beauty and celebrating the wonderful things in life. Perhaps this is enough.

Thanks again for touching my life.

Thanks for sharing the message with pastors that God is real.

Write and let me know what exactly you want to know from me - -for I am sure these musings are things you already knew.

Meeting Jesus in a Strange Way. John wrote to me and shared how he had met Jesus in a sequence with Mao, Freud etc. I met him personally in Ohio.

Within yourself lies the cause

of whatever enters into your life.

To awaken your interior power

is to be able to condition your life

to be exactly as you would have it.

Ralph Waldo Trine

(Paraphrased by John Sterner)

JOHN'S STORY

"Omigod, I'm gonna die!" My body was shaking, and my breath came in painful gulps. My arms and legs seemed to have minds of their own, and in the distance I saw two figures approaching slowly. Were they friends or enemies? I had no idea, and I was terrified.

I had answered the advertisement to "Speak and Grow Rich!" I suspected a fraud, but the way my life was going, I didn't care. I was desperate to get my life on track, and here was a company who promised me that I could make a good living by helping others. I called the 800 number and was greeted by someone who turned out to know a good friend and mentor. I called my friend to check on the company. "I never heard of them, but if she's involved I think it's OK," he advised. I jumped on a plane, took my seat in the seminar and the adventure began.

"What am I doing here, flat on my back in a room with 200 strangers? I am 51 years old, with a wife and 4 kids, an ex-wife and 2 step-children, a mother-in-law, an ex-mother-in-law, two dogs, four cats, and a flock of wild birds who depend on me for breakfast. I have a job, a nice home, two cars and more stuff than I need. I am a Kiwanian, a Presbyterian and a Republican, and I don't do seminars!"

The seminar was experiential. That means that instead of lectures and lots of note taking, we learned by doing. We participated in a series of exercises in which we inquired into who we were and what we wanted from life.

I was alternating between being an interested observer, and trying to do the seminar "right" so as to impress the leaders. In other words, I was behaving as I always did, which is what people do in seminars. Then came a guided visualization.

The two figures became clearer. My body continued to shake, but now it shook with laughter. If these two were who I thought they were, I was amazed. "What are they doing together?" I wondered.

Let me introduce myself. I was born in 1942 in Flint, Michigan, the oldest of six. My dad owned a plumbing wholesale business and my mom was overwhelmed with love and responsibility for her children. My family called me "Johnny, and at 54. they still do. All of my life, I have been a dreamer. I used to walk about the neighborhood talking to myself about how I would make a big difference in the world. (Come to think of it - I still do.) I always thought that someday I would do something great. When I was a child I thought like a child, dreaming that I would be a cowboy, space man or super hero. When I became a man, I put away childish things and became a salesman, a minister, a teacher and a psychologist.

You might think that I would have been a happy man by the age of 50. I had acquired two master's degrees, published three books, attempted four careers, made a lot of money and helped a lot of people. I had lectured for thousands of people. I was what most people call a success. But I knew better. I was never satisfied with my life. I never felt that I deserved success. So I unconsciously conspired to self-destruct. Every time 1 began to approach my dreams, I would do something to mess them up. (How it occurred to me at the time was that something or someone else was messing them up.)

For instance when I was a minister, I wrote a book which made fun of our denomination. Then I wondered why I didn't get the bigger churches. As a psychologist I took great delight in pointing out to my clients how foolish and silly their beliefs were. Then I wondered why they quit therapy. I ignored my family, and then wondered why we seemed so disconnected.

My laughing grew louder and louder. It began to consume my entire being. I realized that I was creating this vision, yet I was experiencing something bigger than myself. I was encountering the divine, and I didn't believe in the divine anymore! Or did I? The two figures were absolutely clear to me now, and they were laughing with me.

I have always believed in God. I was raised in the First Presbyterian Church. I went to Sunday School, sang in the choir and was vice-president of our youth group. Through a curious set of circumstances, my religious beliefs became legalistic and rigid. I was looking for "The Truth" and there were groups that were quite willing to tell me what it was. I became an ordained minister in one of those groups.

For a number of years, I was fine. I believed that I was right and that those who disagreed with me were wrong. I believed that if I did certain things God would bless my life, and if I did not, He would not bless me. I attempted to run my life and my family's lives according to these rules. It did not seem to matter that there were hundreds of other groups who believed that they were right and that I was wrong. I knew what I knew.

I have also always believed in the "scientific" method. I believed that "Truth" could be discovered by logical inquiry into factual data. This had led me to become a psychologist. I was always looking into the cause of some problem or other. Like Spock on Star Trek, I believed that emotions were not to be trusted; that logic would ultimately bring forth the right answers.

You might imagine that my two worlds of rigid religiosity and logical inquiry would occasionally have problems with each other. You would be correct. For years I solved this problem by keeping the two worlds in separate categories and trying not to think about the problem. I performed as an orthodox minister with my congregation, and as a logical psychologist with my clients. When members of my congregation became counseling clients, I danced around the problems in my contradictory beliefs.

I believed that I had to be "right" in order to be happy. I also believed that I didn't have the inner capacity to decide what was right for myself Someone outside of me, some expert would know better than I what was correct, what was the "right" thing to do. I depended upon science, upon religion, upon "experts" outside of myself In order to exert control, I became an expert too. When the experts began to disagree, I began to have problems. When my attempts to use their advice failed, I began to have serious problems.

Both religion and psychology promise happiness. The Bible teaches that love, joy and peace are "Fruit of the Spirit," which one acquires naturally by relating properly to God. Psychology teaches that one may grow this fruit by practicing such things as good communication skills, assertiveness, self-awareness, and looking out for #1. I began to suspect that both science and religion were frauds. I knew that I was a fraud. I knew the teachings. I taught them. And I had little love, joy or peace.

I pretended to be an expert on teenagers, until my children became rebellious. I pretended to be an expert on marriage until my marriage fell apart. I pretended to be an expert on success, and I felt like a failure. I pretended to be an expert on God, and was spiritually cold. Neither my logic nor my religion were able to fix my problems. My kids were not what I wanted them to be. My wife was not what I wanted her to be. God was not who I wanted Him to be. Most of all, I was not what I wanted to be. By the time I was 45, I was divorced, defrocked, jobless and bankrupt.

I solved my religion/psychology problem by running away from both. I became a salesman, made a lot of money, and decided that both religion and psychology were mostly bunk. I declared that there was no meaning to life, and began to eat, drink and be merry.

It didn't work. I told myself that I had quit working with make a difference because psychology and religion were failures. that I was a failure. I believed that I was washed up, old and tired. no future. And as long as I believed these things, they occurred in held these beliefs to be true, they became true.

I was now certain who the figures were; Jesus Christ and Sigmund Freud. I stopped laughing long enough to ask, "You guys actually know each other? "Of course," laughed Jesus, with me. "We're both Jewish, you know."

Sometime alter I turned 50, my mom died. She died just as she'd lived; quietly and gently. At midnight she was playing cards and eating chocolate cake with her grandkids. In the morning she wouldn't wake up. I helped with the funeral plans like the good responsible oldest child I was. To help ease the pain, I got busy collecting her poetry together and putting it on the word processor.

Mom had become a poet at the age of 65. We all kidded her about it, but she actually published a few pieces. In ten years, she wrote over 270 poems, on various scraps of paper, backs of envelopes, wherever she happened to get inspired. As I read her poetry, it occurred to me that I never knew her! I spent fifty-one years with her, and never knew what was in her head. It was the way I lived my life. I didn't know anybody very well, and no one knew me either.

Being unknown caused me to feel very lonely, but it gave me the illusion of safety. I covered up my loneliness with activity. I was always "too busy" with some project to be deeply involved in anyone's life - including my own. Even as a psychologist and counselor, I was an "interested observer" in the lives of my clients. Reading mom's inner thoughts, I was suddenly aware of what this had cost me. I realized that my whole life had been an attempt to observe rather than live. This awareness was not comforting.

"What do you want from me?" I asked the two. "We want you back," said Jesus. "OK," I replied, "but on one condition. I have to be myself. I can't go back and pretend to be what others want." "Of course," snorted Freud, "Of course you must be yourself That was your mistake the first time. You can only be you - and that will be enough" Slowly, the vision slipped away and I found myself back in the room.

I felt as though I had awakened from a deep sleep. No, I felt as though I had been dead and was suddenly alive! For the first time in years, I was full of energy. I felt young again.

I called my wife Peggy and told her I loved her. I made no sense. I didn't even try to make sense. Peggy wondered (silently) whether I was going off on yet another chase after wild geese, but she supported me. She has always supported me.

What had I discovered? What was the truth, the insight, the awareness which transformed me from old and tired to young and exuberant? Simply this; I discovered that I create my life. I choose to believe certain things which then create my experiences of living. I create my feelings, my relationships, my success and my failures. I created my past and I am creating my future.

This was not new information. I had read books, listened to tapes and gone to lectures for years which told me the same thing. I even taught my clients that they created their lives. Yet I acted as if life was responsible for creating me. I blamed my parents, my church, my first wife and anyone else I could think of, for any problems in my life.

Somehow, whatever I had just experienced had made the information real to me. I now not only believed it, I began to experience it. A good relationship with Peggy became even better. My career took off Money came to me freely and easily. I woke up early, full of energy. I had tun most of the time. People noticed the difference. I loved God and experienced God's love for me. I began to clean up my past. I asked for forgiveness and forgave others. The cloud of guilt and resentment which had followed me for years lifted. I was full of joy.

One of my favorite stories is about a construction worker opening his lunch pail and complaining loudly "Baloney sandwiches! Again! All I ever get to eat is baloney sandwiches!" His partner suggests gently, "Why don't you ask your wife to pack you something different?" "Wife hell," he snorts, "I pack my lunch!"

I pack my lunch. I always have. I put into the pail all the things which I ultimately must eat. I used to do it unconsciously. Because I was unaware, I was able to blame and accuse others of packing baloney in my pail. Discovering that I pack my lunch causes me to take responsibility. This is not always easy. It was convenient to blame others. Yet I now enjoy my lunch. I put things into the pail that I love. Being conscious and intentional about creating my life allows me to create a life I love.

Life skills is not about fixing lives. We are not here to change others. We think you are just right - right now. Life skills is about waking up to the possibilities which have existed all our lives. Our process opens the eyes and ears to the wonder and greatness which have been there all the time. Life skills is not about creating greatness; it is a process by which you discover your greatness!

PREDICTIONS THAT DID NOT COME TRUE

Learning The Benefit Of Hindsight

"Computers in the future may weigh no more than 1.5 tons."

--Popular Mechanics, forecasting the relentless march of science, 1949

"I think there is a world market for maybe five computers."

--Thomas Watson, chairman of IBM, 1943

"I have traveled the length and breadth of this country and talked with the best people, and I can assure you that data processing is a fad that won't last out the year."

--The editor in charge of business books for Prentice Hall, 1957

"But what ... is it good for?"

--Engineer at the Advanced Computing Systems Division of IBM, 1968,commenting on the microchip.

"There is no reason anyone would want a computer in their home."

--Ken Olson, president, chairman and founder of Digital Equipment

Corp., 1977

"This 'telephone' has too many shortcomings to be seriously considered as a means of communication. The device is inherently of no value to us."

--Western Union internal memo, 1876.

"The wireless music box has no imaginable commercial value. Who would pay for a message sent to nobody in particular?"

--David Sarnoff's associates in response to his urgings for investment in the radio in the 1920s.

"The concept is interesting and well-formed, but in order to earn better than a 'C,' the idea must be feasible."

--A Yale University management professor in response to Fred Smith's paper proposing reliable overnight delivery service. (Smith went on to found Federal Express Corp.)

"Who the hell wants to hear actors talk?"

--H.M. Warner, Warner Brothers, 1927.

"We don't like their sound, and guitar music is on the way out."

--Decca Recording Co. rejecting the Beatles, 1962.

"Heavier-than-air flying machines are impossible."

--Lord Kelvin, president, Royal Society, 1895.

"So we went to Atari and said, 'Hey, we've got this amazing thing, even

built with some of your parts, and what do you think about funding us?

Or we'll give it to you. We just want to do it. Pay our salary, we'll

come work for you.' And they said, 'No.' So then we went to

Hewlett-Packard, and they said, 'Hey, we don't need you. You haven't

got through college yet.'"

--Apple Computer Inc. founder Steve Jobs on attempts to get Atari and

H-P interested in his and Steve Wozniak's personal computer.

"You want to have consistent and uniform muscle development across all

of your muscles? It can't be done. It's just a fact of life. You just

have to accept inconsistent muscle development as an unalterable

condition of weight training."

--Response to Arthur Jones, who solved the "unsolvable" problem by

inventing Nautilus.

"Drill for oil? You mean drill into the ground to try and find oil?

You're crazy."

--Drillers who Edwin L. Drake tried to enlist to his project to drill

for oil in 1859.

"Stocks have reached what looks like a permanently high plateau." --Irving Fisher, Professor of Economics, Yale University, 1929.

"Airplanes are interesting toys but of no military value."

--Marechal Ferdinand Foch, Professor of Strategy, Ecole Superieure de Guerre.

"Everything that can be invented has been invented."

--Charles H. Duell, Commissioner, U.S. Office of Patents, 1899.

"Louis Pasteur's theory of germs is ridiculous fiction".

--Pierre Pachet, Professor of Physiology at Toulouse, 1872

"The abdomen, the chest, and the brain will forever be shut from the intrusion of the wise and humane surgeon".

--Sir John Eric Ericksen, British surgeon, appointed

Surgeon-Extraordinary to Queen Victoria 1873.

DESPERATE/SHOP LIFTING I had never heard of Judy Kelly. She called and said she had been listening to a sermon of mine from NORTH AVE CHURCH and she wanted to talk to me. She came in and began crying. Story: married, son, divorced, Emory Law School, Bright future with K and S (King and Spalding or another firm), went to Civil Service. Not making enough money -- gone to shop lifting, ashamed, helpless, addicted. Need your help. I asked her if she had a wounded child and she said, "Yes." Father who loved her brother, his teeth and not her college, checks bounced. etc. An agnostic until M.V. Parish called her in. She feels rejected by MV because she doesn't measure up.

EASTER SERMON AT SHALLOWFORD

I Cor 15:1 – Christ died, he was buried, he was raised, he appeared to many witnesses – then to me. This is indeed the way of Christ. He did all of the above. But Christianity is spread by Christ appearing to persons. It is the appearance that is important.

But unlike Paul on the Road to Damascus we do not recognize the Voice. He speaks but we are long in hearing. Ill. Jesus came to class and someone said, "I've never experienced Christ; come in."

WAKE UP, God's morning has come. A boy’s mother died. He was reared by Mandy, a black woman. She cared for him all his young years. He went away to college, Mandy died, called home. At the graveside he said, "If I die before Jesus comes, bury me here by Mandy. So that when Jesus does come I will hear Mandy say to me again, "Wake Up God's Morning has Come." (I can develop this in many ways, wake up, the morning has come, a witness has spoken, God has come near.)

Finding Voice.. John Harrison was born in Canada, father a lawyer. Wanted him to be a lawyer, success college, etc. He was not interested in college until he took English. God interested in reading and writing. Tried a series of jobs like grad school, stock broker, was getting a promotion when he went into the boss and said, "I can't do this. I quit. Thanks for everything but this is not for me."

He then took a course on filmmaking and did everything from Key Grip to Directing. He was told that he should be a talk show host.

Later he signed up with the Jesuits. Wanted to learn communication and TV. He told the director that he was not interested in film, but only in video for TV. Old Master asked him if he would come and see a movie that had been made. Sure, why not, one time.

So he and Lois went to see 2 movies being shown at the school La Strata that starred Anthony Quinn. Quinn was a rough and tumble guy who had this girl as an assistant in his acts. She died and he came home to get the other sister to work with him. He made his pitch, she turned and walked to the beach , your heart was going out to hear until the camera caught he face and she was smiling --- YES, O YES this is freedom. "At that moment I met God and myself. I knew I could do work like that. I had the gifts of writing, intuition and imagination to do that." (JOHN) He found his voice.

As he talked to me one evening he said, "A man is defined more by what he refuses to do than what he does." I wondered aloud what he would do to protect himself from the things that would distract him???? Don't know.

"Speak when you fail to be at peace with your thoughts." Gibran.

"What the deaf Man Heard." The movie. Matthew Modine. Mormon. Moral guy. His father dropped out when the said that Buddhists were not seeking God. In the movie Modine plays the role of a kid who grows up in the town and has never spoken. Mother told him not to speak. I asked him, What have your learned from the experience of playing this role? Sammy – after 20 years of silence and being in this movie. He learned. "You notice what is going on around you. Wind, birds, songs. Hear the sounds that people are making. If would be a lot better if people listened. Ought to take a day a month to listen.,

MOVIE SCENE. In Wilmington the set was an old UMC. There were 4 to 6 vans and trailers for the directors etc. Clothes, costumes. 100 persons per day were working on this movie. 10 or 12 watermelons. Flood in the break room.

In the small room where the filming was going on, there were about 20 or 25 persons holding booms, mikes, lights etc. And the director says, "Action.." Every scene was taken 4 or 5 times. John has such a way with actors. Supporting, encouraging, making suggestions about how they might try it a different way. Always created space for the persons with whom he was working.

I learned something important for myself. 1) I will be defined more by what I turn down than by what I do. 2) People need to be encouraged to believe in their possibilities, given permission to be themselves, to create an accepting environment in which they may try out new ways of being and doing. I want to change by way of ministry in this directional Maybe I can throw off the last vestiges of J P Trueblood and Charles Finney.

John had his first directing opportunity. There were about 150 top executives looking at him in the studio. He was directing famous actors – Rip Torn and others. It suddenly dawned upon him that he did not know when to say, "Action!" So he waited and waited ACTION. It was not the time. He turned to the execs, "I 'm just excited and ready to go."

TWO CHURCHES OUT OF BUSINESS One became a fish bait shop and the other a museum. I think the former was more in keeping with the gospel.

KINDNESS I think the way John Harrison dealt with the actors inspired me. I met a man on a plane to Chicago and he inspired me. Stewardess said, Thank you for your kindness." Dealer at Good Year said he could get to my tires in 2 hours. Across the street the man said it will take about 20 minutes. Bill and Judy Maddox reminded me of Grace Thompson's kindness to me.

I asked Susan Bishop about kindness and she told me about her little son who did not want to go on a retreat because he heard her telling her mother than he was going to send his brother away to school. He finally told her. Had to write it. Wrote Matthew going to School. And this kid has picked on him every day of his life.

Can Kindness become an antidote to violence.

Jared at SS – "BE Kind to one another."

Prayer of Oswald (605 to 642)

May I feel Your presence

at the heart of my desire,

and so know it for

Your desire for me.

Thus shall I prosper,

Thus see that my purpose is from You.

Thus have power to do

the good which endures. (given me by Tom Lewis)

God be with me in this Your day every day and every way, with me and for me in this Your day and the love and affection of heaven be toward me.

Then another part of his prayer: All that I am Lord, I place in your hands. (repeated) All that I do, …..Everything I work for, …..The troubles that weary me, ….The thoughts that disturb me, ….Each that I pray for, …..Each that I care for, ….The choices I face. (set up like the prayer above with the repetition of I place in your hands).

Commission At the bottom of the Mount of Beatitudes there is a small sign which reads, “Dear Guide, Please pass this way.” And when you move over about 30 feet you walk into a place of meditation that over looks the sea of Galilee.

Erected there is a large stone that recalls the words that Jesus could have said in Galilee, “Go you therefore and make disciples .....(Mt. 28:19-20-)

It was erected there by Bargil Pixner, a Benedictine from the Dormitian Abbey in Jerusalem, because he thought it not complete for persons to come to recall the Sermon on the Mount without a challenge to participate.

Nationalism. On board the boat to Tiberius, the deck hand dressed in white, took the American Flag and raised it while the Captain played “Star Spangled Banner” on a tape over the speaker system. All stood and sang as the flag was hoisted.

Birth Father Chacour said, “I was not born a Christian, I was not born a Jew, I was born a baby. All babies are alike. They have two eyes, two ears, a nose, and a mouth. We are born alike and we do not need to find ways to differ.

The Kibbutz

A religious community. This is the way that their religious life is expressed. It is an approach to true Judaism.

“The way we lie our lives is an expression of the will of God!” ED Several things are important in the living of their lives, the sources of their lives.

1. Torah Scroll. We believe that these words came to Moses straight from God. God spoke these words in Moses ear. You cannot read these words like a Jew, you have on your Christian lenses.

2. Mishna is the oral law given to Moses along with the sacred words of instruction. The Talmud provides comments on the oral law. We do not know what the Torah means without the Talmud which is given along with the Torah.

For example the law says that they shall put the law on the lentils and door posts of the houses. But it doesn’t tell you how to put them there and how high to put them and whether the box should be horizontal or perpendicular. So when it was argued, they slanted it so that neither side won the debate.

3. The Talmud is like a conversation that is going on with the law and with those who have written in it before. The Talmud is closed about 500 CE which marks the birth of modern Judaism. But we are still in conversation with the words that were spoken and the commentary that was given previously.. These are negotiations with the text. Negotiations goes on the understand, to apply, to make relevant. But this is not an effort to avoid the implications of the text.

Life in the Kibbutz Lavi. The word means “togetherness” and began with youth from Europe who came to create a new society based on justice. Many of them, most of them are secular and have rejected the religion of their parents in the Old Country.

The K. is socialistic. Children belong to the community and are reared during the ay at the children’s house by members of the community. They never hire people to come in and rear their children. They cook for the community, work together, and own everything together. Wash is done for the community and at one time they would put in their clothes and go get a pair of pants to wear. Now they have numbers -- all you have to do is get a 48 waist for a 30 inch person and you will put numbers on the clothes.

Equality is a feature of the K. Believe that everyone has inherent worth that is not based on what they do or who their parents were. hotel manager has 2 children and he does not get as much as the garbage man who has 4. One man prepared to practice law at Harvard and he is picking pears.

TORAH

4 words 6 words

between man and God between man and man

Three Major Feasts or festivals

1. Feast of Weeks -- giving of the Torah to Moses in the mount.

2. Feast of Tabernacles -- wandering in the wilderness 40 years

3. Feast of Passover -- deliverance from Egypt.

Observance of the law and the practices of faith at Lavi (Maybe an illustration)

-- Friday Night begins Sabbath

-- Kisher food

-- pray three times daily (Some prayer is private, some with family, and the other in community in the synagogue.)

Believe that the world rests on three pillars: Torah, Worth, and Good works

To become a member of the K. one must come as an inquirer (quest), be a candidate for a year, and then a full member of the community. (Do not have casses of adultery.) Maybe too much public life and openness.

Present government does not support the K. but the former did. Goldie Maire came from a Kibbutz and was a great supporter of the movement as a reform movement in Judaism. They believe that the provide the substance of Israeli life, calling the nation back to the practices of the faith. Ed, our guide, always wanted to live in Israel because he wanted to rear his children in the land. Wanted to be part of the great experiment of faith.

Interesting way of keeping the law. Can’t milk on Sunday. So they have a suction to turn on a suction -- about 6 steps removed-- and that is the way to milk without breaking the law or hiring someone to work for you on Sabbath.

Individualism in K. At the K. dinner you cant drink tea alone, can’t read a book or newspaper @ a meal ---- must engage in conversational Exept two persons who are deaf, theycan read.

Synagogue Worship:

At worship there is a leather pouch that holds verses they are bound 7 times and placed on the arm and another on the forehead. -- you shall bind them to your arms and wear them on your head.

Service includes:

warm-up with conversation or singing

focus on the Creator

Focus on the Covenant

The Schema

Redemption (all these movement include verses from scripture.)

Don’t use the 10 commandments anymore. “Those people” use them and when Christians began using the law of God, they stopped saying them.

Ed asked, “How do I get atonement for my sins.” You Christians have Jesus. So I have three things: prayer, righteousness, and repentance. And this atones for my sin. Here is a charity box where give to the poor as an expression of righteousness.

Jewish Spirituality

Presentation by Yehaskel Landau on Jan. 17, 1997

Studied with James Fowler, Christer Stendahl, Harvey Cox, and a fellow student with Bill Rogers who is at Gilford College in Greensboro. Also studied at the Jewish Academy and does peace work here in Israel. The Open House is where he lives, his wife inherited it. And they have 3 families: Christian, Muslim, and Jewish families in this house living together.

Believes the Jews have a distinct identity and witness. Ill. You walk along the road and you see roads from the time of the Romans and art from the Greeks but these are all gone. The Jews are back in Israel. Does this not say something about their ability to be here and abide and does it not say that God wants them here?

Israel or Palestine is God’s laboratory for working out the way of peace in the world..

Torah is “divine teaching” it is enough to show us how to live in this world. We are called from the time of deliverance from Egypt to be a Kingdom of Priests. They were called to take the monotheistic message of God to the world. He calls for a pluralistic monotheism -- of Moslem, Christian and Jew.

Jews deal with truth dialectically, not dogmatically. For example, Shammi and Hillel and they were arguing vigorously with each other. When they could not settle it, a voice spoke “Both these words and those words are true.” Suggests the dialectical nature of truth. We believe that God appears and speaks through argument and debate (and Presbyterians must).

THE ROCKET SHIP

Three groups believe they have the truth. 1) Jews believe the rocket was launched at Sinai and had a sub orbital trajectory and laded at Jerusalem. All persons will eventually come to Jerusalem. They will learn Hebrew so that they can read the flight plan in the original.

2. Christians see themselves as Israel of the Spirit. You are fixed on earth, you should look to heaven, all those troublesome rituals have been superceded in Christ in a new revelation of God. If you want to get on board, confess Christ, learn Greek, read the plans and be part of the journey.

3. Islam. All of you are already on the rocket ship. But the flight plan is written in Arabic and you cannot know about it unless you learn the language of the manual.

*Each has a self reference. God has chosen us and the other two are inferior. Something like the Gold, Silver, and Bronze metal. Or, will you give the other two a metal at all? How far have we advanced from Isaiah’s Time? (See chapter 56) Are we stuck?

Landau rejects a radical apocolypticism because it gives rise to violence. A group comes to believe that they are the chosen ones to correct and control all others and this leads to killing.

Landau fills the same role that I do. He also believes that his faith is the highest and that it was given to keep the others in check or to fill them.

Maimonides about 1,000 said with respect to the survival of the Jews without a temple, we’ve been around a 1000 years. God must not want burnt animals anymore but wants the animal nature burned on the altar of our hearts. (613 commandments and prohibitions)

“We cannot square the circle.”

Yehaskel tells about a friend that cannot accept Palestinians. He says, “I cannot say this is the land of Israel and the land of the Palestinians. It is the land of Israel. I know they (Palestinians) cannot say this. I have to say it is the land of Israel but I must love them and when they get a nation I will respect it.”

Time begins with creation. The last thing created is the first in importance. Remember the Sabbath Day to keep it holy.

SYNANGOGUE SERVICE

We visited synagogues in Capernaum where Jesus might have spoken and worshipped. The synagogue always faces toward Jerusalem. In the front are the scrolls, Moses seat where rules are made, and a table for the law. The service included: (See Luke 4)

Prayers and hymns -- many of these were psalms sung without accompaniment

Reading from the Books of Moses, on a 3 year cycle, now it is one year. (Anyone in the community could read the Torah and the Half-Torah)

Reading from the Half-torah (Jesus was given the scroll and read from it) Like a good Rabbi, Jesus sat to give the sermon or instructions. And he sat in “Moses Seat” the place of authority. Like we speak for Christ from the pulpit.

Sermons were dialogues, no discourses. There were questions and answers with the Rabbi re the law and the teachings.

Prayers concluded. (Notice in Nazareth when Jesus spoke, they never got to the end of the service.)

Caesarea Philippi or Confession of Christ At the place where Peter made his confession, it was a site where other kinds of worship had taken place. Here the Greek god Pan who was 1/2 man and half goat with a flute, a fertility god and this can be easily seen because of the water and the greenery.

Next in the time of Herod the Great, a temple was built here (Roman) and he named it Caesarea in honor of the Caesar in Rome.

Then, his son Phillip named the place, Caesarea Philippi in honor of himself.

Against this background Jesus asked his disciples, “Who do men say that I am?”

When Peter says “You are the Christ” he is saying that Jesus is greater than the governor who named it for himself, greater than Rome, and greater than Greece. Son of the Living God.

After the session on Saturday morning Tom McCutchin asked me to take a walk with him. He wanted to talk with me about something. As a background he told me about being a pediatrician and got bored with the work and wanted to do something else, then about his neck operation and the pain in his shoulder that changed his life. He ten talked about this father’s death.

Reared in S. Carolina near Florence. His father had lived in the same place for 65 years, then he had to go to a home. Tom was with him inn the moment of his death.

All his vital signs had ceased and he had stood there for about 5 minutes when he felt a swish of air as though it flowed through his whole body (dad’s) and he stood there and felt it swish out of his body through his mouth.

Then after the funeral when they gathered in the living room to pray. The joined hands and it was as though the spirit of the father made a circle around them, touching them, saying good by and was gone.

He wanted to know

Juliana Pugh -- came to make an appointment and stayed to talk. She was reared in an abusive home in which the Father fought wit the mother and she with him, father disciplined even tortured the children mentally, while the Baptist preacher argued that the woman should stay married to the man.

At 15 she saw her father kill her mother with a knife. It was terrifying. She ran and jumped on his back and looked into his eyes and did not see a person there. She was terrified as she looked at him and did not hear a sound. She said, “I don’t know what you believe about the devil but I believe he was possessed with the devil. I have never felt more terrified of anyone in my life. I dreamed about it and waked up from a nightmare many a night.”

At 15 she was on her own. She made it singing in bars and lying about her age. She developed a career in singing after finishing from the school of music and drama in Florida. She went to New York to try to make it big -- did not, loaded her car with her mikes and music (boards she called it worth about $25,000) and was headed for Atlanta. Came back and someone had stolen her car and everything she had.

During this time made a trip to California with her boyfriend who was her fiancés. He did with a heart attack.

Came to Atlanta. Peachtree Church. Pat Wrisley spoke to her about counseling and she got 2 years. New York to make a record. But the studio hired strippers to be the backup singers. Too much of a contradiction for her and she bailed out.

Got a good job, quick advancement, big pay. Was asked to move to Chicago for more money that she had ever heard of before. Just before leaving in the Fall of 95 she was walking to Mc Donald’s to get a coke and then on to Central Park to Roller Blade. Put on her skates and fell breaking her leg seriously, swelled twice the size of mine.

Enter Rob Williams. He said, “What have you always wanted to do?” She said, “Work in the Church and serve God.” Do it.

Back to Atlanta. Peachtree. CTS

Prayer You own Way! There is a story told of a bishop in the Eastern Church who was visiting his congregations along the coast. He came to an Island that had only a few Christian Hermits living on it and he visited it because the people shad they needed instruction.

So he made his way out to the island and met with 3 them. He asked how do you live? Alone.

How do you pray? "We are three, you are three, have mercy on us!

Do you know the Lord's Prayer? No. So he spent all day teaching them the Lord's

prayer.\

At the end of a hard day he got back to his cabin, settled in for rest. When suddenly there was a scream. B. B. come and look, come and look. Finally, they dragged him from the cabin and he saw three hermits running across the top of the water.

"Bishop, we forgot the Lord's prayer. Help us."

Bishop said, "God back and pray the best you can."
(Is this not what we should do. Go back and pray the best you can.")

Same story in Jewish lore. Wise man was traveling through the country side when he came upon a shepherd boy. He asked how do you pray.

Shepherd boy said, "Lord of the universe, if you have any sheep, I'd keep them for free."

"No, no that is not the way to pray, said the wise man. You must pray the schema, "The Lord our God is One, and you shall love the Lord your God with all your heart, with all your soul, and with all your strength."

That night in a dream the Lord God (Yahweh) came to him and said, "You have ruined my disciple teaching him your dogma.. I am angry with you.

So, the wise man arose early to look for the shepherd boy, he asked, "How are you praying."

"I don't pray. Can't pray. Can't recall all that you said to me."

God back to praying as you did. I fear for my life..

(Pray as you did.)

The Sister's name at St. Joseph was Stella Maris. Story is on the other computer.

STORIES 1998

God and Golf and Richard Wilson. In cart at Fair Oaks. I say God is not interested in golf. O I have story to tell you . Told me about a dream he has for helping college and high school players get connected to golf pros. Giving a dinner and inviting coaches and players. Get them matched up with a club or touring or retired touring pro who will see them talk with them and model the faith.

Also, Richard told me about cancer, colon out and playing golf in 8 weeks. He had lost his father, father in law, and his wife’s mother in one year. But he said I had more peace that year than ever in my life. He has a great perspective on life.

Told me about his mission statement “to add meaning to the life of ever person that I meet or touch.” A consultant.

Illustrate with Richard Wilson. He is a member of FPC in San Antonio, Texas. A couple of years ago we were playing golf at Fair Oaks Club. Richard had been through more in the last year than any man should have to. His father, father in law and his mother in law and had had an operation for colon cancer. Was playing golf in 8 week.

As we drove along I commented: “I don’t think that God is very interested in Golf. Praying over my shot has done very little good.” Richard said, “But I believe he is.” And then he told me that he had a dream for golf. To get golf coaches in colleges and high school together for a dinner, match them up with pros who have retired and let them witness to each other. Maybe God is interested in golf.

Old Pain Louis Strumberg turns away when I say we ran into your wall He recalled the time when two young boys who had taken the care w/o permission and hit the high wall, careened into his back yard and killed his 5 year old son. How could they handle it. Mary Pat discovered that she was already pregnant with another child. She decided that I cannot hurt this child with my grief. I believe God was looking out for me.

Providence, God in our lives. Pat O Neal was married to a PC min and he divorced her. She came to San Antonio to live with her daughter or near her. She got a job as an educational director. But came the Main Even at FPC. Was pushing around in leaflets and announcements. She found the ad for the Director of Lay Ministry. Read, applied and said to me, “This is the job that I would have designed to myself.”

Charlie Orsinger was concerned about his bad words. Played golf with the minister. Louis Z. Missed a shot and asked him what he said, “O, Louis!” So the rest of the day I heard Charlie saying, “O Louis”

Wonder. Reed Myers said, “Don’t walk up to the 7^th Tee. He came made me look down, led me onto the T. then said open your eyes. Wow, Roller Coaster, Park, down Town, etc. He said it is like in Titanic when a common guy fell in love with an elite maiden. Close eyes, led her to the bow of the boat, put arms around her and said look. 30 stories below the Ocean. “I can fly.”

I Am Pleased with You. Louis Z said, “I can’t imagine God ever saying to me, I am pleased with you. It is the fartherist thing from my mind. I have never felt it. (But you’d like to wouldn’t you.) After we had done the baptism passage contemplatively.

David Merriweather. He told me hs story.; Born in SA. Bright. Full ride to Rice. Baylor. Went into the ministry but not sure how that should be. Southern Baptist where he met a mentor. This man asked him to have dinner with him because you are the only person in the class who has smiled at me. Batchelor. Went out to dinner and in the course of dinner he told D. that this was his birthday and he wanted to celebrate it with someone. Fast friends. This man recommended D go to Duke. Finished at Duke.

God a job with the state. Checked out on God because of the Theodicy Problem. John Claypool’s child died of brain disease. After 5 years. You have too many gifts to let yourself waste away here. Awakened him. Came to SA

Looking for someone whom he cold talk to. Met Renee and held her hand all evening. Then, began to send flowers and letters. Came at Christmas and they looked a diamonds in windows, moving rapidly, then when he asked her to marry him she said, but you have never said you love me. Look in the can. When they would seal cans with presents in them. He had put a note in it saying I Love You.

Boerne, Interim, came from Baptist church in N C to SA and the exec and Louis helped him find his place in the PCUSA>

God Far Away Broken Heart Suppressed Emotion Jane Watson in San Antonio. Came for appointment to talk about her love for Jeff Wood. She had been friends with him through the year that his wife had died. They had talked lots and had shared deeply. In the process her feelings for him grew and she was deeply attracted to him. When she asked him about his feelings for her, he said that he appreciated her as a friend but that he did not have romantic feelings for her. She was/is crushed by this and deeply hurt. What can she do.

I suggested to her that she is in a state of grief. Her grief must thaw out before she can imagineherself a positive future.

She felt far from God. I told her this had nothing to do with her relation with God. Her broken heart has spilled over into her relation with God and muddied the waters.

Catholic Church Nancy Novak came to talk about her husband going to the Catholic Church. They were married 12 or 13 years without going to church. Children came along and they decided to take them to church. He came to PC in SA for awhile until the children go old enough for training. He wanted them to be able to take the sacrament. She was wondering about becoming a Catholic.

Told me about her Fundamentalist influence. Neighbor took her to church, parents did not go. She and he came to FPC after they had some marital conflict. He likes Louis and enjoys church but he could never become a Pres.

I told her about Holly joining the Catholic church. And, I said that I would like to put her in touch with Charlotte Keller. She is to e-mail me.

Word of God Guidance Memory Jud Taylor made appointment with me in SA. He is a seeker. Told me about his son going to the Episcopal Church. They joined him there from the RC church.

For the first time he heard the scriptures read. He had gone to church before in the RC but had not heart the scripture read often and the sermons seemed more like declarations from the hierarchy.

While in the Episcopal Church he attended an evangelism class because they said it would help him with his communication. He admitted that he was dogmatic and controlling in his relation with his wife, so he went. In this class they asked when was the first time you had any relation with Jesus. He said that a picture came to his mind of being 5 years old in SS class. He was coloring a picture and the light shown on it and he saw the face of Christ. Felt drawn to Him. In this class he joined with others and prayed aloud for the first time.

Action of God Jud(above) told me about how the Lord seemed to be talking with him. He has soaked up the talks like a sponge. He has been seriously in prayer with other persons in the church. One day he looked at the stained glass windows over the entrance to the church and broke into tears.

I said, “God seems to be dealing with you, messing around in your life, and you are seeking to listen. What more can you do?”

He said that people had asked him to share in the ministry outside the church but he was not sure. He is waiting for clear guidance.

Becoming Protestant from Catholic -- Barbara in S A came to talk with me about her struggle. Son Judson became Episcopalian and they joined that church. She did everything around the church that they needed. It was the cleanest it had ever been. She visited, served, helped the priest and never felt that she had a clear sense of her faith.

Jud and Judson came to the FPC and she followed along. She went to a Bible study group and someone told her if she had a question about whether she was a Christian or not, she probably was not. This cast her into a very dark mood.

She came to every service that I conducted, she listened an participated but was still struggling. My response: Do you trust in Christ? Do you give your life to him. (Shoemaker statement) and she said yes. You have done all that you can do! Trust Christ to do what you cannot do.

Earlier I had said to her: “Don’t throw away all the things that you have learned in the Catholic Church -- much is very very good. And she seemed so relieved.

(Her sister had rejected her for joining the PCUSA and this was very painful to her with both parents dead.)

Providence of God God thing or a chance thing.

Peggy had been married to a lawyer who was quite successful but quite unscrupulous in some of his dealings. Had made lots of money through some shady deals. She did not approve of it.

Her life became increasingly empty even with money and success. She had told some friends of her plight and one of them had asked her a bible study and her interest in Christ was awakened.

Her experience of Christ threw her into a tizzy. If she became a Christian, how would she deal with her husband. Would he live with her? Could she be a Christian and live with him?

One day when she was walking, she saw ahead of her a magazine lying on the sidewalk. When she got never she picked it up and the very page it was opened, “I have promised to be with you. I will never leave you. You can do all things through my power in you.” She took that as a sign from Christ.

Then one day she was sitting in church and she saw the risen Christ in the stain glass window. It seemed to her that he came and sat with her. He put his arm around her and said, “I am with you.” She had the courage to give herself to him and to walk out in faith.

The painful divorce did come. He could not take it. But Christ is with her and she is following him faithfully. Grace has come.

Overcoming Fundamentalism. Nancy Newman She and her husband have been married a dozen years. She has come from a fundamentalist background and has made an adjustment in the Presbyterian Church. He now wants the daughters to take training so they can have communion. She cannot take communion unless she receives instruction. She is in a quandary.

I urged her to go ahead with her husband, take the training, but take all the good things that she has learned into the RC Church.

John’s Wife and John

– they both came to talk with me together. I have a hard time recalling what we talked about. Calling. Jim Worth is thinking about publishing. Is God calling him to this ministry. He gave me material and wants a reply for his work.

A Vision or Miracle. A woman told me about having a dream about a very dear friend. The next day she got a call that this very man had died. She wondered about that.

Then she thought while she was standing at the kitchen sink that she had seen a man walk by who was a good friend. She called to ask if he were in town but the person who answered the phone said, “He has died.”

She was able to talk with her mother about this. Mother was afraid to die but when she told her these experiences she felt that her mother had hope beyond this life. She asked me, “What do You Think about this? I think she has been waiting a long time to ask this question to someone who would listen and take her seriously.

Pray for me

Pray for me the next 3 or 4 months. Louis Stoneburgh said to Nan and me as we left their house the last night we were in San Antonio. There was something about the way he said it that made me feel that it was from the doctor’s office the past week and the news was not too good. I will pray from him.

Guidance Grief

Word from God After lunch. I went by the bookstore to talk with S. about stocking the new book. She is up for this and I offered her an extra 40 to give to all the professors. She accepted the offer.

But then, I looked into her eyes. They had a strange tiredness about them and they were dark on her lids and hollow to look at.

“Your eyes look tired, Susanne. Are you okay?”

“They are tired, I’m tired,” and I knew there was more to come.

“This is the week a year ago that Dick died.”

I’m sorry.

“It has been so hard for me. He and I were so very close and life is not the same without him. I have been leaning on my two sons too much, forcing them to carry my burden and grief. I have begun to get some counseling to help me work through my grief as a way of taking some of the pressure off them.”

(I talked with her about the power of hope and the frozen imagination that will not and cannot picture a future until is thaws out some.)

After the conversation, I took her hand and said a prayer for her. You were there and I somehow feel that you sent me by to see her.

Magic Vision Faith

Yesterday we took Christina shopping for her 5^th birthday. She is a precocious child. Every grandparent believes that their grandchildren are precocious, don’t they?. While we were going to Toys R Us we were talking about a barbecue place at which we had had lunch with her father and mother.

We asked Christina how do you get to Sonny’s Barbecue? Nan and I asked. She though a minute and said, “I don’t know. I just close my eyes and in 15 minutes we will be there when I open them again.”

Images of God Transcendent In class Chris said that he thought of God as transcendent and immanent. It was illustrated for him in the childhood prayer over meals: God is great, God is good. The greatness of God led him to transcendence and the goodness of God bespoke God’s immanence as one near to him. I asked about the Transcendence and he told of standing on Mt. Sinai with Moses and hearing the thunder and seeing the flashing lightening. And, for God’s goodness he thought of an answer to prayer when he was breaking up a 2 year romance.

Michelle spoke of 3 stages of her evolutionary understanding of God. First was God the protector. She came to know this God early when her parents prayed over her ever day before she went to school and they told her that God would be with her. One day she asked her mother, “What does God look like?” And her mother responded, “Light.” (What a wonderful image for a child who did not have a material object but a powerful universalizing image to work with. God is everywhere and shining upon all peoples.)

Second, when she encountered many persons who were suffering, she wondered why God did not save them from their pain if he were the Protector and this image began to be eroded by the reality of life in this world. Out of this erosion came the Image of God as Presence. If God did not protect the suffering, He was present to them.

Third, she has come to see God in more inclusive terms. She attends an Episcopal Church in which inclusive language is used. She has dared to think of God as Mother who embraces and nurtures her.

When I asked her if the state of her life made a difference in which image of God she resorted to. Yes of course it does.

Protector, Light, Presence, and Mother.

Others thinking about their Images of God in the class included the image of Sovereign, that no matter what, God was there and could be depended upon. Sara spoke of an experience with a Sr. minister who when she told her she was leaving went into a rage. (S. did not realize that she was depending upon her to be a confidant and support to her.) The minister became hostile, spread lies about Sara, turned the church against her and was very destructive. She wanted to walk out of the church and never go back. Then as she prayed about the issue, she found grace to accept the evil done to her and to forgive the woman for her vindictiveness.

Another image came from Jenny who thought of God as Faithfulness – this was illustrated to her by holding her first grandson in her arms for hours because they did not want him to go to the nursery in the hospital.

Boomer, New Convert, Control of your life

After David's installation we went over to his house. Paul and Bob came from Ft. Myers to the house after the service. Paul sat down and I began to talk with him. He was quick to tell me that he had been a Christian for 2 years and was hungry for the faith. He said, “I have a lot of catching up to do!”

I’d be interested in hearing your story about this change. One day a man came into his furniture place, a business that also does decorations. He asked him to come over to his house and take some measurements and make some suggestions for change. He said that he could come in a week or two.

About that time he said to Steve, the man who came into the store, “I am having a hard time; I’m in conflict with my girl friend.”

“I wish I had that problem.” L

What do you mean?

My wife was killed in an accident two years ago and my oldest son.

Paul’s heart went out to him. I’ll be at your house at 8:00 a.m. tomorrow.

He went to the house, did the measures, and then they got into a conversation about the Lord until lunch. Paul said, he had my attention. I couldn’t leave. Over the next few months Steve keep talking with Paul and Paul kept seeking answers. He felt that he had to be sure and that there was no turning back once he got started. The Spirit was awakening little by little over a 3 or 4 month period Paul.

One day he and Steve went out to lunch. Over lunch Steve said, If Jesus is in the car with you where is he? Back seat, front seat, driver, in the trunk?

Paul: I know that he is in the car with me but he definitely is not at the steering wheel. He is a passenger with my doing the driving.

The metaphor haunted Paul. He got into one of those life and death struggles. In that struggle he cried out to the Lord. Take over my whole life. I give it all to you. And in answer to that prayer a new life filled his consciousness – old things has passed away, all things have become new. He is a new man.

He has been a bible study program. He meets with promise keepers.

He said to me, “I am a different person. I have the hope of eternal life and I am settled in how I will live Mk life.”

Gift of Healing – Surprise.

Cindy from Chicago was here last week for the Spty and Personality course. She has told me in the past about the graced of God coming to her in unexpected ways. And now the gift of healing! In a manner that is off-handed and far from off-putting, she describes how this gift of healing came. She began to experience heat in her hands. She felt it and those for whom she prayed also felt it.

She told me of two experiences in which she “did a healing” for someone. First, there was a good friend of theirs who was told that he had a malignant brain tumor. He was shaken to the core and came to tell her and husband about the diagnosis. She asked if she could pray for him. As she began to pray she held one hand outside the energy field of his body and during the prayer she had a vision of a ray of light beaming through her hand and entering the back of his skull, in the place the tumor had been located. When they operated on him to remove the tumor all they found was a matted place of blood vessels on his brain.

Needless to say, the man’s skepticism has run onto hard times.

Next, she prayed for her husband who had blockage in his aorta. Since her conversion most of the folk in her family fear that she has gone off the deep end, so she is low key with her family in every way. Her husband was diagnosed with a clogged aorta and the surgeon had prepared him for and angioplasty or angiogram to determine the extent of the clogging. She held her hands over him, put them on his chest, prayed for him and when the angiogram was taken, he was free of all blockages.

An Angel for Me

February 21 I was rushing to the seminary to make an appointment. I thought I’d call ahead to give Nan a report on my arrival. While looking at the cell phone I scrubbed a curb, split a tire, and warped a rim ($323 rim). Obviously, I missed the appointment.

I pulled into a side street with a number of cluster homes in the cul-de-sac. I was trying to figure out where the jack was, none was visible. Then I read the directions on the back of the spare tire cover. Sure enough it was there in the side of the trunk.

I got it out but it seemed pretty complicated – how to put it on the car, getting the car in park with the brake on, getting the lugs off.

Then quite suddenly an utility vehicle pulled in the drive, turned around in the cul de sac and a guy of about 30 got out and came over to me. He said, “You are all dressed for work and you don’t need to be doing this. Let me help you.” I easily agreed.

We talked about how the tools worked and how far up the car needed to b e – several decisions had to be made and he said, “Two heads are better than one.” After we got the tire changed from the big tire to the donut, he told me about going to south Georgia to help flood victims and that he was thinking of going to Florida to help clean up after the tornadoes. I called to him, “You remind me of a Christian man.”

When I told Nan about the incident, I concluded with the statement, “And you think that I don’t believe in angels?”

PCUSA in the year 2020

If you should extend the present trends into the 21^st century by the year 2020 the Presbyterian Church will ….

have fewer churches (about 8000)

have a few mega-churches

be old with average age about 60

have about 1 ¬Ω million members

have 2 less seminaries

look to the seminaries to provide guidance, training and resources for the congregations

have eliminated all the synod structures

have pared down the General Assembly with a meeting every 3 to 5 years

become a multi-cultural church with an inclusive spirituality

Theme for Conference 2,000

Acts 2:12 “What does this mean?” The meaning of Pentecost. Surprised by the Spirit! This is exactly what the early church ex12 “What does this mean?” The meaning of Pentecost! Surprised by the Spirit! This is exactly what the early church experienced. The disciples were surprised by the return of the Risen and Living Lord. Can we no expect the encounter Pentecost.??

TIME

Imagine there is a bank which credits your account each morning with

$86,400. It carries over no balance from day to day, allows you to keep no cash

balance, and every evening cancels whatever part of the amount you had failed

to use during the day. What would you do? Draw out every cent, of course!

Well, everyone has such a bank... its name is TIME. Every morning it

credits you with 86,400 seconds. Every night it writes off, as lost, whatever of this

you have failed to invest to good purpose. It carries over no balance; it

allows no overdraft. Each day it opens a new account for you. Each night it

burns the remains of the day. If you fail to use the day's deposits, the loss

is yours. There is no going back. There is no drawing against the tomorrow.

You must live in the present on today's deposits. Invest it so as to get

From it the utmost in health, happiness and success. The clock is running.

Make the most of today.

To realize the value of ONE YEAR, ask a student who has failed a

grade.

To realize the value of ONE MONTH, ask a mother who has given birth to a

premature baby.

To realize the value of ONE WEEK, ask an editor of a weekly

paper.

To realize the value of ONE DAY, ask a daily wage laborer who has

Kids to feed.

To realize the value of ONE HOUR, ask the lovers who are waiting

To meet.

To realize the value of ONE MINUTE, ask a person who has missed the

train.

To realize the value of ONE SECOND, ask a person who has avoided

An accident.

To realize the value of ONE MILLISECOND, ask the person who has

won a silver medal in Olympics.

Treasure every moment that you have. And treasure it more because

you have shared it with someone special; special enough to have your time.

Yesterday is history

Tomorrow a mystery

Today is a gift

That's why it's called the present.

Fetzer Week-end with Stories, sayings, and exercises.

In the introductions Tony spoke of his upbringing he spoke of a big black woman that taught him all that he knows. – His Mother!

His meeting with transcendence was once going toward home and had to cross a train track. Before he got to the track, a hand reached out and pushed him back. And, as he was pushed back, a train came steaming through and would have killed him.

He spoke of two things that his mother taught him:

1. Surrender to the Spirit!

2. Be ready when the call comes!

This is true for all of us. Surrender to the Spirit and be ready when the call comes.

Russ says, “When I was in seminary there seemed to be an unwritten verse of scripture that said, ‘we are saved by good theology,’ not by grace of God.”

David (EI) said that he was guilty because he had no evangelical conversion. About 7 years ago he made a major leap of consciousness. Found himself in India dealing with Hindu and Moslem. One of the seers or shaman said to him that he must have had a former life in which he was a temple worker. Keeps handing around the temple now.

Margaret who is the 4^th daughter of a UCC minister in Northern Arizona. Lived on the edge of a Navaho Reservation and learned to appreciate the Native American. She came to the meeting with no expectation. Married 3 times. Divorced from first husband; lived with a gay man who after 4 or 5 years decided to terminate the relation. Now she is married to Roger. An interesting persons whom I had the feeling was judging me for being a church person and minister and theology professor.

Will from Bolder. Spoke about identity popping. Like an identity fills out like a balloon, then something pops it. In that moment the anxiety is so great that He feels he must blow up another balloon image so that he will not He was a scientist. Has had 2 divorces (and I now living with Johanna) What does the easy society mean for those born in 1950 or 60?

Exercise for community. Gay asked us to take off our shoes and anything sharp from our pockets. We then got on our hands and knees, stretched out toward the middle and struggled because people were coming from every side. At the point when all the energy had been pretty well exhausted, Gay said, “Now turn over on your back, where you are. And, massage your insides with laughter!”

Immersion Week. Having persons come together to form community of learning is like inviting a guest. Each of us is a guest and host. The word for guest and host are the same in Hebrew. So think of yourself as hosting other people who are here. Hosts meet and welcome folks, they introduce them to others, they guide them to the goodies, and the check on them to see how they are enjoying the party. Keep these 4 things going while you are in the immersion week and it will be good.

In a recent conference I was asked what are you doing in your life. “I’m trying to attend to God in all things, working with a program at CTS and seeking to have other seminaries join in it.”

What is Spiritual Formation? ….is the naming of the many intrusions of the Sacred into our lives and the transformation that emerges in who we are, and how we live our lives. This transformation comes to us often uninvited, and grasps us at the center of our being. It then leads us into communion with others who share the awareness. When we are “aware” everything in our lives becomes a possibility for our encounter with the Sacred. Much occurs beneath the level of consciousness and yet is transforming nevertheless.

Gay (Healer) spoke to me of Reiki – passed on by oral tradition. Healing touch or laying on of hands.

Rick Jackson told of having lunch with his daughter. In the course of conversation she said to her father, “Do you ever get the feeling people are sleep-walking? I’d like to become part of their wakeup call.

SEEKING GUIDANCE AND DISCEDRNMENT Laura Dunham, PH. D. A graduate of CTS came to the course in group spiritual direction. She said she wanted an appointment – why not now, I asked.

We sat down in my office and she said, I have resigned my church as of June. It seemed to me that it was time to go because my vision of the church does not match that of the people. And, I have to discern what I am to do.

She spoke then of her gifts. I am an entrepreneur, I am ecumenical, would like to remain in Macon, seated on the Press. Foundation Board, like worship, have been in the servant leadership school of the church of the Savior for 9 months.

I asked a few more questions. Then, “Have you ever thought about forming a house church?”

Yes.

Why not? (A few fears about the old church coming out to the new house church, the challenge of Presbytery, and how to do it, etc.

But in the midst of the conversation it seemed to me that God was speaking through my questions and also through my affirmations. I think this is what it sometimes feels like when we are discerning godspeech. I am eager to know what happens here.

God Comes out of the Future

Robert Shelton (Austin Seminary) gave me this quote from one of his professors at Union: “God comes to us out of the future, picks up the broken pieces of the past and molds them into meaning in the present.”

PLANNING OASIS 2000 Yesterday we had 10 persons meet for 6 hours to plan the conference 2000 – one president, associate, GA, CTS, et al. We began with introductions that connected us with the word spirituality and then entered into silence for only 5 minutes. The Lord manifested his presence among us as we waited.

All issues were discussed with politeness, openness, sensitivity and we came to conclusions that I think were guided by the Spirit.

The most obvious manifestation of the Spirit came in the theme. We had a dozen ideas for themes but none seemed right. Ernestine Cole said, “What do you think about the word Oasis?”

At once the group jumped on it. Wells, water, bread and water for the journey, caravans, pilgrims, desert vs. oasis

Bob Shelton said, “If you want to connect it with the millennium, call it Oasis 2000.” And the group bought it.

At the close I offered the prayer remembering how many times I ask for help and guidance and how often I fail to thank God when it is given.

Serenity Prayer

“God grant me the grace to accept with serenity the things I cannot change, the courage to change the things I can, and the wisdom to know the difference; living one day at a time, enjoying one moment at a time; accepting hardship as the pathway to peace, taking as you did this sinful world as it is, not as I would have it; trusting you will make all things right, if I surrender to you will; that I may be reasonably happy in this life, and supremely happy with you forever in the next. Amen.” (Written by Reinhold Niebuhr for a service in the Congregational Church of Heath, Mass, where Dr. Niebuhr spent many summers, the prayer was first published in a monthly bulletin of the Federal Council of Churches” John Bartlett, Familiar Quotations. P 832.

“May I come to your church.”

John Klopfer told of 3 children that visited his church, seemed to be of Hispanic offspring. The oldest asked the first Sunday, “Is it alright for us to come to your church?” He would sit with his brother and sister and tell them aloud to be quiet and listen to the preacher. They came every week for 3 months and then disappeared.

Dave, Tax Attorney.

I was talking with Dave over dinner. I asked him how did you come to know Ron Smith. “He led me to Christ.” This was a simple, direct answer. And this man was grateful. His life was confused and misdirected. Now he serves in a 501c3 ministry in Florida that has schools in 50 states. They work with juvenile offenders and they gave about 90% effectiveness. (I had asked him what his school was and he told me some long name like the Local Marine Academy, which was the school he worked with in spare time. I could tell he was absorbed in his ministry.)

Who are the people who come to an Immersion Week?

Here we have 4 ministers, 2 minister’s wives, a woman of considerable wealth who is here to learn how to lead retreats so as to help some of her friends, a clinical psychologist who does holistic medicine, a church member who wants to be educated in the faith so she can fulfill her ministry, a recovering alcoholic, and a computer programmer for the school system who has no one to talk with about the deep things of her life. I find myself wondering if this is a cross section of the kind of people who want to be part of this program.

A Blessing

I've been meaning to write you for 6 months and never seem to get around

to it so even though this is not the way I intended to write you (ie

email) I suppose the this is better than more procrastination.

Mostly I've simply wanted to thank you for your work and for your

writings. I think sometimes you are unaware of the profound influence

you and your work have made on people like me. From your commitment to

evangelism back when I was uninterested to your leadership in the area

of Christian spirituality and mature discipleship now, you have paved

the way for those of us behind to follow. I am deeply grateful for your

vision and leadership and hope you know that there are many others who

feel as I do.

More than your accomplishments, however, I am glad for the example you

have set me as a simple, struggling, committed, prayerful, visionary man

of God. Who we are as leaders in the church is so much more relevant

than what we do. I know your life must be as complicated and fraught

with uncertainty as mine, and yet I feel whenever I with you that I'm

with someone who has recently talked with God. That is a good feeling for

which I yearn and much of my recent growth in faith orbits around my

desire to be attentive to God in the way you seem to be attentive.

I hope your current trip is one that gives you some Sabbath time. I

worry that the demands we want to make of you are unreasonable. Have

fun in Portugal and stay well. I'll try to do the same from here.

Your Friend in Christ

Paul

Talk with a Struggling Pastor

Look how long it has been since I wrote! What does that say about the summer? I think it says that I am trying to get away from my work and refresh my mind but it also means that my time of reflection and prayer has been less than serious.

Before we went to Portugal, Rusty called. We could not get our schedules together until Wednesday of this week – July 8^th. He wanted to talk about the experience in, which he could label Mr. Misery.

He came over to the house. When he began talking, he rehearsed the experience – how the search committee had told him they wanted to grow, they wanted a young man with vision and drive, someone to lead them into the 21^st Century. He went there and doubled the membership, raised money, fulfilled their long rang plan and then discovered that the old heads did not really want to do the long range plan. They wanted to keep things like they were; maybe they would change but over a very long time. Rusty was eager, energetic, and we ran full steam ahead but in the end they got him. The resisted the change, began to float rumors that he was a head-strong, self-centered egotists who was interested only in his own success and had not time to listen to the people.

I listened to him talk for a few minutes and then intervened. “Rusty, I am meeting with you today not as therapist nor as a spiritual director but as a friend. And I intend to talk with you out of that posture.” So here are some of the things that I want to say to you:

First, I think that you have gone over this experience enough. I suspect that you have analyzed and evaluated it so much that it is thin with meaning that it can yield to you. And, I imagine that you are getting nowhere doing this – no new information, no new insights and no relief. (As I spoke he nodded his head in agreement – yes, I’ve thought about this in every way that I know.)

Next, I suspect that you are stuck. You can’t get out of it. If you could get out, you would. You have told me how you have questioned yourself, your faith, God and the call you have to ministry. Everything has died for you!

Now I am going to make a statement to you that you will not believe but I believe it is utterly true. “What has happened to you is good! It is painful and seems to be without God but God is in the midst of this experience with you. I would like for you to hear it as an invitation from God – an invitation to get real in a way you never could have before. One day you will look back on this with gratitude because it will change your life and ministry. Everything in the future will be different.

As I said these words he looked dumfounded, like this couldn’t be true. But then tears began to roll down his cheek.

I said, “Rusty, you have done enough analyzing. You have looked out the events in every way possible. You can stop doing that. The explanation is not in the things that are on the outside but on the inside. It is time for you to look inside and let some changes occur.”

“What do you mean?”

“Well, you have gone over the events and have explained them to yourself a thousand times and that has not changed anything. Now, the task is to ask God, “What are you saying to me though this pain?” Listen to what comes to you. Nothing may come at first. Just keep asking the question and listen to what it is saying to you. The right question is better than a too-quick answer.

You told me how you wished you could go back to Nashville, how they loved you and how successful you were. Rusty, you can never go back. The gates of Eden are closed and Angels guard them with flaming swords. There is no going back. You think to go back would be Paradise again—it would not and that would be the worst thing that could happen to you. You would miss the growth and transformation that going to come to you.

I think you will find it helpful to story trying to get out of this pain. Let it work its work. It is your friend; it is God’s invitation. Listens to your soul and face into the pain.

Also, I want to encourage you to live in the present. He said that it was the hardest place for him to be. He wanted to go back or to escape into the future. Yet, Rusty, the only place for you to be is here and now facing this pain and letting it work in you. God is in the present and not in the past nor out there in the future waiting for you to get over this.

Do you keep a journal? “From time to time.” I encourage you to begin keeping a journal and reflect on each day as it begins to unfold. Who was in your day? What happened? Where was God in the day? If you don’t get an answer, don’t worry. There are the right questions. Live into them.

I read to him from Psalm 36 about the goodness of God that stretches to the heavens and about the steadfast love of the Lord that is higher than the clouds and how he lets us drink from the fountain of his delight. I prayed for him by name and hugged him and assured him that all would be all right.

See my ms on Living Before God for an interview with Burney Overton.

God and Golf and Richard Wilson.

In a golf cart at Fair Oaks, I said God is not interested in golf. My friend said, O I have story to tell you . The he told me about a dream he has for helping college and high school players get connected to golf pros. Giving a dinner and inviting coaches and players. Get them matched up with a club or touring or retired touring pro who will see them talk with them and model the faith.

Also, Richard told me about cancer, colon out and playing golf in 8 weeks. He had lost his father, father in law, and his wife’s mother in one year. But he said I had more peace that year than ever in my life. He has a great perspective on life.

Told me about his mission statement “to add meaning to the life of ever person that I meet or touch.” A consultant.

Forgiveness Revenge Prayer for enemies

When I was in San Antonio, one morning the minister told the staff that there would be a prayer vigil at the church on Thursday night when Leslie Lee Gosch would be executed in Huntsville, Texas.

He told how 15 years earlier Frank Patton who was an executive at the bank had gone down to rent a boat. A couple of guys took him to be very wealthy and marked him for some easy, ransom money.

They developed a plot to abduct his wife. One came to the door with flowers for her and she opened the door, let him in and was about to receive them when he attacked her. The two men came in, held her, called her husband at the bank and demanded a ¬Ω million dollars.

Before he could get the money to them, the killed his wife. Blood was everywhere and they would not let him in. The police, neighbors, and friends came in cleaned up the bloody mess before he came in.

Shortly the two were apprehended. One who assisted turned state's evidence on the other and said that the other man killed her though he was an accomplish.

Thursday was the day of execution for Leslie Gosch.

Frank Patton planned to be there. His daughter decided to look at the execution, filled with bitterness still.

In a brief letter Frank asked a few people in the church to gather for prayer in the chapel from 5:30 to 7:00 when the execution was to take place. He said, "I have mentioned a few names to you to please try to include. My hope is that this will be a time of prayer which is not widely known beyond the participants, as I don't want to make this an event that anyone feels they should participate in, nor feels excluded from. We'll trust that God knows who should be there.

Please be in prayer for the following and anything else on your hearts:

Becky Patton's family – mother was at the officers retreat.

Becky's family – daughter Amy, that she will feel God present with her; that her heart will be open to his love and his leading, that He will guard her from all evil; that he will enable her to forgive the persons responsible for Becky's death, while continuing to hate the evil which also breaks the heart of Jesus, that her heart will be healed.

(And he names other members of the family that they will be comforted and healed).

Then, he asks for prayers for Leslie Lee Gosch's family -- That they may know the presence of God in their lives; that God will give them comfort in their loss, healing in their hearts and assurance of the salvation available through Jesus.

And, for Leslie Lee Gosch:

That God will touch him in a way that his heart is open to receive the message of salvation through Jesus and that Leslie be reconciled with his Creator, accepting forgiveness available. That he not be afraid, but comforted. That God may guard his heart from Satan in these last moments.

True Love and Looks – from the internet.

John Blanchard stood up from the bench, straightened his Army uniform, and

studied the crowd of people making their way through Grand Central

Station.

He looked for the girl whose heart he knew, but whose face he didn't, the

girl with the rose.

His interest in her had begun thirteen months before in a Florida

library.

Taking a book off the shelf he found himself intrigued, not with the

words of

the book, but with the notes penciled in the margin. The soft handwriting

reflected a thoughtful soul and insightful mind. In the front of the

book, he

discovered the previous owner's name, Miss Hollis Maynell. With time and

effort he located her address. She Lived in New York City. He wrote

her a

letter introducing himself and Inviting her to correspond. The next day

he

was shipped overseas for service in World War II.

During the next year and one month the two grew to know each other

through the

mail. Each letter was a seed falling on a fertile heart. A romance was

budding. Blanchard requested a photograph, but she refused. She felt that

if he

really cared, it wouldn't matter what she looked like. When the day

finally

came for him to return from Europe, they scheduled their first meeting -

7:00

PM at the Grand Central Station in New York.

"You'll recognize me," she wrote, "by the red rose I'll be wearing on my

lapel."

So at 7:00 he was in the station looking for a girl whose heart he loved

but

whose face he'd never seen.

I'll let Mr. Blanchard tell you what happened:

A young woman was coming toward me, her figure long and slim. Her blonde

hair

lay back in curls from her delicate ears; her eyes were blue as flowers.

Her

lips and chin had a gentle firmness, and in her pale green suit she was

like

springtime come alive. I started toward her, entirely forgetting to

notice

that she was not wearing a rose. As I moved, a small, provocative smile

curved her lips. "Going my way, sailor?" she murmured.

Almost uncontrollably I made one step closer to her, and then I saw Hollis

Maynell. She was standing almost directly behind the girl. A woman well

past

40, she had graying hair tucked under a worn hat... She was more than

plump,

her thick-ankled feet thrust into low-heeled shoes. The girl in the green

suit was walking quickly away. I felt as though I was split in two, so

keen

was my desire to follow her, and yet so deep was my longing for the woman

whose spirit had truly companioned me and upheld my own. And there she

stood.

Her pale, plump face was gentle and sensible, her gray eyes had a warm and

kindly twinkle. I did not hesitate. My fingers gripped the small worn

blue leather copy of the book that was to identify me to her. This would not

be love, but it would be something precious, something perhaps even better

than love, a friendship for which I had been and must ever be grateful.

I squared my shoulders and saluted and held out the book to the woman,

Even though while I spoke I felt choked by the bitterness of my disappointment.

"I'm Lieutenant John Blanchard, and you must be Miss Maynell. I am so

glad you could meet me; may I take you to dinner?"

The woman's face broadened into a tolerant smile. "I don't know what

this is about, son," she answered, "but the young lady in the green suit who just

went by, she begged me to wear this rose on my coat. And she said if you were

to ask me out to dinner, I should go and tell you that she is waiting for

you in the big restaurant across the street. She said it was some kind of test!"

It's not difficult to understand and admire Miss Maynell's wisdom. The

True nature of a heart is seen in its response to the unattractive. "Tell me

Whom you love," Houssaye wrote, "And I will tell you who you are."

A Pastor friend sent this to me and I thought you all might enjoy it. Have

a great weekend!

Age 4...I've learned that you can't hide a piece of broccoli in a

glass of milk.

Age 6... I've learned that I like my teacher because she cries when we

sing "Silent Night".

Age 7... I've learned that when I wave to people in the country, they

stop what they are doing and wave back.

Age 9... I've learned that just when I get my room the way I like it,

Mom makes me clean it up.

Age 12... I've learned that if you want to cheer yourself up, you

should

try cheering someone else up.

Age 13... I've learned that although it's hard to admit it, I'm

secretly

glad my parents are strict with me.

Age 15... I've learned that silent company is often more healing than

words of advice.

Age 24... I've learned that brushing my child's hair is one of life's

great pleasures.

Age 25... I've learned that wherever I go, the world’s worst drivers

have followed me there.

Age 29... I've learned that if someone says something unkind about me,

I

must live so that no one will believe it.

Age 39... I've learned that there are people who love you dearly but

just don't know how to show it.

Age 41... I've learned that you can make someone's day by simply

sending

them a little card.

Age 44... I've learned that the greater a person's sense of guilt, the

greater his need to cast blame on others.

Age 45... I've learned that children and grandparents are natural

allies.

Age 46... I've learned that singing "Amazing Grace" can lift my spirits

for hours.

Age 49... I've learned that motel mattresses are better on the side

away

from the phone.

Age 50... I've learned that you can tell a lot about a man by the way

he

handles these 3 things: a rainy day, lost luggage, and tangled

Christmas

tree lights.

Age 52... I've learned that regardless of your relationship with your

parents, you miss them terribly after they die.

Age 53... I've learned that making a living is not the same thing as

making a life.

Age 58... I've learned that if you want to do something positive for

your children, try to improve your marriage.

Age 61... I've learned that life sometimes gives you a second chance.

Age 62... I've learned that you shouldn't go through life with a

catchers mitt on both hands. You need to be able to throw something

back.

Age 64... I've learned that if you pursue happiness, it will elude you.

But if you focus on your family, the needs of others, your work,

meeting

new people, and doing the very best you can, happiness will find you.

Age 65... I've learned that whenever I decide something with kindness,

I

usually make the right decision.

Age 66... I've learned that everyone can use a prayer.

Age 72... I've learned that it pays to believe in miracles. And to

tell

the truth, I've seen several.

Age 73... I've learned that even when I have pains, I don't have to be

one.

Age 82... I've learned that every day you should reach out and touch

someone. People love that human touch-holding hands, a warm hug, or

just a friendly pat on the back.

Age 85... I've learned that I still have a lot to learn.

Age 92... Please pass this on to someone you care about. Sometimes they

just need a little something to make them smile. :)

Old Pain Still Remains

Louis Stoneburg turns away when I say we ran into your wall He recalled the time when two young boys who had taken the care w/o permission and hit the high wall, careened into his back yard and killed his 5 year old son. How could they handle it? Mary Pat discovered that she was already pregnant with another child. She decided that I can not hurt this child with my grief. I believe God was looking out for me.

Providence, God in our lives. Pat O Neal was married to a PC min and he divorced her. She came to San Antonio to live with her daughter or near her. She got a job as an educational director. But came the the Main Even at FPC. Was pushing around in leaflets and announcements. She found the ad for the Director of Lay Ministry. Read, applied and said to me, “This is the job that I would have designed to myself.”

Charlie was concerned about his bad words. Played golf with the minister. His minister missed a shot and asked him what he said, “O, Louis!” So the rest of the day I heard Charlie saying, “O Louis”

Wonder. Reed Moore said, “Don’t walk up to the 7^th Tee. He came made me look down, led me onto the Tee, then said open your eyes. Wow, Roller Coaster, Park, down Town, etc. He said it is like in Titanic when a common guy fell in love with an elite maiden. Close eyes, led her to the bow of the boat, put arms around her and said look. 30 stories below the Ocean. “I can fly.”

I Am Pleased with You. The minister in the group said, “I can’t imagine God ever saying to me, I am pleased with you. It is the farthest thing from my mind. I have never felt it. (But you’d like to wouldn’t you.) After we had done the baptism passage contemplatively.

David Merriweather. He told me his story. Born in San Antonio. Bright. Full ride to Rice. Then Baylor. Went into the ministry but not sure how that should be. As a Southern Baptist he met a mentor. This man asked him to have dinner with him because you are the only person in the class who has smiled at me. Bachelor. Went out to dinner and in the course of dinner he told David that this was his birthday and he wanted to celebrate it with someone. Fast friends. This man recommended David go to Duke. Finished at Duke.

God a job with the state. Checked out on God because of the Theodicy Problem. John Claypool’s child died of brain disease. After 5 years. You have too many gifts to let yourself waste away here. Awakened him. Came to USA

Looking for someone with whom he cold talk. Met Renee and held her hand all evening. Then, began to send flowers and letters. Came at Christmas and they looked a diamonds in windows, moving rapidly, then when he asked her to marry him she said, but you have never said you love me. Look in the can. When they would seal cans with presents in them. He had put a note in it saying I Love You.

God Far Away Broken Heart Suppressed Emotion

Jane came for appointment to talk about her love for Jeff. She had been friends with him through the year that his wife had died. They had talked lots and had shared deeply. In the process her feelings for him grew and she was deeply attracted to him. When she asked him about his feelings for her, he said that he appreciated her as a friend but that he did not have romantic feelings for her. She was/is crushed by this and deeply hurt. What can she do.

I suggested that she is in a state of grief. Her grief must thaw out before she can imagine herself a positive future. She felt far from God. I told her this had nothing to do with her relation with God. Her broken heart has spilled over into her relation with God and muddied the waters.

Catholic Church Nancy Newman came to talk about her husband going to the Catholic Church. They were married 12 or 13 years without going to church. Children came along and they decided to take them to church. He came to the church for awhile until the children go old enough for training. He wanted them to be able to take the sacrament. She was wondering about becoming a Catholic.

Told me about her Fundamentalist influence. Neighbor took her to church, because her parents did not go. She and he came to FPC after they had marital conflict. He likes the preacher and enjoys church but he could never become a Presbyterian.

I told her about Holly joining the Catholic church.

*** Word of God Guidance Memory Jud Taylor made appointment with me in SA. He is a seeker. Told me about his son going to the Episcopal Church. They joined him there from the RC church.

For the first time he heard the scriptures read. He had gone to church before in the RC but had not heart the scripture read often and the sermons seemed more like declarations from the hierarchy.

While in the Epis. Church he attended an evangelism class because they said it would help him with his communication. He admitted that he was dogmatic and controlling in his relation with his wife, so he went. In this class they asked when was the first time you had any relation with Jesus. He said that a picture came to his mind of being 5 years old in ss class. He was coloring a picture and the light shown on it and he saw the face of Christ. Felt drawn to Him. In this classhe joined with othes and prayed aloud for the first time.

Action of God Jud(above) told me about how the Lord seemed to be talking with him. He has soaked up the talks like a sponge. He has been seriously in prayer with other persons in the church. One day he looked at the stained glass windows over the entrance to the church and broke into tears.

I said, “God seems to be dealing with you, messing around in your life, and you are seeking to listen. What more can you do?”

He said that people had asked him to share in the ministry outside the church but he was not sure. He is waiting for clear guidance.

Becoming Protestant from Catholic -- Barbara in S A came to talk with me about her struggle. Son Judson became Episco and they joined that church. She did everything around the church that they needed. It was the cleanest it had ever been. She visited, served, helped the priest and never felt that she had a clear sense of her faith.

Jud and Judson came to the FPC and she followed along. She went to a Bible study group and someone told her if she had a question about whether she was a Christian or not, she probably was not. This cast her into a very dark mood.

She came to every service that I conducted, she listened an participated but was still struggling. My response: Do you trust in Christ? Do you give your life to him. (Shoemaker statement) and she said yes. You have done all that you can do! Trust Christ to do what you cannot do.

Earlier I had said to her: “Don’t throw away all the things that you have learned in the Catholic Church -- much is very very good. And she seemed so relieved.

(Her sister had rejected her for joining the PCUSA and this was very painful to her with both parents dead.)

Providence of God God thing or a chance thing.

Peggy had been married to a lawyer who was quite successful but quite unscrupulous in some of his dealings. Had made lots of money through some shady deals. She did not approve of it.

Her life became increasingly empty even with money and success. She had told some friends of her plight and one of them had asked her a bible study and her interest in Christ was awakened.

Her experience of Christ threw her into a tizzy. If she became a Christian, how would she deal with her husband. Would he live with her? Could she be a Christian and live with him?

One day when she was walking, she saw ahead of her a magazine lying on the sidewalk. When she got never she picked it up and the very page it was opened, “I have promised to be with you. I will never leave you. You can do all things through my power in you.” She took that as a sign from Christ.

Then one day she was sitting in church and she saw the risen Christ in the stain glass window. It seemed to her that he came and sat with her. He put his arm around her and said, “I am with you.” She had the courage to give herself to him and to walk out in faith.

The painful divorce did come. He could not take it. But Christ is with her and she is following him faithfully. Grace has come.

Overcoming Fundamentalism. Nancy Nowac She and her husband have been married a dozen years. She has come from a fundamentalist background and has made an adjustment in the Pres. Church. He now wants the daughters to take training so they can have communion. She cannot take communion unless she receives instruction. She is in a quandry.

I urged her to go ahead with her husband, take the training, but take all the good things that she has learned into the RC Church.

John’s Wife and John – they both came to talk with me together. I have a hard time recalling what we talked about.

Calling. Jim Worth is thinking about publishing. Is God calling him to do a ministry in this manner.?? He gave me material and wants a reply for his work.

Standing Ovation from the 11:00 a.m. worship in San Antonio.

Vision or Miracle. A woman told me about having a dream about a very dear friend. The next day she got a call that this very man had died. She wonder about that.

Then she thought while she was standing at the kitchen sink that she had seen a man walk by who was a good friend. She called to ask if he were in town but the person who answered the phone said, H had died.

She was able to talk with her mother about this. Mother was afraid to die but when she told her these experience she felt that her mother had hope beyond this life. She asked me What do You Think about this? I think she has been waiting a long time to ask this qauestion to someone who would listen and take her seriously.

Pray for me the next 3 or 4 months. Louis Stumberg said to me and Nan as we left their house the last night we were in San Antonio. There was something about the way he said it that made me feel that it was from the doctor’s office the past week and the news was not too good. I will pray from him.

Guidance Grief Word from God After lunch. I went by the bookstore to talk with S. about stocking the new Lucy Book. She is up for this and I offered her an extra 40 to give to all the professors. She accepted the offer.

But then, I looked into her eyes. They had a strange tiredness about them and they were dark on her lids and hollow to look at.

“Your eyes look tired, Suanne. Are you okay?”

“They are tired, I’m tired,” and I knew there was more to come.

“This is the week a year ago that Dick died.”

I’m sorry.

“It has been so hard for me. He and I were so very close and life is not the same without him. I have been leaning on my two sons too much, forcing them to carry my burden and grief. I have begun to get some counseling to help me work through my grief as a way of taking some of the pressure off them.”

(I talked with her about the power of hope and the frozen imagination that will not and cannot picture a future until is thaws out some.)

After the conversation, I took her hand and said a prayer for her. You were there and I somehow feel that you sent me by to see her.

Magic Vision Faith Yesterday we took Christina shopping for her 5^th birthday. She is a precocious child, every grandparent believes that. While we were going to Toys R Us we were talking about a barbecue place that we had lunch with her father and mother. How do you get to Sonnys, Nan and I asked her. She though a minute and said, “I don’t know. I just close my eyes and in 15 minutes we will be there when I open them again.”

Images of God Transcendent In class Chris said that he thought of God as transcendent and immanent. It was illustrated for him in the childhood prayer over meals: God is great, God is good. The greatness of God led him to transcendence and the goodness of God bespoke God’s immanence as one near to him. I asked about the Transcendence and he told of standing on Mt. Sinai with Moses and hearing the thunder and seeing the flashing lightening. And, for God’s goodness he thought of an answer to prayer when he was breaking up a 2 year romance.

Michelle spoke of 3 stages of her evolutionary understanding of God. First was God the protector. She came to know this God early when her parents prayed over her ever day before she went to school and they told her that God would be with her. One day she asked her mother, “What does God look like?” And her mother responded, “Light.” (What a wonderful image for a child who did not have a material object but a powerful universalizing image to work with. God is everywhere and shining upon all peoples.)

Second, when she encountered many persons who were suffering, she wondered why God did not save them from their pain if he were the Protector and this image began to be eroded by the reality of life in this world. Out of this erosion came the Image of God as Presence. If God did not protect the suffering, He was present to them.

Third, she has come to see God in more inclusive terms. She attends an Episcopal Church in which inclusive language is used. She has dared to think of God as Mother who embraces and nurtures her.

When I asked her if the state of her life made a difference in which image of God she resorted to. Yes of course it does. Protector, Light, Presence, and Mother.

Others thinking about their Images of God in the class included the image of Sovereign, that no matter what, God was there and could be depended upon. Sara spoke of an experience with a Sr. minister who when she told her she was leaving went into a rage. (S. did not realize that she was depending ujpon her to be a confidant and support to her.) The minister became hostile, spread lies about Sara, turned the church against her and was very destructive. She wanted to walk out of the church and never go back. Then as she prayed about the issue, she found grace to accept the evil done to her and to forgive the woman for her vindictiveness.

Another image came from Jenny who thought of God as Faithfulness – this was illustrated to her by holding her first grandson in her arms for hours because they did not want him to go to the nursery in the hospital.

Boomer, New Convert, Control of your life After David Berry's installation we went over to his house. Paul and Bob came from Ft. Myers to the house after the service. Paul sat down and I began to talk with him. He was quick to tell me that he had been a xian for 2 years and was hungry for the faith. He said, “I have a lot of catching up to do!”

I’d be interested in hearing your story about this change. One day a man came into his furniture place, a business that also does decorations. He asked him to come over to his house and take some measurements and make some suggestions for change. He said that he could come in a week or two.

About that time he said to Steve, the man who came into the store, “I am having a hard time; I’m in conflict with my girl friend.”

“I wish I had that problem.” L

What do you mean?

My wife was killed in an accident two years ago and my oldest son.

Paul’s heart went out to him. I’ll be at your house at 8:00 a.m. tomorrow.

He went to the house, did the measures, and then they got into a conversation about the Lord until lunch. Paul said, he had my attention. I couldn’t leave. Over the next few months Steve keep talking with Paul and Paul kept seeking answers. He felt that he had to be sure and that there was no turning back once he got started. The Spirit was awakening little by little over a 3 or 4 month period Paul.

One day he and Steve went out to lunch. Over lunch Steve said, If Jesus is in the car with you where is he? Back seat, front seat, driver, in the trunk?

Paul: I know that he is in the car with me but he definitely is not at the steering wheel. He is a passenger with my doing the driving.

The metaphor haunted Paul. He got into one of those life and death struggles. In that struggle he cried out to the Lord. Take over my whole life. I give it all to you. And in answer to that prayer a new life filled his consciousness – old things has passed away, all things have become new. He is a new man.

He has been a bible study program. He meets with promise keepers.

He said to me, “I am a different person. I have the hope of eternal life and I am settled in how I will live Mk life.”

Gift of Healing – Surprise. Cindy from Chicago was here last week for the Spty and Personality course. She has told me in the past about the graced of God coming to her in unexpected ways. And now the gift of healing.

In a manner that is off-handed and far from off-putting, she describes how this gift of healing came. She began to experience heat in her hands. She felt it and those for whom she prayed also felt it.

She told me of two experiences in which she “did a healing” for someone. First, there was a good friend of theirs who was told that he had a malignant brain tumor. He was shaken to the core and came to tell her and husband about the diagnosis. She asked if she could pray for him. As she began to pray she held one hand outside the energy field of his body and during the prayer she had a vision of a ray of light beaming through her handand entering the back of his skull, in the place the tumor had been located. When they operated on him to remove the tumor all they found was a matted place of blood vessels on his brain.

Needless to say, the man’s skepticism has run onto hard times.

Next, she prayed for her husband who had blockage in his aorta. Since her conversion most of the folk in her family fear that she has gone off the deep end, so she is low key with her family in every way. Her husband was diagnosed with a clogged aorta and the surgeon had prepared him for and angioplasty or angiogram to determine the extent of the clogging. She held her hands over him, put them on his chest, prayed for him and when the angiogram was taken, he was free of all blockage.

An Angel for Me

February 21 I was rushing to the seminary to make an appointment. I thought I’d call ahead to give Nan a report on my arrival. While looking at the cell phone I scrubbed a curb, split a tire, and warped a rim ($323 rim). Obviously, I missed the appointment.

I pulled into a side street with a number of cluster homes in the cul-de-sac. I was trying to figure out where the jack was, none was visible. Then I read the directions on the back of the spare tire cover. Sure enough it was there in the side of the trunk.

I got it out but it seemed pretty complicated – how to put it on the car, getting the car in park with the brake on, getting the lugs off.

Then quite suddenly an utility vehicle pulled in the drive, turned around in the cul de sac and a guy of about 30 got out and came over to me. He said, “You are all dressed for work and you don’t need to be doing this. Let me help you.” I easily agreed.

We talked about how the tools worked and how far up the car needed to b e – several decisions had to be made and he said, “Two heads are better than one.” After we got the tire changed from the big tire to the donut, he told me about going to south Georgia to help flood victims and that he was thinking of going to Florida to help clean up after the tornadoes. I called to him, “You remind me of a Christian man.”

When I told Nan about the incident, I concluded with the statement, “And you think that I don’t believe in angels?”

PCUSA in the year 2020 If you should extend the present trends into the 21^st century by the year 2020 the Presbyterian Church will ….

have fewer churches (about 8000)

have a few mega-churches

be old with average age about 60

have about 1 ¬Ω million members

have 2 less seminaries

look to the seminaries to provide guidance, training and resources for the congregations

have eliminated all the synod structures

have pared down the General Assembly with a meeting every 3 to 5 years

become a multi-cultural church with an inclusive spirituality

Theme for Conference 2,000 Acts 2:12 “What does this mean?” The meaning of Pentecost. Surprised by the Spirit! This is exactly what the early church ex12 “What does this mean?” The meaning of Pentecost. Surprised by the Spirit! This is exactly what the early church experienced. The disciples were surprised by the return of the Risen and Living Lord. Can we no expect the encounter Pentecost.??

Information Please!

>When I was quite young, my father had one of the first telephones in

>our neighborhood. I remember well the polished old case fastened to

>the wall. The shiny receiver hung on the side of the box. I was too

>little to reach the telephone, but used to listen with fascination

>when my mother used to talk to it.

>

>Then I discovered that somewhere inside the wonderful device lived an

>amazing person - her name was Information Please and there was nothing

>she did not know. Information Please could supply anybody's number and

>the correct time.

>

>My first personal experience with this genie-in-the-bottle came one

>day while my mother was visiting a neighbor. Amusing myself at the

>tool bench in the basement, I whacked my finger with a hammer. The

>pain was terrible, but there didn't seem to be any reason in crying

>because there was no one home to give sympathy. I walked around the

>house sucking my throbbing finger, finally arriving at the stairway

>-

>The telephone! Quickly I ran for the footstool in the parlor and

>dragged it to the landing. Climbing up I unhooked the receiver in the

>parlor and held it to my ear. Information Please I said into the

>mouthpiece just above my head.

>

>A click or two and a small clear voice spoke into my ear.

>"Information."

>

>"I hurt my finger. . ." I wailed into the phone. The tears came

>readily enough now that I had an audience.

>

>"Isn't your mother home?" came the question.

>

>"Nobody's home but me." I blubbered.

>

>"Are you bleeding?"

>

>"No," I replied. "I hit my finger with the hammer and it hurts."

>

>"Can you open your icebox?" she asked. I said I could. "Then chip off

>a little piece of ice and hold it to your finger."

>

>After that I called Information Please for everything. I asked her for

>help with my geography and she told me where Philadelphia was. She

>helped me with my math, and she told me my pet chipmunk I had caught in

>the park just the day before would eat fruits and nuts.

>

>And there was the time that Petey, our pet canary died. I called

>Information Please and told her the sad story. She listened, then said

>the usual things grown-ups say to soothe a child. But I was

>unconsoled. Why is it that birds should sing so beautifully and bring

>joy to all families, only to end up as a heap of feathers, feet up on

>the bottom of a cage?

>

>She must have sensed my deep concern, for she said quietly,

>"Paul, always remember that there are other worlds to sing in." Somehow

>I

>felt better.

>

>Another day I was on the telephone. "Information Please."

>

>"Information," said the now familiar voice.

>

>"How do you spell fix?" I asked.

>

>All this took place in a small town in the pacific Northwest. Then

>when I was 9 years old, we moved across the country to Boston. I

>missed my friend very much. Information Please belonged in that old

>wooden box back home, and I somehow never thought of trying the tall,

>shiny new phone that sat on the hall table.

>

>Yet as I grew into my teens, the memories of those childhood

>conversations never really left me; often in moments of doubt and

>perplexity I would recall the serene sense of security I had then. I

>appreciated now how patient, understanding, and kind she was to have

>spent her time on a little boy.

>

>A few years later, on my way west to college, my plane put down in

>Seattle. I had about half an hour or so between plane, and I spent 15

>minutes or so on the phone with my sister, who lived there now. Then

>without thinking what I was doing, I dialed my hometown operator and

>said, "Information Please".

>

>Miraculously, I heard again the small, clear voice I knew so well,

>"Information." I hadn't planned this but I heard myself saying, "Could

>you tell me please how-to spell fix?"

>

>There was a long pause. Then came the soft spoken answer, "I guess

>that your finger must have healed by now."

>

>I laughed, "So it's really still you," I said. "I wonder if you have

>any idea how much you meant to me during that time."

>

>"I wonder, she said, if you know how much your calls meant to me. I

>never had any children, and I used to look forward to your calls."

>

>I told her how often I had thought of her over the years and I asked

>if I could call her again when I came back to visit my sister.

>

>"Please do, just ask for Sally."

>

>Just three months later I was back in Seattle. . .A different voice

>answered Information and I asked for Sally.

>

>"Are you a friend?"

>

>"Yes, a very old friend."

>

>"Then I'm sorry to have to tell you. Sally has been working part-time

>the last few years because she was sick. She died five weeks ago."

>But before I could hang up she said, "Wait a minute. Did you say your

>name was Paul?"

>

>"Yes."

>

>"Well, Sally left a message for you. She wrote it down. Here it is

>I'll read it ' Tell him I still say there are other worlds to sing in.

>He'll know what I mean.' "

>

>I thanked her and hung up. I did know what Sally meant.

Jean Thompson stood in front of her fifth-grade class on the very first day of school in the fall and told the children a lie. Like most teachers, she looked at her pupils and said that she loved them all the same, that she would treat them all alike. And that was impossible because there in front of her, slumped in his seat on the third row, was a little black boy named Teddy Stoddard.

Mrs. Thompson had watched Teddy the year before and noticed he didn't play well with the other children, that his clothes were unkempt and that he constantly needed a bath. And Teddy was unpleasant. It got to the point during the first few months that she would actually take delight in marking his papers with a broad red pen, making bold X's and then marking the F at the top of the paper biggest of all.

Because Teddy was a sullen little boy, no one else seemed to enjoy him, either.

At the school where Mrs. Thompson taught, she was required to review each child's records and put Teddy's off until last. When she opened his file, she was in for a surprise.

His first-grade teacher wrote, "Teddy is a bright, inquisitive

child with a ready laugh. He does his work neatly and has good manners...he

is a joy to be around."

His second-grade teacher wrote, "Teddy is an excellent student well-liked by

his classmates, but he is troubled because his mother has a terminal illness

and life at home must be a struggle."

His third-grade teacher wrote, "Teddy continues to work hard but his mother's

death has been hard on him. He tries to do his best but his father doesn't

show much interest and his home life will soon affect him if some steps aren't taken."

Teddy's fourth-grade teacher wrote, "Teddy is withdrawn and doesn't show much interest in school. He doesn't have many friends and sometimes sleeps in class. He is tardy and could become a problem."

By now Mrs. Thompson realized the problem but Christmas was coming fast. It

was all she could do, with the school play and all, until the day before the holidays began and she was suddenly forced to focus on Teddy Stoddard.

Her children brought her presents, all in beautiful ribbon and bright paper, except for Teddy's, which was clumsily wrapped in the heavy, brown paper of a scissored grocery bag.

Mrs. Thompson took pains to open it in the middle of the other presents. Some of the children started to laugh when she found a rhinestone bracelet with some of the stones missing, and a bottle that was one-quarter full of cologne. She stifled the children's laughter when she exclaimed how pretty the bracelet was, putting it on, and dabbing some of the perfume behind the other wrist.

Teddy Stoddard stayed behind just long enough to say, "Mrs. Thompson, today

you smelled just like my mom used to." After the children left she cried for at least an hour.

On that very day, she quit teaching reading, and writing, and speaking. Instead, she began to teach children.

Jean Thompson paid particular attention to one they all called "Teddy." As she worked with him, his mind seemed to come alive. The more she encouraged him, the faster he responded. On days there would be an important test, Mrs. Thompson would remember that cologne. By the end of the year he had become one of the smartest children in the class and...well, he had also become the "pet" of the teacher who had once vowed to love all of her children exactly the same.

A year later she found a note under her door, from Teddy, telling her that of

all the teachers he'd had in elementary school, she was his favorite.

Six years went by before she got another note from Teddy. He then wrote that he had finished high school, third in his class, and she was still his favorite teacher of all time.

Four years after that, she got another letter, saying that while things had been tough at times, he'd stayed in school, had stuck with it, and would graduate from college with the highest of honors. He assured Mrs. Thompson she was still his favorite teacher.

Then four more years passed and yet another letter came. This time he explained that after he got his bachelor's degree, he decided to go a little further. The letter explained that she was still his favorite teacher but that now his name was a little longer. The letter was signed,Theodore F. Stoddard, M.D.

The story doesn't end there. You see, there was yet another letter that Spring. Teddy said he'd met this girl and was to be married. He explained that his father had died a couple of years ago and he was wondering...well, if Mrs. Thompson might agree to sit in the pew usually reserved for the mother of the groom. And guess what, she wore that bracelet, the one with several rhinestones missing. And I bet on that special day, Jean Thompson smelled just like... well, just like the way Teddy remembered his mother smelling on their last Christmas together.

THE MORAL: You never can tell what type of impact you may make on

another's life by your actions or lack of action. Consider this fact in your venture thru life.

Lenten Fasting and Feasting

>Lent should be more than a time for

>fasting. It should also be a joyous season of feasting.

>Lent is a time to fast from certain

>things and to feast on others. It is a season in which we should:

>

> Fast from judging others....... Feast on the Christ dwelling in them,

> Fast from apparent darkness......Feast on the reality of light,

> Fast from ill thoughts...............Feast on the healing power of God,

> Fast from words that pollute.... Feast on phrases that purify,

> Fast from discontent................Feast on gratitude,

> Fast from anger........................Feast on patience,

> Fast from pessimism...............Feast on optimism,

> Fast from worry.......................Feast on Divine Order,

> Fast from complaining.............Feast on appreciation,

> Fast from negatives...................Feast on affirmation

> Fast from pressure...................Feast on unceasing prayer,

> Fast from hostility...................Feast on nonresistance,

> Fast from bitterness................Feast on forgiveness

> Fast from self-concern............Feast on compassion for others,

> Fast from personal anxiety.........Feast on Eternal Truth,

> Fast from discouragement...........Feast on hope,

> Fast from facts that depress.........Feast on truths that uplift,

> Fast from lethargy.......................Feast on enthusiasm,

> Fast from suspicion....................Feast on truth,

> Fast from shadows of sorrow......Feast sunlight of serenity,

> Fast from idle gossip................Feast on purposeful silence.

>

LEARNINGS

> IF I HAVE LEARNED ANYTHING......

>

> I've learned that you can get by on charm for about 15 minutes. After

> that, you'd better know something.

>

> I've learned that you shouldn't compare yourself to the best others can

> do,but to the best you can do.

>

> I've learned that it's not what happens to people that's important.

> It's what they do about it.

>

> I've learned that you can do something in an instant that will give you

> a heartache for life.

>

> I've learned that no matter how thin you slice it, there are always two

> sides.

>

> I've learned that regardless of your relationship with your parents,

> you miss them terribly after they die.

>

> I've learned that it's taking me a long time to become the person I

> want to be.

>

> I've learned that it's alot easier to react than it is to think.

>

> I've learned that you should always leave loved ones with loving words.

> It may be the last time you see them.

>

> I've learned that you can keep going long after you think you can't.

>

> I've learned that we are responsible for what we do, no matter how we

> feel.

>

> I've learned that either you control your attitude or it controls you.

>

> I've learned that regardless of how hot and steamy a relationship is at

> first, the passion fades and there had better be something else to take

> its place.

>

> I've learned that heroes are the people who do what has to be done when

> it needs to be done, regardless of the consequences.

>

> I've learned that when the light turns green, you had better look both

> ways before proceeding.

>

> I've learned that you can love someone and still not like him very

> much.

>

> I've learned that there are people who love you dearly, but just don't

> know how to show it.

>

> I've learned that my best friend and I can do anything or nothing and

> have the best time.

>

> I've learned that sometimes the people you expect to kick you when

> you're down will be the ones to help you get back up.

>

> I've learned that good quality underwear is worth the extra cost.

>

> I've learned that I'm getting more and more like my mom, and I'm kinda

> happy about it.

>

> I've learned that sometimes when I'm angry I have the right to be

> angry, but that doesn't give me the right to be cruel.

>

> I've learned that true friendship continues to grow, even over the

> longest distance.

>

> I've learned that just because someone doesn't love you the way you

> want them to doesn't mean they don't love you with all they have.

>

> I've learned that no matter how much I care, some people just don't

> care back.

>

> I've learned that you should never tell a child his dreams are unlikely

> or outlandish. Few things are more humiliating, and what a tragedy it

> would be if he believed it.

>

> I've learned that your family won't always be there for you. It may

> seem funny, but people you aren't related to can take care of you and

> love you and teach you to trust people again. Families aren't

> biological.

>

> I've learned that no matter how good a friend someone is, they're going

> to hurt you every once in a while and you must forgive them for that.

>

> I've learned that I wish I could have told my parents that I love them

> one more time before they died.

>

> I've learned that it isn't always enough to be forgiven by others.

> Sometimes you have to learn to forgive yourself.

>

> I've learned that no matter how bad your heart is broken, the world

> doesn't stop for your grief.

>

> I've learned that our background and circumstances may have influenced

> who we are, but we are responsible for who we become.

>

> I've learned that sometimes when my friends fight, I'm forced to choose

> sides even when I don't want to.

>

> I've learned that just because two people argue, it doesn't mean they

> don't love each other.

>

> I've learned that sometimes you have to put the individual ahead of

> their actions.

>

> I've learned that it takes years to build up trust, and only seconds to

> destroy it.

>

> I've learned that we don't have to change friends if we understand that

> friends change.

>

> I've learned that if you don't want to forget something, stick it in

> your underwear drawer.

>

> I've learned that you shouldn't be so eager to find out a secret. It

> could change your life forever.

>

> I've learned that it's no fun putting on a wet swimsuit.

>

> I've learned that it's not what you have in your life but whom you have

> in your life that counts.

>

> I've learned that two people can look at the exact same thing and see

> something totally different.

>

> I've learned that peeing in the woods with a couple of friends can be

> an amazing bonding experience.

>

> I've learned that a good friend is better than a therapist.

>

> I've learned that sandwiches cut diagonally taste better.

>

> I've learned that you cannot make someone love you. All you can do is

> be someone who can be loved. The rest is up to them.

>

> I've learned that it's hard to determine where to draw the line between

> being nice and not hurting people's feelings and standing up for what

> you believe.

>

>

Effort at Suicide, Providence,

>In France, Jacques LeFevrier left nothing to chance when he decided to commit

>suicide. He stood at the top of a tall cliff and tied a noose around his

>neck. He tied the other end of the rope to a large rock. He drank some

>poison and set fire to his clothes. He even tried to shoot himself at the

>last moment. He jumped and fired the pistol. The bullet missed him completely

>and cut through the rope above him. Free of the threat of hanging, he plunged

>into the sea. The sudden dunking extinguished the flames and made him vomit

>the poison. He was dragged out of the water by a kind fisherman and was

>taken to hospital, where he died ... of hypothermia.

>

HOW MANY CHRISTIANS? One changing a Light Bulb

>> >

>> >1. How many Charismatics does it take to change a light bulb?

>> >One to change the bulb and nine to pray against the spirit of darkness.

>> >

>> >2. How many Calvinists does it take to change a light bulb?

>> >None. God has predestined when the light will be on. Calvinists do not

>> >change light bulbs. They simply read the instructions and pray the

>> >light bulb will be one that has been chosen to be changed.

>> >

>> > 3. How many Baptists does it take to change a light bulb?

>> >Change???

>> >

>> > 4. How many neo-orthodox does it take to change a bulb?

>> >No one knows. They can't tell the difference between light and

>> >darkness.

>> >

>> > 5. How many TV evangelists does it take to change a light bulb?

>> >One. But for the message of light to continue, send in your donation

>> >today.

>> >

>> >6. How many independent fundamentalists does it take to change a light?

>> >Bulb?

>> >Only one, because any more might result in too much cooperation.

>> >

>> >7. How many liberals does it take to change a light bulb?

>> >At least ten, as they need to hold a debate on whether or not the light

>> >bulb exists. Even if they can agree upon the existence of the light

>> >bulb, they still might not change it, to keep from alienating those who

>> >might use other forms of light.

>> >

>> >8. How many Catholics does it take to change a light bulb?

>> >None. They always use candles.

>> >

>> >9. How many worship leaders who use guitars does it take to change a

>> >light bulb?

>> >One. But soon all those around can warm up to its glowing.

>> >

>> >10. How many members of an established Bible teaching church that is

>> >over 20 years old does it take to change a light bulb?

>> >One to actually change the bulb, and nine to say how much they liked the

>> >old one.

>> >

>> >11. How many United Methodists does it take to change a light bulb?

>> >This statement was issued: "We choose not to make a statement either in

>> >favor of or against the need for a light bulb. However, if in your own

>> >journey you have found that a light bulb works for you, that is fine.

>> >You are invited to write a poem or compose a modern dance about your

>> >personal relationship with your light bulb (or light source, or non-dark

>> >resource), and present it next month at our annual light bulb Sunday

>> >service, in which we will explore a number of light bulb traditions,

>> >including incandescent, fluorescent, three-way, long-life, and

>> >tinted--all of which are equally valid paths to luminescence. "

>> >

>> >12. How many Amish does it take to change a light bulb?

>> > "What's a light bulb?"

>> >

>> >13. How many youth pastors does it take to change a light bulb?

>> >Youth pastors aren't around long enough for a light bulb to burn out.

>> >

>> >14. How many Southern Baptists does it take to change a light bulb?

>> >109.

>> >

>> >Seven on the Light Bulb Task Force Sub-committee, who report to the 12

>> >on the Light Bulb Task Force, appointed by the 15 on the Trustee Board.

>> >Their recommendation is reviewed by the Finance Executive Committee of

>> >5, who place it on the agenda of the 18 member Finance Committee. If

>> >they approve, they bring a motion to the 27 Member church Board, who

>> >appoint another 12 member review committee.

>> >

>> >If they recommend that the Church Board proceed, a resolution is brought

>> >to the Congregational Business Meeting. They appoint another 8 member

>> >review committee. If their report to the next

>> >Congregational Business Meeting supports the changing of a light bulb,

>> >and the Congregation votes in favor, the responsibility to carry out the

>> >light bulb change is passed on to the Trustee Board, who in turn

>> >appoints a 7-member committee to find the best price in new light bulbs.

>> >

>> >Their recommendation of which hardware is the best buy must then be

>> >reviewed by the 23 member Ethics Committee to make certain that this

>> >hardware store has no connection to Disneyland. They report back to the

>> >Trustee Board who then commissions the Trustee in charge of the Janitor

>> >to ask him to make the change.

>> >

>> >By then the janitor discovers that one more light bulb has burned out!

Daughter's Confession Sorry to Parents

I just want you to know after going through my 1^st day of real school this week, I realize the mess I have made, and I am very disappointed in myself. I promise I will try harder, and although a promise from me may not mean much at this point, I really am going to try. I'm very sorry and this will never happen again. I think, in the end, my getting caught will be good for me because I am taking responsibility for my mistakes, and acting as the adult I want to be treated like. I am so sorry, and I am trying. Love you both Catherine.

`Restructuring the Church. I like what Blair Anderson has done in the church in Minneapolis. Lord of Life Lutheran. He has been minister for 11 years and in that time grown from 500 to 2500 members. Began to see the old way of doing things was not working and decided on a new route. Rewrote the charter of the church and diminished the number of board from 15 to 8. Dissolved all the committees. Hired staff to run ministries. Each gathered those who were called to the task to join them. Gets funding for new ministeries – children, youth etc.

The 8 officers have 5 tasks:

1. Hold the minister and itself accountable

2. Offer spiritual discernment

3. Oversee the long range plan

4. Manage the finances

5. Decide the Church policies.

5 commitments from officers

1. Worship regularly

2. Read scripture

3. Tithe

4. Grow spiritually

5. Reproduce as a Christian

Bob Barden Preacher Painful Failure

I knew that bob had been unfaithful to his wife. I knew he resigned in Scotland and came back to North Carolina. But that is about all I knew.

I called him. I said, Can I do anything for you, my brother."

With that he began to rehearse the whole story. Strange a person who has failed feels that he owes everyone an explanation.

It began when this couple joined the church. He visited them and they kept coming. Hungry for affection and recognition he drank in her affirmations. Went to visit, the husband was not home, he was invited to supper and stayed.

She said I want to be part of the Stephen's ministry and she had the gifts of counseling, being present, serving. Then she added, I want to be part of the group because you are teaching it.

He said, I have to go. Karen and I are so glad that both of you are coming to the church. But the word had caught him in the Dick. Later he called her and said that he would like to be with her too.

When you have a fire burning in two stoves they can find a way to get together. And it was so. It lasted for a good many months and the weight of living a lie got heavier and heavier. Finally, the preacher decided to take a church in Scotland to rear his children in a different climate. (All to escape the hell of his situation.)

He came back to marry the woman with whomhe had had an affair for 3 years. He got with her. He then decided I cannot do this. He told her and his wife who by now would not talk with him.

His wife returned from Scotland and began to write to him and he to her. Now they are meeting, seeing a counselor, and seeking reconciliation. He has a job with Pfizer selling drugs and he has no background and training for it. Man said, I feel something inside me that says you are the right person.

He said, I have come clean with God. I have never in all my life been so near to hell.

Book – The Web of Life by Capra. Recommended to me by Loren Mead.

Life Purpose Meaning Life is not a problem to be solved but a journey to be taking, and adverture to experience and a pathway to follow.

HELP TO THE INDIANS John Perkins was a worker in Ecuador for 33 years. Went there as a peace worker, learned the language and the culture and the spiritual depth of the people. Once he asked the Indians with you he was working: "What can I do to help you?"

They responded, "You can help your people (USA) to change their dreams!"

Christ dances with the sun and moon

He is the Light that is in everyone

He is the turning of the tide

He is the hope that is deep inside.

Together and Distance. Someone spoke of the burning of logs. "It is the space between the logs that keeps them burning. If they are too close, there can be no oxygen, too far apart, they can't conserve the heat. Space between the logs keeps the fire burning."

35 MM Vision. Cam's talk at the installation. He spoke of different kinds of vision. A way for a Camera to become a paradigm or model of the changed situation:

Wide-angle vision – ethnic diversity

Long range vision – Christendom is disappearing

Immediate vision – Close up with no sense of the landscape (hungry hearts with

no vision of the church)

What do these lenses add? Corrected vision for one perception. Not perfect but different for others. (Cam may have this ms and I could read it and get clearer.)

JESUS SAVES

Here's a little humor for everyone! Hope everyone is doing well!

-Chris

_______________________________________________________

Between moments of dispensing wisdom, it seems that historical religious leaders had also learned software programming. One day, a great contest was held to test their skills.

After days and days of fierce competition, only two leaders remained for the

last day's event: Jesus and Mohammed.

The judge described the software application required for the final test, and

gave the signal to start writing code.

The two contestants feverishly typed away on their keyboards. Routines, classes, applets and applications flew by on their screens at incredible speeds. Windows, dialogs, and other intricate graphics began forming on their monitors.

The clock showed that the contest would soon be finished.

Suddenly, a bolt of lightening flashed and the power went out. After a moment it came back on-just in time for the clock to announce that the last competition was over.

The judge asked the two contestants to reveal their finished software. Mohammed angrily said that he'd lost it all in the power outage.

The judge turned to the other competitor.

Jesus smiled, clicked a mouse and a dazzling application appeared on his screen. After just a few moments, the judge was clearly impressed and declared Jesus the victor.

When asked why the decision was made, the judge pointed out the unique characteristic that set the winner apart from all the other leaders:

:

:Jesus saves.

The new age Robert Shaw

(Read by Robert Shaw before conducting Bach's Mass in B Minor.)

"It is reasonable, it seems to me, to question the propriety of performing a work of music so specifically and exhaustively theological in text in so secular a setting, before an audience ranging in religious preference from the totally contrary to the totally committed, and ranging philosophically from welcome through indifference to distrust.

"Certainly the masses of Haydn, Mozart and Beethoven, with their four to six movements, are almost symphonic in nature and more appropriate to this hall.

"Somehow, however, the fact that extra seats have had to be added for these performances attests to the unique position that Bach's Mass in B Minor holds in the minds and hearts of men and women of all faiths –and no faith at all—except perhaps the oneness of humankind with the universe, and the responsibility of human life to seek beauty and to do good.

"It may well be true that Bach's Mass in B Minor – assembled, no less than created --- has become, some 250 years after he bound its 26 movements together, the most remarkable musical allegory of human existence – its pain, aspiration and promises.

"Someone said this week that every time he approaches this work, he is conscious of the fact that someone in the audience is hearing it for the first time, and someone is hearing it for the last time.

"I assure you that there are those of us on this side of the proscenium who also face these possibilities." (Robert Shaw)

Spiritual formation. Spiritual formation is the naming of the many intrusions of the Sacred into our lives and the transformation that emerges in who we are and how we live our lives.

"This transformation comes to us, often unintended, and grasps us at the center of our being. It then leads us into community with others who share the awareness.

When we are "aware" everything in our lives becomes positively and affected and much occurs below the level of consciousness.0

Dialogue with my Inner Family (immersion week Daytona Beach)

I placed before me the powerful committee of persons who have been my mentors and saints. Jim Sells, Burney Overton, Carlo Carretto, Jessie O Van Meter, Walter Brueggemann & Father Gus. I chose to write a dialogue with Bro Carlo.

"What is your will for my future?"

Ben. Brother Carlo, what should I do with the next 5 years of my life?

Carlo. I do not give final answers. You know it is the will of Christ that is important – nothing else matters.

Ben. Yes. I believe that my time of work is much shorter now and I cannot waste any of my life.

Carlo Nothing is wasted, ever. Even a poor decision will not be lost. Be courages in your deciding.

Ben. I am afraid of leaving the Seminary like you feared leaving the desert. I can't ever go back once I leave.

Carlo. Yes, I know that feeling for I always knew that one day the call would come for me to leave the silence of the desert and return to immerse myself in the noise of men. It did come. I knew when the call came and there was nothing for me to do but to go.

Ben. Does this mean that I will know—know when I am called away from Columbia?

Carlo. You knew when you were called to this place, didn't you?

Ben. Yes, assurredly.

Carlo. Then you will know when you are called to a new place.

Ben. Why am I anxious and questioning?

Carlo. In part your questions about the future are a prelude to the call. A certain restlessness of Spirit preceeds a new revelation of the will of God. Don't you recall when you went to the monastery to seek God's will and you were told, "You are a servant of the Lord in waiting" Your wondering is part of the soosening.

Ben. Is the call which came out of the blue from LCPC a voice of God?

Carlo. Hold it before you as you have begun to do. It will reveal itself to you!"

Ben, my son, do not be anxious, the rest of your life is a call more deeply into the Father's presence. As you go forward you will need less and less structure, you will know the Voice of God in all things. You will feel the guidance and assurance of the Spirit in each step of the journey.

Ben. Thanks.

Easlen Institute. (Notes from Living Before God)

As I think back upon ways that God has spoken to me pictures of a week at Esalen Institute, a humanistic center in Big Sur, California come to my mind. I had gone there to do research for beginning new forms of continuing education, a kind of floating university for laity.

Upon arriving at Esalen, it occurred to me that these were not Christian people but, if anything, closer to Zen Buddhists. After a few days of sitting in the circle observing the leader I began to be more comfortable with my environment. The week was dedicated to an experiential learning of gestalt therapy. Gestalt therapy was performed in a group of about twenty persons. The leader Richard Price (one of the founders of Easlen) sat in the middle of the circle and asked whether anyone felt they had something to work on. For a time of thirty to sixty minutes he would guide people in identifying the issue and engaging in dialogue with it. Alternately, the person would be him or herself and then the issue. If, for example, it was a marital issue, the person working would sit on one cushion being himself and then sit on a cushion opposite him and become his wife. In this psycho-drama the person working would play out the drama going on within himself. Words cannot describe the powerful impact the narration of this internal drama had on the person working nor on those persons merely sitting in the circle watching the dialogue unfold. It was healing and transformative and never failed to hook some unresolved issue in each observer.

One night during this gestalt week I had a waking vision, as the leaders called it. In this vision I saw myself in a bag of water, without limbs, sitting on the back of a boat, moving away from the shore. Apparently, Richard Price understood the symbolism of the vision and guided me skillfully in a dialogue with the water bag, the shore, and helplessness. I am not sure now how it all occurred but I found myself struggling through his legs, as if they constituted a womb and I was engaging in my own birth. When I finished the experience I felt in touch with myself in a way that I had never experienced in one to one therapy. My flesh felt different, soft like the skin of a newborn child. Inside I had been relieved of a load of guilt and shame I had carried for years. In an indescribable way I had been set free. The woman who shared in the leadership of the session said to me, "You have been born again."

As a consequence of this gift of grace through persons not professing Christ, I felt most deeply that I had come home to myself. My commitment to Christ, my love for him, and the desire to do his will had led me in developing a picture of the world, ways of relating to Christ, and the goals of ministry. These perspectives became alienating to me; they separated me from the person I was created to be. My experiences at Esalen cut through these images and practices. I think nothing is more healing and integrative than "coming home to yourself."
Although this transformative week took place years ago, I still look on it as the most important experience of my life next to my conversion to Jesus Christ. I had not doubt then and I have no doubt today that the Spirit of God worked through these non-professing Christians to do a gracious work of the Spirit in my deeper levels of consciousness. The key to the movement of the Spirit seemed to be the inner dialogue I had with different parts of myself. My experience of dialogue had a different form compared with Frank Laubach but it was indeed an instrument of God in healing and transformation.

Wonder Nan was planning supper for two young people Ryan and Andria and as she was going over what she intended to have – pork potatoes etc. I had a picture of red strawberries in my mind. When she came home from the store she said, "I got strawberries and ice cream because I knew you could have that." What was going on that she had the same thought in her mind that I had in mine. A slight amazement to me.

Then I asked her, "Do you always know what images I have in my mind?" No, she said. Thank goodness. Then I asked her what am I thinking about right now? She said, "The same old thing." Right how did you know?

Conflict between Our Inner and Outer Worlds. Jack Swann is pastor of large church in Florida. He wrote in his book review these words.

"The very thought of looking into my history terrifies me." And, yet, I have found that identifying the signposts of my life did give a sense of journeying, of progression. I also recalled the most significant signpost of my journey, the owning of the gap between my inner and outer self, and I realized again the power of that period in my life. The symbol is a light bulb, an intellectual perception about a piece of the core of my being. As I reflected on this period, I realized two things:

1. God has helped / is helping me to close the gap between my inner and outer self.;

2. God has used/ is using the wounds of my life, created by the tension in a good way (i.e. sensitivity to others, the desire to please, the fear of conflict). Inner healing and outer helping are both gifts from God

David Bowen, Seeking Spiritual Guidance I don't recall the full contents of the e-mail but David wrote to me about an appointment. We set a date and he showed up at the office. He was a big guy – 6 \' 4" or more and we went to lunch at Our Way Café. He told me on the way that he was a friend of Mariann and Lou Williams and that he and Wayne had been friends for a long time.

I asked him what he hoped seeing me might mean or what he wanted from me. He said that he was trying to discern his life, get the direction for the next few years.

He ten proceeded to tell me about himself. He was married in seminary and did all in his power to keep the marriage together but it eventually faded. In his recovery he stayed with Mary Ann and Lou for a few weeks and let them love him and help him. He had a daughter that got killed early, at 17 which was a real test to him. Actually, went to Europe and sat around Dachau writing poetry for her and comparing his loss with the loss of the Jewish children.

What are your gifts, what do you like to do? Interested in spiritual formation, wants to teach persons about Christ and help them mature in the faith.

A stepdaughter had come home at 17 pregnant. He and his wife have been trying to help her by baby sitting and I am sure funding her and the boy she is living with.

Told me about going to his Bishop and asking for the new job in discipleship but the B. did not see fit to give it to him. He told the B. about some of his pain but the B. said, "I don't really know much about that, I have been successful in all that I have tried to do."

What will you do with the situation before you? He has been appointed to Austell Georgia to chaplain a group of old folks who will pay his salary. Do you really want to do that? NO.

In the course of the meal I said, "I don't seem to have a word for you." Nothing had come to me that seemed to be for him.

Then, almost as I said the words that nothing was coming, something began to come. "You have said that you are weary, burned out and in need of a rest, the work of ministry seems to be a heavy burden for you, things are a struggle to keep your marriage together, and you don't want to go to Austell – am I right in all of this? YES

I had explored with him the beginning of a new church, an experimental congregation with a few families.

1. it seems to me that you are at the end of an era – you can't go on as you are.

2. you are not ready to go on to the next things – it seems to me that you have too much static to make a long term decision.

3. what would you think about taking a year off? Get a job, any kind of job that will help you survive for a year and give yourself a break. Use that as a year of discernment.

4. use friends, clearness process to see what God is saying to you.

5. then, if it seems right, gather a few friends and start a church.

Pastor's Call. Rusty Douglas

Rusty called and wanted an appointment. He had been through a dismissal at church in Charleston. A 6 months leave in England. Then to Peachtree Church where he is now at work.

He has really bad days when he does not want to work, he drives himself to the church, wonders if he believes, finds God far away, and can I go on with the ministry?

I have a retreat scheduled with him in July.

The Cookie Thief

A woman was waiting at an airport one night,

With several long hours before her flight.

She hunted for a book in the airport shop,

Bought a bag of cookies and found a place to drop.

She was engrossed in her book, but happened to see,

That the man beside her, as bold as could be,

Grabbed a cookie or two from the bag between,

Which she tried to ignore, to avoid a scene.

She read, munched cookies, and watched the clock,

As the gutsy "cookie thief!" diminished her stock.

She was getting more irritated as the minutes ticked by,

Thinking, "If I wasn't so nice, I'd blacken his eye!"

With each cookie she took, he took one too.

When only one was left, she wondered what he'd do.

With a smile on his face and a nervous laugh,

He took the last cookie and broke it in half.

He offered her half, as he ate the other.

She snatched it from him and thought, "Oh brother,

This guy has some nerve, and he's also rude,

Why, he didn't even show any gratitude!"

She had never know when she has been so galled,

And sighed with relief when her flight was called.

She gathered her belongings and headed for the gate,

Refusing to look back at the "thieving ingrate."

She boarded the plane and sank in her seat,

Then sought her book, which was almost complete.

As she reached in her baggage, she gasped with surprise:

There was her bag of cookies in front of her eyes!

"If mine are here," she moaned with despair,

"Then the others were his and he tried to share!"

Too late to apologize, she realized with grief,

That she was the rude one, the ingrate, the thief!

By Valerie Cox

from A 3rd Serving of Chicken Soup for the Soul

Copyright 1996 by Jack Canfield and Mark Victor Hansen

>Here are the winning entries from a recent contest for "new scientific

>theories."

>

>THE RUNNERS-UP:

>

>4th RunnerUp-- The earth may spin faster on its axis due to

>deforestation. Just as a figure skater's rate of spin increases when

>the arms are brought in close to the body, the cutting of tall trees

>may cause our planet to spin dangerously fast.

>

>3rd RunnerUp-- Communist China is technologically underdeveloped

>because they have no alphabet. The lack of an alphabet means the

>Chinese cannot use "acronyms"; thus, they cannot communicate their

>ideas at a faster rate.

>

>2nd RunnerUp-- The 'Why Yawning Is Contagious' Theory: You yawn to

>equalize the pressure on your eardrums. This pressure change outside

>your eardrums unbalances other people's ear pressures, so they must

>yawn to even it all out.

>

>1st RunnerUp-- If an infinite number of rednecks riding in an infinite

>number of pickup trucks fire an infinite number of shotgun rounds at

>an infinite number of highway signs, they will eventually produce all

>the world's great literary works in Braille.

>

>HONORABLE MENTION: The quantity of consonants in the English language

>is absolutely constant. If consonants are omitted in one geographic

>area, they turn up in another. When a Bostonian "pahks" his "cah", the

>lost r's migrate southwest, causing a Texan to "warsh" his car and

>invest in "erl wells."

>

>GRAND PRIZE WINNER: When a cat is dropped, it ALWAYS lands on its feet;

>and when toast is dropped, it ALWAYS lands with the buttered side

>facing down. Therefore, I propose to strap buttered toast to the back

>of a cat. When dropped, the two will hover, spinning inches above the

>ground, probably into eternity. A "buttered-cat array" could replace

>pneumatic tires on cars and trucks, and "giant buttered-cat arrays"

>could easily allow a high-speed monorail linking New York with Chicago.

>

>

How do you live your dash

I read of a man who stood to speak

At the funeral of a friend.

He referred to the dates on her tombstone From beginning... to end.

He noted that first came her date of birth And spoke the following

date with tears, But he said what mattered most of all

Was the dash between those years. (1900-1970)

For that dash represents all the time That she spent alive on earth...

And now only those who loved her

Know what that little line is worth. For it matters not, how much we

own; The cars...the house...the cash,

What matters is how we live and love And how we spend our dash.

So think about this long and hard... Are there things you'd like to

change?

For you never know how much time is left, That can still be

rearranged.

If we could just slow down enough

To consider what's true and real,

And always try to understand

The way other people feel.

And be less quick to anger, and show appreciation more

And love the people in our lives

Like we've never loved before.

If we treat each other with respect, And more often wear a smile...

Remembering that this special dash

Might only last a little while.

So, when your eulogy's being read

With your life's actions to rehash... Would you be proud of the things

they say About how you spent your dash?

Dear Ben,

How do you live your dash

I read of a man who stood to speak

At the funeral of a friend.

He referred to the dates on her tombstone From beginning... to end.

He noted that first came her date of birth And spoke the following

date with tears, But he said what mattered most of all

Was the dash between those years. (1900-1970)

For that dash represents all the time That she spent alive on earth...

And now only those who loved her

Know what that little line is worth. For it matters not, how much we

own; The cars...the house...the cash,

What matters is how we live and love And how we spend our dash.

So think about this long and hard... Are there things you'd like to

change?

For you never know how much time is left, That can still be

rearranged.

If we could just slow down enough

To consider what's true and real,

And always try to understand

The way other people feel.

And be less quick to anger, and show appreciation more

And love the people in our lives

Like we've never loved before.

If we treat each other with respect, And more often wear a smile...

Remembering that this special dash

Might only last a little while.

So, when your eulogy's being read

With your life's actions to rehash... Would you be proud of the things

they say About how you spent your dash?

I marked the anniversary of Immersion Week by finally reading To Pray God's Will which I found to be a memorable experience. I am very grateful to you for writing that book. I am resisting the temptation to go right back and read it again. Maybe I'll wait a week!

I have thought of you often in your pain at the loss of two long time friends in December. I have such friends and know how I would feel. In fact, one of them is battling cancer at this very moment and it is a grave concern. We last saw him at Lake Placid in September (he and his wife had driven from Florida to be with us and other long time friends there) and he seemed to have made a good recovery for which we all were grateful. He took an unexpected turn for the worse last month.

When I saw the name Burney Overton in your last e-mail, I could not believe my eyes. My law partner, Donald Holzman, was very close to Burney and his wife when Burney was the pastor of the church in Franklinville, not far from Buffalo. As a young man, Don worked closely with Burney in the development with a new Presbytery camp called Camp Duffield and he stayed with the Overtons at their home many weekends while they were working on it. I always knew that Burney had a very strong influence on him at that time. He must have remained in touch with Burney because he had heard of Burney's passing when I mentioned your e-mail to him. Burney clearly was a person who impacted many lives - just as you do.

I pray that God will continue to bless you in the work you are doing to awaken people like me to God's involvement in their lives.

With many good wishes,

Bill

Some old fashion "good advise"

Many people will walk in and out or your life,

but only true friends will leave footprints in your heart.

To handle yourself, use your head,

To handle others, use your heart.

Anger is only one letter short of danger.

If someone betrays you once, it's his fault.

If he betrays you twice, it's your fault.

Great minds discuss ideas;

Average minds discuss events;

Small minds discuss people.

God Gives every bird it's food,

but He does not throw it into it's nest.

He who loses money, loses much;

He who loses a friend, loses more;

He who loses faith, loses all.

Beautiful young people are acts of nature,

but beautiful old people are works of art.

Learn from the mistakes of others.

You can't live long enough to make them all yourself.

The tongue weighs practically nothing,

but so few people can hold it.

Friends, you and me ... you brought another friend ...

and then there were 3 ... we started our group...

Our circle of friends ... and like the circle ...

there's no beginning ... there is no end.

Anonymous

Nancy Graham.

While I was writing to you, a letter from Nancy herself popped up in my mailbox. There's simply nothing to indicate the dire prognosis you heard in the rumor. Let's consign worse news to the Ghoul's Gold category, and I feel sure you can reassure your acquaintance that another round of surgery is prudent, but not an indication that the disease is out of control. I am just certain Nancy's deeply personal letter didn't hide anything. She's in good enough spirits, considering the circumstances, and while she admits to anxiety and "dread, or fear" of the chemotherapy, she says "while still in the woods, I stand in a clearing."

Hope you'll see this, as I do, as very realistic, appropriate feelings is a tough, but not hopeless situation.

HVS

From the Internet

>>The following announcements, believe it or not, have

>>supposedly appeared in church bulletins around the country:

>>

>>1) Don't let worry kill you--let the church help.

>>

>>2) Thursday night-Potluck supper. Prayer and medication to

>>follow.

>>

>>3) Remember in prayer the many who are sick of our church

>>and community.

>>

>>4) For those of you who have children and don't know it, we

>>have a nursery downstairs.

>>

>>5) The rosebud on the altar this morning is to announce the

>>birth of David Alan Belzer, the sin of Rev. and Mrs. Julius

>>Belzer.

>>

>>6) This afternoon there will be a meeting in the South and

>>North ends of the church. Children will be baptized at both

>>ends.

>>

>>7) Tuesday at 4:00 p.m. there will be an ice cream social.

>>All ladies giving milk will please come early.

>>

>>8) Wednesday the ladies liturgy will meet. Mrs. Johnson

>>will sing "Put me in My Little Bed" accompanied by the

>>pastor.

>>

>>9) Thursday at 5:00 p.m. there will be a meeting of the

>>Little Mothers Club. All ladies wishing to be "Little

>>Mothers" will meet with the Pastor in his study.

>>

>>10) This being Easter Sunday, we will ask Mrs. Lewis to>>

>>come forward and lay an egg on the altar.

>>

>>11) The service will close with "Little Drops of Water." One

>>of the ladies will start quietly and the rest of the

>>congregation will join in.

>>

>>12) Next Sunday a special collection will be taken to

>>defray the cost of the new carpet. All those wishing to do

>>something on the new carpet will come forward and do so.

>>

>>13) A bean supper will be held on Tuesday evening in the

>>church hall. Music will follow.

>>

>>14) At the evening service tonight, the sermon topic will

>>be "What is Hell?" Come early and listen to our choir

>>practice.

>>

>>

Shirley Mclain from Phil.

I often listen to the all night radio chat shows when I can't sleep. The

other night Shirley McLain was being interviewed. Shirley has a very well 

developed world view which includes not only reincarnation but lots of

other neat Mormon type stuff like special planets, astoriods, force fields,

evil spirits and so forth. It's really facinating because she does it without

drugs.

A fragment of her life philosophy stuck with me in the morning. If one

is familiar with late night radio you will know what a rarity this is.

Shirley said people should drop the habit of always having life goals and

objectives out there in front of us. We should live in the present, because

our journey is in the now, not the future.This makes sense given her other

stuff which offers a pretty scary future. But it seemed to me there was

kernal of truth here. Particualrly as one gets older, a person should get

past the steam engine of continuously chasing the rainbow.

After another day or two of mental fermentation it seemed reasonable

to accept Shirley's concept of the presentness of the journey, but we have

to add an element of future. Humans can't just live in the now. My cat

Mensa can, but I can't.  I know there is a reality beyond the here

and now. Our life journey is taking us somewhere and our spiritual demention

gives us a hint. Our future impacts our present in every demention.

So where does that leave Shirley and me? Fairly simple. Our journey

really has an eschatalogical nature. We live in the now and not yet. We

should learn to enjoy the journey both as being and becomming. Living in

and for the present journey is a very good idea. Shirley's got it right.

I am going to try that. But we must also know our jouney is to somewhere

else from here. To ignore that would miss half the picture. Shirley should

spend some time in a monastary setting experiencing the rythem of prayer

and work. It would add another "bi" demention to her worldview.

Ben, are you still awake?

Story 99

How do you live your dash?

I read of a man who stood to speak

At the funeral of a friend.

He referred to the dates on her tombstone From beginning... to end.

He noted that first came her date of birth And spoke the following

date with tears, But he said what mattered most of all

Was the dash between those years. (1900-1970)

For that dash represents all the time That she spent alive on earth...

And now only those who loved her

Know what that little line is worth. For it matters not, how much we

own; The cars...the house...the cash,

What matters is how we live and love And how we spend our dash.

So think about this long and hard... Are there things you'd like to

change?

For you never know how much time is left, That can still be

rearranged.

If we could just slow down enough

To consider what's true and real,

And always try to understand

The way other people feel.

And be less quick to anger, and show appreciation more

And love the people in our lives

Like we've never loved before.

If we treat each other with respect, And more often wear a smile...

Remembering that this special dash

Might only last a little while.

So, when your eulogy's being read

With your life's actions to rehash... Would you be proud of the things

they say About how you spent your dash?

Dear Ben,

At this time, you should be home from what I hope was a very successful Immersion Week and Weekend at Austin and are changing gears for Immersion Week at CTS which starts this evening. Please know that my prayers are with you as you continue the wonderful ministry you spearhead and continue to inspire. I hope it will mean as much to those who are starting this evening as last year's experience has meant to me. Not only does my mind return to Immersion Week regularly but I find the insights I gained to be an invaluable source of strength and inspiration in the various ministries I find myself engaging in as a lay person. I find myself thinking of situations in spiritual terms more than I ever could have done otherwise. It is especially helpful to me in my role as Chair of our Pastor Nominating Committee in which I find I have a deeper understanding and appreciation for the call concept. I know I am not recruiting a minister for our church but am seeking to keep our committee focused on discerning the ways in which the Spirit is leading not only us but the ministers we are considering.

I marked the anniversary of Immersion Week by finally reading To Pray God's Will which I found to be a memorable experience. I am very grateful to you for writing that book. I am resisting the temptation to go right back and read it again. Maybe I'll wait a week!

I have thought of you often in your pain at the loss of two long time friends in December. I have such friends and know how I would feel. In fact, one of them is battling cancer at this very moment and it is a grave concern. We last saw him at Lake Placid in September (he and his wife had driven from Florida to be with us and other long time friends there) and he seemed to have made a good recovery for which we all were grateful. He took an unexpected turn for the worse last month.

When I saw the name Burney Overton in your last e-mail, I could not believe my eyes. My law partner, Donald Holzman, was very close to Burney and his wife when Burney was the pastor of the church in Franklinville, not far from Buffalo. As a young man, Don worked closely with Burney in the development with a new Presbytery camp called Camp Duffield and he stayed with the Overtons at their home many weekends while they were working on it. I always knew that Burney had a very strong influence on him at that time. He must have remained in touch with Burney because he had heard of Burney's passing when I mentioned your e-mail to him. Burney clearly was a person who impacted many lives - just as you do.

I pray that God will continue to bless you in the work you are doing to awaken people like me to God's involvement in their lives.

With many good wishes,

Bill

Jesus Christ Communist Becomes Christian

In 1986 Gene Genovese came to Atlanta. He was formerly a teacher at Rutgers and Harvard. He was known as a hardline communist, had been since he was 15 and at 17 was an organizer of the party in New York. He married Betsy Fox who came to Atlanta to begin a Feminist program at Emory University. Both were confirmed aethists.

Both decided to join the catholic church – many said he gave up one absolute for another. Came at about the time the regime collapsed.

He had one important statement to make about Jesus Christ and the Christian faith in The Atlanta Journal-Constitution on Sunday August 1, 1999. He was speaking about xty having mysteries and that some of these could not be explained by reason:

“Among those mysteries is the Trinity, the Christian idea of God, Jesus Christ and the Holy Spirit as one. Even when he was still an atheist, only five years ago, Genovese was writing:

“I cannot understand how Christians, without ceasing to be Christians, can retreat one inch from a belief that Jesus is the second person of a triune God, the Christ, the Redeemer. If other religions offer equally valid ways to salvation and if Christianity itself may be understood solely as a code of morals and ethics, then we may as well all become Buddhists or, better, atheists. I intend no offense, but it takes one to know one.”

More recently he was rising from his knees with hundreds of others at the Cathedral of Christ the King, making the sign of the cross and accepting the blessing of Father Ronald Higgins. ‘Go in peace,’ Higgins bade them.’

Awakened breakfast with Rob Stripken in La Canada. Had it at Conrad’s Restaurant in Pasadena. Asked him about himself and he told me reared a Presbyterian. He had always had a sense of God but much of the time did not pay attention to it. Then at about 40 it began to come to him more often and deeper. Attended.

Decided that he need a church. Found LAPC. Began to attend about 8 months before I met him. He was in charge of registration for the study of Imagining a Churdch in the Spirit. Wondered about getting active so quick.

When he first began to come to the church they offered Alpha, a CC time course on Christianity. He said that was not for him because it was proof text type and restrictive.

This man has taken 4 course at Fuller and now much decide on degree. Doing a Masters but is not going for ordination.

Has developed a course on teaching the faith to Sceptics and Doubters and Infants in the faith.

Character of our time

Subject: Sometimes even George Carlin hits the nail

>>> Author: James L Smith

>>>

>>>The Paradox of our Time - by George Carlin

>>>The paradox of our time in history is that we have taller buildings, but

>>>shorter tempers; wider freeways, but narrower viewpoints.

>>>We spend more, but have less; we buy more, but enjoy it less.

>>>We have bigger houses and smaller families; more conveniences, but less

>>>time; we have more degrees, but less sense; more knowledge, but less

>>>judgment; more experts, but more problems; more medicine, but less

>>>wellness.

>>>We drink too much, smoke too much, spend too recklessly, laugh too

little,

>>>drive too fast, get too angry too quickly, stay up too late, get up too

>>>tired, read too seldom, watch TV too much, and pray too seldom.

>>>We have multiplied our possessions, but reduced our values.

>>>We talk too much, love too seldom, and hate too often.

>>>We've learned how to make a living, but not a life; we've added years to

>>>life, not life to years.

>>>We've been all the way to the moon and back, but have trouble crossing

the

>>>street to meet the new neighbor. We've conquered outer space, but not

>inner

>>>space. We've done larger things, but not better things. We've cleaned up

>>>the

>>>air, but polluted the soul. We've split the atom, but not our prejudice.

>We

>>>write more, but learn less. We plan more, but accomplish less.

>>>We've learned to rush, but not to wait. We build more computers to hold

>>>more

>>>information to produce more copies than ever, but have less

communication.

>>>These are the times of fast foods and slow digestion; tall men, and short

>>>character; steep profits, and shallow relationships. These are the times

>>>of

>>>world peace, but domestic warfare; more leisure, but less fun; more kinds

>>>of

>>>food, but less nutrition. These are days of two incomes, but more

>divorce;

>>>of fancier houses, but broken homes. These are days of quick trips,

>>>disposable diapers, throw-away morality, one-night stands, overweight

>>>bodies, and pills that do everything from cheer to quiet, to kill.

>>>It is a time when there is much in the show window and nothing in the

>>>stockroom; a time when technology can bring this letter to you, and a

time

Brian Buchanan. I asked Brian about himself. Told me about Chrid Share. Began when his wife went to Fuller. Intern in a hospital. Put in a room with 15 girls under 5 years old. She was told that each of them had been sexually abused. She came home cried. Said, we must do something about this. Night after night she wept.

Next she was assigned to a church near UCLA campus. Talked with the minister and he told her and Brian to pray about it. They took a weekend and went to Santa Barbara and prayed about the calling.

Presented it to the church and they gave $7000 to get it started. Had all kinds of problems: Mary kept saying God called us to do this and we will do it.

Takes children from the State, finds a family in the sponsoring church to take the child for 3 to 5 months. Surround that family with 3 or 4 more to spell them off on weekend’s etc.

Peter Jennings interviewed Mary and people around the country began to call in. They wanted to start it in their city. Woman in Ft. Lauderdale, another in Oklahoma City said they were called to get it going. Brian tried to get San Francisco to do it; Oakland and Marin County would not cooperation. Got the message that God would move it as he willed.

Love of God Meet God’s Love. Brian Buchanan was not a contemplative, didn’t know what it was. He and his wife refused to lead a group at family camp. Formed their own. Mary, wife, had been with Lisa Myers and wondered if they might engage in contemplation together. He said he knew little of it but would try. They did pray for a time. He felt that he wanted to know more.

Decided to go to a Companions group. Judy chose the passage about John’s doubts and questions. Read the text four times. Each time he heard “blessed is he who is not offended in me.” Kept wondering but nothing came.

Then she read it the 4^th time. He heard, “Are you the one who is coming,” (John meant s the Messiah) but Brian heard it as his question. Judy had asked them to personalize the text this time. “Are you the one who is coming ……?

Then they entered the silence. Kept trying to get quiet. Finally, did settle in. He felt his head being drawn back like it was on a string. His eyes were focused on the ceiling – Saw a dark red light shining. In his chest he felt tightness like he was coming to tears.

But then he experienced something that told him he was deeply loved, loved as he was, and he was of value. This love filled and covered him. It was palpable. In spite of his inadequacy he knew that he was loved and desired by God. And there was a richness and fullness about the love that defies language.

Wonders what to do with this. He cannot go back there though he has tried. I suggested that he not form it too quickly, that he let it tell him what it was about, and that he not seek to go back there and redo the experience.

Sent to be Christ. Claudia Zentmyer was asked by a Jewish Doctor to visit a 37-year-old Jewish man who was suffering with cancer. The Doctor said, “You don’t have to talk Jesus to him, just help him.” As she was listening to the invitation the Spirit spoke in her heart saying that she was to be Christ to this man. “I am to be Christ to this man who is dying,” she thought. So she went to the hospital and read Ps. 145. She said to him, “God love you and I did not even say my name but I had the feeling that I was "being Jesus” to this man in his dying circumstance. Just in the moment, when I said the love of God to him, I felt that I really was Jesus to him.

Linda Pearson. She was reared in the church but it did not mean much. She dropped out in her teen years. She had an affair with a married man, married him, and got on with her life. But then she came to a terrible emptiness and began searching for the answer to her life.

She met Christ. This has been such a significant thing in her life. She has found that knowing him has brought her joy, real joy. She is eager to tell others about him and to lead them to him. So she has done all kinds of things to introduce persons to Christ. She talks with folks. She made up some cross pins and gave them toher friends so that they could witness for Christ when asked about the cross. She made up bottles of water with the Name and address of the church on it and gave them away. There was an ad at that time form milk – “Got Milk” and so she made a big sign and put it on the back of her utility vehicle that said, “God God.” One morning she went out and found bird shit all over it and began to think – God and Shit, yes that is how it is living the faithful life of Christ.

Chris Dureyea -- She had not been in church for years. Her first marriage came apart and she married and moved to La Canada. Her neighbor met her and asked her to come to LAPC. She began coming and heard the good news of the gospel. She was converted and has a passion to tell others about Christ and to help them experience the faith. One day Carol asked her for a check for $35 and said you are going on the women’s retreat. She did and found deeper and deeper faith. (May have been the conversion point.)

In about 2 years the son of her 2^nd husband was tragically killed. The both were devastated. But they kept coming to church. She said, “When he was killed we were heart broken but Christ was with us and the church supported us in ways that we could not imagine. I don’t know how we could have made it without the church in those days.”

But a strange thing occurred. The woman who had brought her to church son got killed. In many ways it was his foolish, free behavior that caused the death. She lost faith in Christ and the Church. She has not been back.

I wonder what folk in heaven will feel when they see what they have done with their lives?

From a Letter to bill from Dr. Mc Nutt. I wanted to share with you some recent experiences I have had...I have

been attempting to approach my life the last few months in a very

"contemplative" way as you taught us at the monastery. For me that

means relaxing and flowing--rather than being too goal conscious--and

being very aware and open to what is happening to me. Also, working on

being 'me' as God wants me to be and not what others imply I should be.

A flyer on a three day course on "Integrative Medicine" came across my

desk and my partner suggested I mention to the medical director of our

medical center that I would be willing to go on behalf of the local

medical center using my education days if they would pick up the

expenses. They agreed and I went to the meeting over in Durham last

weekend! What a neat experience--being around people who are aware and

pay attention to mind/body/spirit aspects of health and healing! About

two weeks before the meeting I was in his office to discuss what the med

ctr wanted me to look for in the meeting...later that morning he sent me

a brochure on Dr. Herbert Benson's three day workshop on Spirituality

and Healing in Boston in December. He told me the medical center would

pay for me to go if I would go! Wow, took me about five minutes to

decide! Very exciting!

Silence. Elenor Dark from one of her books. It lies in a marker of literary greats who have written about Australia. Have marks around the harbor walk. “The land lay in silence. Out of the silence came mystery, magic, and a deepening awareness of unthinking things.”

God’s Initiative.

Kelly, Thomas R. _A Testament of Devotion_. Harper and Brothers. New York=

,

London, 1941. Pg. 97

"Religion is not our concern; it is God's concern. The sooner we stop

thinking we are the energetic operators of religion and discover that God

is at work, as the Aggressor, the Invader, the Initiator, so much the

sooner do

we discover that our task is to call men to be still and know, listen,

hearken in quiet invitation to the subtle promptings of the Divine."

Subj: Re: Visit

Date: 8/9/00 5:12:18 PM Eastern Daylight Time

From: This e-mail address is being protected from spambots. You need JavaScript enabled to view it (Peter Whitelock)

To: This e-mail address is being protected from spambots. You need JavaScript enabled to view it (Ben Johnson)

Dear Ben,

This past Sunday was indeed a bit of a marathon, but thanks so much for taking the time to discern the church and break bread with us. I know great things will come of this adventure we're going to share together, and I'm sure we don't know the half of it yet! Bettie is quite busy on the details, and she'll have some good information for you in the not-too-distant future. I've also encouraged her to contact Phil down at La Canada and have a "heart to heart" with him. Do you have a full name and number I can pass on to her? As you've already observed, there is much to do here, but the Spirit has already told me I'm not going to be the one to make it happen, but I will get to play a part. When I was discerning whether or not to accept this call, the very day, Good Friday '99, this poem was sent to me by a member of the PNC, Tom Scovel, who is one of the finest people I have ever met. His mother wrote it. I read it and I knew...

Where does the wind come from, Nicodemus?

Rabbi, I do not know.

Nor can you tell where it will go.

Put yourself into the path of the wind, Nicodemus.

You will be borne along

by something greater than yourself.

You are proud of your position,

content in your security,

but you will perish in such stagnant air.

Put yourself into the path of the wind, Nicodemus.

Bright leaves will dance before you.

You will find yourself in places

you never dreamed of going;

you will be forced into situations

you have dreaded

and find them like a coming home.

You will have a power you never had before, Nicodemus.

You will be a new man.

Put yourself into the path of the wind.

(Myra Scovel, 1970)

On another note, I've surely been struggling with this D.Min. project at Princeton, and would have loved to spend some time with you on the subject. In my last draft, after I put it aside a month ago, I was moving towards the idea of developing a model of discernment for the Session. I am not inclined to think that your interest in this subject is coincidental, but I wonder if you might we willing to look over my stuff (about 7 pages) and tell me what you think? Grace and peace,

Peter

--------------------

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<DIV>Dear Ben,</DIV>

<DIV>This past Sunday was indeed a bit of&nbsp;a

marathon, but thanks so much for taking the time to discern the church and break

bread with us. I know great things will come of this adventure we're going to

share together, and I'm sure we don't know the half of it yet! Bettie is quite

busy on the details, and she'll have some good information for you in the

not-too-distant future. I've also encouraged her to contact Phil down at La

Canada and have a "heart to heart" with him. Do you have a full name and number

I can pass on to her? As you've already observed, there is much to do here, but

the Spirit has already told me I'm not going to be the one to make it happen,

but I will get to play a part. When I was discerning whether or not to accept

this call, the very day, Good Friday '99, this poem was sent to me by a member

of the PNC, Tom Scovel, who is one of the finest people I have ever met. His

mother wrote it. I read it and I knew...</DIV>

<DIV>&nbsp;</DIV>

<DIV>&nbsp;</DIV>

<DIV>Where does the wind come from, Nicodemus?</DIV>

<DIV>Rabbi, I do not know.</DIV>

<DIV>Nor can you tell where it will go.</DIV>

<DIV>&nbsp;</DIV>

<DIV>Put yourself into the path of the wind,

Nicodemus.</DIV>

<DIV>&nbsp;</DIV>

<DIV>You will be borne along</DIV>

<DIV>by something greater than yourself.</DIV>

<DIV>You are proud of your position,</DIV>

<DIV>content in your security,</DIV>

<DIV>but you will perish in such stagnant air.</DIV>

<DIV>&nbsp;</DIV>

<DIV>Put yourself into the path of the wind,

Nicodemus.

Judy and Session Meeting

JOURNAL 10-19-99

In Session last night several things were happening. First old church and new church were meeting and there was, not unexpectedly, confusion. In Moderators report GD raised question – What is appropriate for bubble up and what it appropriate for leadership to initiate? Talked about permission giving but said nothing had bubbled up related to facilities. What are we to do? Had Jack report and then invited a motion that long range planning create a committee to create a long range plan. Jack used words like, vision, mentioned some things in the discussion about worship (one of his visions out of his experiences on Fuller Board and in other churches--- guitar beats organ) Session then spent almost or more than an hour in discussion. There was confusion about what the proposed group was to be about --- solve an immediate problem or create a vision / & then master building plan. In many of those going to Wed night seminar I could see concern and confusion.

Some issues I think – at least this morning this is how it sorts out for me

Clearly there is a question: When does leadership act and when does leadership spend (and I do mean spend as in expenditure) time working in different mode of discernment. There is some way I believe (hope) that these two go together. Perhaps …. Leadership identifies needs, decides which it can act on and which require discernment in community, and it structures a process by which either the action or the discernment proceeds.

Clearly an issue of how we do community discernment. This is new territory and we will have to learn as we go if we had down this path. What might we try as structure? (There was illusion to the possible structure / matrix Ben drew last Wed. --- details of which admittedly not worked out.)

Language --- long range planning, demographics, ethnic mix, space needs. When this language is mixed around the idea of a vision for the future of this church there is confusion. There are people who see “vision” coming as not the result of a group doing planning or consultants coming in, but rather as the discovery of what God intends and is planting. I think these people want to “discern” in a variety of ways, God’s leading. They would see the vision as some general direction which then could be executed by planners. As we’ve said/heard in Wed.’s workshop --- the vision is here. We need to uncover it, share it, pray it and see how it gets shaped. Both approaches want the same end, but have different language and in some ways different methods to reach end.

Different goals --- the Skinner report and previous reports seemed to be pointing toward solving the space needs for education as immediate issue to be resolved --- mainly childrens & youth but perhaps also some adult needs. I believe it seemed the proposal being made at Session last night was for a master plan for building based on the vision of the church. And, that what was being asked for was the creation by long range planning of a “committee” (note language issue again) to lay out the vision of /for this church.

There is also the need to act vs. the will to enter into a process of discernment – the idea from Wed night was mentioned. Do we have two different items which require two approaches or are they so inter – related that they must proceed together.

Underlying all was unspoken question --- Is what session expected from Long Range a plan to solve the immediate problem? Remember Session went along two/three months ago when it was asked to authorize expenditure of up $10,000 for consultant to work with Jack on how to raise money. I think this was predicated upon the idea that this would happen if Jack and his group were able to buy the Washington Mutal property.

After meandering discussion & assurances from Ann Soule about connections to ideas of prayer and discernment --- with no outlines est… and with (I believe) no clarity on goal of the group to be put together, Session voted the proposal.

I wonder if leadership (whoever might be included in this group) could work with Ann and Jack to create a process / structure which might use some to the ideas in Wed. night workshop to get a sketch of the vision sufficient to allow some planning to take place to solve immediate issues of educational space???? There are risks, but I keep feeling that the alternatives put us back into old modes ---- studies and consultants. A problem is probably needing consultations with Ben in this process and I’m not certain he’s very available?